Father of All... by Green Day - ALBUM REVIEW

 

My. God.

You know, this was once upon a time my favourite band of all time. American Idiot was the first album I ever purchased and loved from beginning to end. And yet... here we are. Father of All... Motbarfingunicornuckers. Truly, a return to Green Day's glory days when they were but a couple of snot-nosed punk kids. Few things wrong with this:

First off, the operative word is "kids" You are not kids anymore, Green Day. You are very old men, by music standards. Pushing 50 at this rate. So slathering your album promotion with inflammatory comments toward "Swedish songwriters" and "trap beats" doesn't make you edgy. It just reinforces your age in the industry. Not that you would sound cool saying these things at any age, but the pushing-50 reality of your slowly graying haircuts really accentuates how out-of-touch this album and its promotion are.

Second, if you were looking to re-capture the punk, not-giving-a-fuck aesthetic with this album, you utterly cratered with the actual music, which is so painfully uncool it makes Weezer look twenty years younger. Only you guys were clamoring for a Gary Glitter resurgence, that's all I have to say about "Oh Yeah!", a song which means nothing and actively hurts to listen to. It feels like none of these songs actually had an idea behind them beyond "hey, wouldn't it be funny if the title was this?" How else can you explain inanities like "Fire, Ready, Aim" (wait a minute! THAT'S not the correct order!) or "Take the Money and Crawl" (wait! it's supposed to be RUN!) or "I Was a Teenage Teenager" (wait!... what?)

This album is so far beyond worth anyone's time it's actually embarrassing. There's maybe one song on here that is actually halfway to worth listening to, but there is no reason to listen to the whole thing unless you decided to publish some misguided review on the catastrophe. I guess I really felt compelled to do this one just to provide the eulogy for a deceased band, by all accounts. So let me say that for the record, once upon a time, this band was very very good. Now, they are very very bad. And no amount of PURE UNCUT ROCK can disguise that.

3/10

"Best" Tracks: "Sugar Youth" is comparatively good in that it sounds like a C-tier track off of 21st Century Breakdown. Just... just don't waste your time with this one. It is old and sad and pathetic.

Top Tensday - Billboard Hot 100 Review: September 12, 2020

 I think this is the first time I officially have to eat crow to start things off, so I will. BTS' "Dynamite" exceeded my expectations and spent another week at #1 this week! Admittedly, predicting it to fall out of the Top 10 entirely was a bit of an overreaction, but given their track record, can you blame me that much? Well, I suppose you can. Nevertheless! Here's what else is going on:

Not much! The only thing that really happened was that "Mood", as I predicted (as though I have the right to feel smug), landed in the Top 10 this week, pushing out that dreadful "Roses" remix which I think we'd all be better off forgetting about.

Predictions:

BTS may have held on a second week, but I think a third week at #1 is unlikely. I think this is the first BTS track to have actual staying power, though, so it should stay in the Top 10. I'm not gonna make that mistake twice! I expect "Mood" to rise and "WAP" to re-take #1.

Punisher by Phoebe Bridgers - ALBUM REVIEW

 

This isn't typically my style of music, but a friend put in the request so I figured why not? I was pleasantly surprised by how much this album moved me. I think one of its strengths is its surprising bombast; the album comes alive at certain moments that really compliment the weight of the songwriting. Again, as with folklore, such detail packed into these songs' lyrics, with a little more bite in the references and the production.

I'd actually not listened to Phoebe Bridgers before this review, but this album is a solid reminder to always keep up with new and upcoming talent, because you never know what might break through. We live in a world where Top 10 hits on Billboard are designed more than ever by the listener, and with great power comes... well, you know. Point is, branch out and listen to something new, like this. You might just be surprised at how stunning the gems you find are.

9/10

Best Tracks: "Kyoto", "Punisher", "Halloween", "Savior Complex", "ICU", "I Know the End"

Top Tensday - Billboard Hot 100 Review: September 5, 2020

 BTS has their first #1 hit! ...yay?

Well, we know the chart history of BTS at this point, and while it's an accomplishment for them to stick the landing finally, I really don't see this lasting long, just like all of their other songs. Maybe someday, but not today. Beyond that, everything mostly gets pushed down a spot or stays stable, with "Before You Go" being the only entry to re-enter the Top 10, pushing down "7 Summers" which absolutely cratered and "I Hope" which still lingers in the top 20.

Predictions:

BTS song is going to be out of the Top 10 next week, that's just the circle of life at this point. Beyond that, "Mood" is getting huge boosts right now and could crack the Top 10 next week. Look out for that new BLACKPINK and Selena Gomez song, too. Surely THIS will be the k-pop song with longevity!

folklore by Taylor Swift - ALBUM REVIEW

 

I always felt like the Taylor Swift story would end up here eventually. Here we are, eighth album in, and Taylor Swift has finally decided she doesn't need chart success anymore. And as a result, she delivers one of her best albums to date, which goes #1 anyway. Streaming really has taken over, and if albums like these get commercial recognition as a result, I'm all for it.

Folklore finally showcases a grown-up Taylor Swift, one that is able to carry the weight of crushing emotion for an entire album. This is an album of experience, one that takes all the baggage that came with Taylor Swift's success and presents a mature, yet world-weary, outlook on who she has become. That's evident through the musical style alone, where she ditches the glitz and glamour of her most recent albums, sheds the innocent face of her earlier work, and cuts right through the facade to deliver a well-written, emotionally raw indie folk record. I certainly have favourites on this album, but I won't deny that every song on here sounds gorgeous. Listening to this album puts me in a serene mood, walking through a forest, or a quiet night on a usually busy downtown street. Such an amazing comedown from her previous few albums, especially the last one.

If this is the Taylor Swift we get from now on, one that isn't trying to chase dated trends or capitalize on a garish media-painted image, I'm all for it. This album is masterful.

9/10

Best Tracks: "the last great american dynasty", "august", "this is me trying", "illicit affairs", "mad woman", "betty"

WHEN WE ALL FALL ASLEEP, WHERE DO WE GO? by Billie Eilish - ALBUM REVIEW

 

Billie Eilish really comes into her own with this album, fully tapping into that weird and wonderful personality she exudes in her music. You only need look at the cover of this album to understand what you're getting into. Is it a perfect experience? Well... almost. (We'll get to it.) But I feel confident in saying that if you like your pop music a little weird, but also sincere, you can't go wrong listening to this album.

What I find most remarkable about this album is how cohesive it is despite half the songs containing some kind of joke or ironic self-awareness about them, while the other half could be described as ballads. It's two extremes in one album, and yet it all comes together because Billie Eilish (and her brother) are masters at lyricism. Every song tells such a captivating story with the most minute details exaggerated to convey just the right level of terror or heartbreak. It's what turns a song like "i love you" from being a simple ballad to being a masterclass in writing and performance.

Speaking of performance, Billie deserves a lot of credit for breathing these songs to life. All the great lyrics in the world are fine, but it's just written poetry if you don't have an appropriate medium to deliver them. Thankfully, Billie's eccentric vocal delivery combined with Finneas' wonky production give these songs exactly the stage that they need. Almost all of them work near-perfectly, minus... one.

"8" is the black sheep of this album. I guess it's not terrible, but the one decision they made to manipulate Billie's vocals to sound like a little kid is a bit too jarring, even for this album. The album is filled with decidedly unpleasant noises like overproduced buzzing, but they seem to work in the context of the album. "8" sticks out like a sore thumb, and I kinda wish it was left off, because it keeps this album from being perfect. But other than that, this album is perfect. It's the perfect full-length debut from Billie to really introduce her to the mainstream, and it's full of great moments that keep me wanting to listen over and over again.

9/10

Best Tracks: "bad guy", "xanny", "you should see me in a crown", "when the party's over", "ilomilo", "i love you"

Top Tensday - Billboard Hot 100 Review: August 22, 2020

 Well, we all saw this, didn't we? WAP at #1. That's some wonderful ass positioning on the charts right now. Obviously this pushes everything else back, save for "Blinding Lights" which the radio just will not let go. For good reason, I might add!

Oh, and Lewis Capaldi re-enters the Top 10. We can stop this experiment any time now, folks.

Predictions:

That new Drake song, as all new Drakes songs are, is pretty much poised for a Top 10 positioning, possibly as high as #2? Yeah, I don't think it's beating out the juggernaut known as "WAP". Beyond that "Mood Swings" by Pop Smoke is quietly gaining traction and could make a run for the Top 10 next week. Everything else looks relatively steady, but if "Mood Swings" does break through, it would be nice to knock out some of the shit-awful songs in the Top 10 right now.

Plastic Beach by Gorillaz - ALBUM REVIEW

 

Hard to believe this was released over ten years ago. I am getting old indeed.

Gorillaz are a truly unique band, in that their personas consist solely of animated characters. They blend the lines of many genres between alternative rock, pop, hip hop, and much more. They are a refreshing, always exciting presence in the music world. And Plastic Beach is no exception.

One of the things that strikes me about Gorillaz is the level of craftsmanship put into each album. I've always said that good albums should feel like experiences, rather than a bunch of songs thrown together. Plastic Beach feels like a cool summer night, actually perfect to listen to during the summer. It's like the headlining performance of an electronica concert. There are a lot of guest artists on this album, but none of them feel forced in; each one makes a great addition, from Snoop Dogg's smooth delivery on "Welcome to the World of the Plastic Beach" to Bobby Womack's soulful performance on "Cloud of Unknowing". It's a near-perfect album, with only a few songs that don't do it for me as much. But the majority of them hit hard. Love Gorillaz, love this album.

9/10

Best Tracks: "Stylo" (ft. Mos Def and Bobby Womack), "Superfast Jellyfish" (ft. Gruff Rhys and De La Soul), "Empire Ants" (ft. Little Dragon), "Some Kind of Nature" (ft. Lou Reed), "On Melancholy Hill", "Cloud of Unknowing" (ft. Bobby Womack and Sinfonia VIVA)

Top Tensday - Billboard Hot 100 Review: August 15, 2020

 Sorry guys I missed the last two weeks for pretty much no reason but I'm back! And hoo boy, the charts have changed. Luckily, all the predictions I made in my heaqd were correct, so we don't need to mull over that. Cool? Cool.

"Watermelon Sugar" at #1! That's nice to see a more summery song take the top spot, though "ROCKSTAR" kind of matches the mood better for this summer. New Billie Eilish,  which I haven't heard yet but will try to peep soon. And Chris Brown is here. Yep. In 2020.

Predictions:

Expecting a big debut for "WAP" next week, certainly top 10, but could it have the momentum to go all the way to the top? If it does, "Watermelon Sugar" and most of the other songs probably won't fall too far. We can only hope the opposite is true for Chris Brown, though.

Chromatica by Lady Gaga - ALBUM REVIEW

Lady Gaga is back! And... better than ever? Well, maybe not, but as far as a Lady Gaga album goes, this one still works pretty well.

Man, what a time to release an album full of dance tracks, a time when no one is going to the club or partying (or at the very least shouldn't be, lookin' at you, Chainsmokers). I feel like this album became under-appreciated as a result in favour of more lowkey releases like Charli XCX's how i'm feeling now. But it still did the numbers. Big numbers, in fact. so maybe it also works as an escapist album. The two lead singles, "Stupid Love" and "Rain on Me" with Ariana Grande, certainly evoke feelings of joy and excitement in an era where that's hard to come by. But those are just the singles. Does the rest of the album shake out?

Well, for the most part, it's perfectly great pop music. Some songs are better than others, and I'm not sure I agree with the grandiose tone this album tries to strike with three different musical interludes. But as a pop album, it works. I'd say the only song that really doesn't fit is "Sour Candy", which scans more as a BLACKPINK song featuring Lady Gaga than the other way around. But it's still a decent BLACKPINK song. I wouldn't say any of these songs fall flat, and the singles certainly soar. It's not Lady Gaga's best album by any stretch, but it's far from disappointing.

8/10

Best Tracks: "Stupid Love", "Rain on Me" (with Ariana Grande), "Free Woman", "Fun Tonight", "Plastic Doll", "Replay"