Flashback Friday: "Cars" - Gary Numan (1980)

Today we're looking at one of the jammiest new wave smash hits of all time. So jammy, I just decided to lead in with the song itself. Seriously, listen to that synth riff: DOOdododododoDOOdododododo...

Anyway, many a song has been written about cars. But usually those songs are about gettin' your motor runnin' or jumping in one's car. Sorry, I had to link the Hasselhoff version. I had to.

Anyway, "Cars" is a little different. Instead of reckless driving or reckless pickup lines, the song provides a different sort of fantasy about cars:

Here in my car
I feel safest of all
I can lock all my doors
It's the only way to live

What I'm trying to say is, Steppenwolf's "Born to Be Wild" and this would be an ambitious mash-up at best.

As is the case with many new wave acts, this song thrives on being slightly awkward, as shown by the delivery of the last line in each stanza:

In cars

It just... ends. Every single time. It sounds so awkwardly placed, but that's where the charm for this song comes from. I mean, does this guy sound normal to you anyway? "I can lock all my doors, it's the only way to live"? This is almost Rockwell-level paranoia. Except I don't think Rockwell was being awkward on purpose.

"Awkward charm" does kind of sound like an oxymoron, I'll admit, but this song does it well. As do many other new wave songs. I mean, sometimes we just need someone to relate to. Someone who will just lock themselves up in a car to feel safe. Of course, I think you might actually be safer in a house... but who am I to judge where this guy's safe haven is? It's in cars, and I can respect that.

Plus, as I mentioned before, the synths here are just killer. DOOdododododo, DOOdododododo... I'll stop now. I think I'll just go sit in my car for awhile. Maybe lock all the doors, so I can feel safe.

Top 10 Thursday: Top 10 Reasons Dr. Dre is Better Than You

This Top 10 list ain't nuthin' but a G thang.

Dr. Dre. The man of millions, soon to be billions, of dollars. And you need ten reasons to know why he's better than you, eh, commoner? Well, I'm here to give you ten:

10. He's still got people waiting for Detox.

Yes, Detox, the long-awaited yet never-released "final" album from Dr. Dre. When other rappers are professing that you will never release the album, you will never release the album. Yet fans are still split on the issue. Will he or won't he? Well, if we're to take 50 Cent seriously, then he won't, but then again, are we ever to take 50 Cent seriously?

9. He doesn't write his own songs... and nobody really cares.

When you have a presence in hip hop music like Dr. Dre does, you don't need to do a silly thing like write your own music. That's what you have people like RBX and Jay-Z for. He reportedly just oversees his lyrics. They're written for him and then he suggests edits to them. He's a lyrics editor. Pretty good gig to back up rapping.

8. He has the integrity not to rap on a Katy Perry song.

Okay, yes, I did admit to liking this song, but it wasn't because of Snoop Doggy Sellout.

7. He has a song specifically for when you forget him, so you can remember that you forgot him.

But of course, you would never forget him, so the point is moot.

6. He wore a pirate eyepatch in 2Pac's "California Love" video.

"Yarr, I be the rapscallion they call Dre! Show me dat California booty!"

5. Beats headphones are okay.

Mine broke after wearing them for less than a year, but they were still okay while they lasted.

4. He was part of N.W.A.

Straight outta Compton, crazy motherfucker named... Dre. Being one of the primary producers for N.W.A. makes Dr. Dre a worthy candidate for being one of the most important people in hip hop.

3. He's a producer, rapper, and entrepreneur.

Meanwhile, I can barely do the Sudoku and crossword in my newspaper. And I sure as hell ain't making money for that.

2. The man is Eminem's mentor.

Eminem, one of the most dangerous personalities in music of the late 90's and early 00's, had Dr. Dre as his mentor. Gotta give him credit for that. Not going to give him credit for just standing there and not operating though.

1. He's fuckin' rich.

Apple has just purchased Beats headphones from Dr. Dre for 3 billion dollars, making his net worth between 700 and 800 million dollars. You know, I'm just happy someone finally beat out P. Diddy for the title of world's richest rapper. But yeah, Dr. Dre is fuckin' rich. Money rules the world. That's reason enough.

Watch-for-it Wednesday: "Come With Me Now" - KONGOS

So, who knew that the perfect way to pack a punch in a song was to add in an accordion?

This is "Come with Me Now", the #1 song on the Heatseekers chart right now. It is pretty damn awesome.

Let's take a look at this band, KONGOS. Who are they? Where did they come from? Well, they're the Kongos brothers, and they're from South Africa. There. That should clear things up.

KONGOS' debut album Lunatic was released in 2012, with their first single "I'm Only Joking" topping various South African charts. Then they re-released Lunatic in the United States in 2013, and, well, here we are now with "Come with Me Now".

Any lyrics of this song I feel are a moot point, since that song is riding on its bouncy melody and that catchy chorus. Lord knows I've had it stuck in my head for days before doing this review. I'm always happy to see a new rock band making it through, since rock music is pretty scarce in the pop charts these days. We could use a summer anthem like "Come With Me Now". It'd definitely be better than last year's "summer anthem", is all I'm saying.

But if I do look at the song's lyrics, I think they're dealing with a fear of being past one's prime.

I stood at this door before, I'm told
But a part of me knows that I'm growing too old

Part of that natural aging process would be not being able to do things you were once able to do, like party.

I tried to sell my soul last night
Funny, he wouldn't even take a bite

Looking at it this way, it's kind of a desperate-sounding song. The lyrics bellow "come with me now", and the singer sounds like he wants to, but may lack the physical capabilities to do so. It also deals with the agony of neglecting to face one's fears.

Afraid to lose control
And caught up in this world
I've wasted time, I've wasted breath
I think I've thought myself to death

It's about taking risks while you still can. It's about not being afraid of life. It's the perfect summer anthem, the more and more I think about it. So come with me now, to the final analysis.

Hot 100 Success:

Will they have it?

My prediction on "The Walker" was unfortunately a bust, so I won't hold my breath for these guys. But I still do think there is hope for them. They've been steadily climbing up the Heatseekers chart at this point. What's to stop them from entering the Top 50?

Should they have it?

If we're to have any fun this summer with the Billboard Hot 100, then yes. Yes they should.

CanTunes Tuesday: "Goodbye" - Glenn Morrison ft. Islove

A breakup song by an electronic music DJ. Not pumping it up, but simmering it down. How well can this work? Let's find out.

Sure, there have been emotionally manipulative EDM songs before...

I LOVE YOU SWEDISH HOUSE MAFIA! HAVE MY BABIES! Wait, that wouldn't really work. Oh well. Anyway, yeah, there has been "serious" EDM in the past, but I haven't really heard anything this... depressing before.

Goodbye, I am left alone
In the streets of Mexico

Or baffling, for that matter. Mexico? What are you doing in Mexico? You're Canadian.

In your heart was a place
But the glass always breaks

"In your heart was a place"? What does that mean? Is it a glass house? is that why the glass always breaks? Are you throwing stones at her heart? What?

Now I
I wanna know
What it took to leave me

Well, you're not clear with your metaphors. Maybe that's part of it?

Goodbye and it starts to snow
In the streets of Mexico

This is probably the only halfway-decent lyric of the bunch, but it leads me to believe that this all takes place in Mexico solely because of that one line. "Look, it's snowing in Mexico! Because imagery! IMAGERY!"

Yeah, this worked about as well as I thought it would. I just don't think that DJs have enough emotional depth to carry the topic of breaking up. And this song doesn't do that reputation any favours. Instead of conveying passionate emotion, it's just a boring downer. Of course, the singer doesn't help either. Islove's just as responsible for the song's mood. Goodbye to "Goodbye', and good riddance, I say. Blech.

Monday Musings: Is Macklemore a Macklemoron?

Macklemore... you know I try to stick up for you. You know I know you're a good person underneath all the controversial politics, and you only mean the best for society through your lyrics and your presence. But... dear God.

This... what is this? And your defense is...

Uh... really? You couldn't have considered what that might look like? Macklemore, are you a Macklemoron?

Okay, to be fair, Macklemore did eventually do the honourable thing and apologize for his questionable costume. But the fact that he couldn't seem to see what people were so riled up about in the first place kind of makes me question his judgment. Sure, he's got "Same Love" to defend his principles and judgment, but this misstep has me baffled. How seriously am I supposed to take Macklemore, AKA the Thrift Shop Guy? Have I answered my own question by calling him the Thrift Shop Guy? Let's take a closer look.

On the one hand, Macklemore seems like a genuinely nice and fun guy who cares deeply about LGBT rights. You can't fault him for that, right?

Well, for some people it's not that clear-cut. A lot of people have accused Macklemore of being out of his depth and even exploiting the gay community for fame. Personally, I find it disheartening that a song with such a positive message, or if you don't believe that, at least good intentions, causes this much controversy. Why, just because it was made by two straight white guys? Where's the basis in that argument? Straight white people can't support LGBT rights? Whatever.

...and then he goes and does shit like dressing up like a stereotypical Jewish man and playing dumb afterwards, and I just lose my respect.

Maybe Macklemore is out of his depth with his socially conscious lyrics. Maybe I was wrong to put "Same Love" as my Number 1 song of 2013. But then I look at all the supporters that Macklemore has, and I feel like he is making an overall positive difference in the world today. He might not be the same, but that's not important. No freedom 'til yada yada yada.

So, overall, I still have some kind of respect for Macklemore. He's treaded some dark waters with racial politics, but I think he carries himself well through all the controversy and doesn't take bullshit. And that's something I can get behind. Macklemore, you're alright.

"Ain't it Fun" - Paramore

This is Paramore:

And this is also Paramore:

Uh... when your hair gets lighter, do your songs get lighter too? Is that a thing?

Obviously something's working with their mood change, because they've scored their first Top 10 hit ever with their new pop rock single, "Ain't it Fun".

Now, Paramore's shift into a more pop-friendly style has angered some Paramore fans, who prefer the dark, brash sound that they were known for with songs like "Ignorance" and "Decode". Me, personally? Yeah, I can't help but long for their edgier sound, but I can enjoy their poppier sound too. Especially when they're countered with sarcastic lyrics like these:

Ain't it fun living in the real world
Ain't it good being all alone

Yeah, don't let the upbeat sound fool you; this is a mean, biting song. And I love it.

It's a breakup song. Specifically, Hayley Williams breaking up with the guy, for this reason: he is cartoonishly high-maintenance.

Where you're from
You might be the one who's running things
Well, you can ring anybody's bell to get what you want

Yeah, one of those people. More importantly, Hayley thinks that this guy will have a tough time dealing with the breakup, because of his high-maintenance personality. And she relishes the thought, because she knows what it's like to feel hurt after a breakup, and wants to make sure others feel the same way.

You see, it's easy to ignore trouble
When you're living in a bubble

This guy has not had a single painful thing happen to him in his life, and that just won't stand for Hayley. She's going to make sure this breakup stings.

Don't go crying to your mama 
Cause you're on your own in the real world

But I also think the song evokes a little more than just well-deserved bitchiness. It's also a wake-up call to the guy: "Hey, shit happens." On its surface, it just seems rather mean. But I also think it's kind of a "tough love" thing. This is the real world, and you have to deal with the problems you get, rather than relying on someone else. Also, I looove that gospel choir in the background.

So, you know what? Despite Paramore's sudden change of style in 2013, I still love this song. It's got so much going for it. It's fun, but smart. It's edgy, but lighthearted. And it gives enough reason for Paramore fans to remain Paramore fans. Yes, their style has changed, but their edge is still there. Just look into the lyrics. Ain't it fun to have a positive attitude? Yes, yes it is.

Weekend Wrap-Up (May 18-24 2014): Are You Sick of K-Pop Yet?

Welcome to another weekend wrap-up! Let's get started.

KCON, a U.S.-based convention dedicated to everything K-pop has grown to two days of concerts this year, due to swelling interest in K-pop in America. It will take place August 9-10 in downtown Los Angeles, and the artists to perform will be announced soon.

In other news, the BBMAs happened last week and the most noteworthy performance was Michael Jackson's hologram performing "Slave to the Rhythm". I have... mixed feelings about the idea, but both the producers and the audience seemed to love it, so it looks like MJ will be entertaining for years to come.

Case in point, Michael Jackson's new song featuring Justin Timberlake, "Love Never Felt So Good", has cracked the Top 10. This makes Michael Jackson the artist with the longest range of songs in the Top 10, from 1971 to 2014, beating out previous record-holder Carlos Santana. More importantly, it means I have to get my claws into the song soon.

In other record-breaking news, Kid Ink has broken the record  for the most weeks at the Number 1 position on the Rap Airplay chart. "Show Me" as of this week has spent 18 weeks at #1, overtaking previous record-holder Juvenile, with "Back That Thang Up" in 1999.

Finally, Marina Toybina, the costume designer for Katy Perry's Prismatic tour, has been interviewed about the different costumes for the tour. Excerpts of the interview can be found here.

Flashback Friday: "Because You Loved Me" - Celine Dion (1996)

Whooo! 1996!

In my spare time, I look back at Billboard year-end charts and see how great or how bad the year was. And 1996 was a freakin' awesome year. Gin Blossoms, 2Pac, Busta Rhymes, Dishwalla, I could go on and on.

But, for every good year, there are still some bad songs that make the cut.

Bonjour, Celine Dion.

For some reason, this got popular alongside... The Macarena, and... that "c'mon ride the train" song... well, maybe 1996 wasn't as great as I thought.

No, the good still outweighs the bad. But sometimes the bad rises to the top, so let's look at this Celine Dion song that was #3 on the list.

Looking at the song, there's really nothing objectively bad about it. Celine Dion's got a nice singing voice, and the music is soft and sweet. But this song is also one thing that I absolutely cannot forgive in music:

Booooooooorrrrrrrriiiiiiiiiinnnnnnng.

Yes, it's a nice song, but it's not a very interesting one at all. Even though Celine Dion does take some risks with her voice, it's not enough to save the song. It has pretty much the same melody over and over: Da da DAAAA da da-da da-da. The lyrics aren't really that great either.

For all those times you stood by me
For all the truth that you made me see

The lyrics are there. They exist. But they're not doing anything; they're just sitting there. Everything is so vague that it fails to form a cohesive story and just degenerates into slog. Each line is just the same thing over and over.

You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see

And you were my ears when I couldn't hear. You were my nose when I couldn't smell. You had my back when I was an invertebrate. Actually, I kind of wish that "invertebrate" line made the cut. It at least puts a clear picture in my mind. Celine Dijellyfish.

And the pain from my stings will... go on...

This song is ridiculous. It's like she's singing to a "hang in there kitty" motivational poster. Actually, she could be singing this to anybody. Her lover, her kid, her grandma. The only thing that hints that she's singing this to a lover is the use of the word "baby". Though admittedly, it's still better than Justin Bieber.

I'd like to say more about this song, but... what else is there to say about nothing? I do think that Celine Dion is a good singer, but her songs have no soul. I don't feel anything when I hear them, because the melodies are too boring and the lyrics aren't specific enough. It's such a waste of talent to have her singing this pointless dreck. I don't want to hate Celine Dion, because she seems like a sweet person. But her songs. They leave me no choice. Désolé, ma belle.

Top 10 Thursday: Top 10 Dance Songs of the 21st Century

Let's dance!

Specifically, let's dance to tunes from this century! Sorry, Bowie.

Don't give me that look. Anyway, today we're going to count down the Top 10 dance songs of the 21st century! Why? Because many view the 2000s and beyond to be a bastardization of previous music genres. Hell, even Wikipedia describes it as "nondescript". That seems a little harsh, don't you think? I mean, are the 2000s really that bad?

Okay, point taken. No, wait! You can do that with any decade of music! Here, here's the 90's summed up:

So there. It may be scientifically proven that one bad apple spoils the whole bunch, but it's not metaphorically true. The 2000s have a lot of great music, and you know what? If I have to go through every genre in this century to prove it to you, then I'll do it! Starting with dance.

10. "Marry the Night" - Lady Gaga (2011)

Lady Gaga at her core is a pop queen. So it's only natural that at least one of her songs had to make it onto this list. "Marry the Night" is one of Gaga's most spectacular tunes, with the synth buildup to the fiery chorus. Just makes you want to get out and marry the night. Wonder how that would work, exactly?

9. "Hips Don't Lie" - Shakira ft. Wyclef Jean (2006)

As far as sexy dance jams go, this is one of the sexiest, not least because of Shakira backing up her lyrics with her moves in the video.

This song was freakin' everywhere in 2006. I mean that literally; it was the best-selling single of the decade worldwide. And it's easy to see why. With Latin music gaining ground in the late 90's, the world was waiting for something like this to become the worldwide magnum opus. With Wyclef Jean and Shakira on the job, you know it'll get done. Shakira, Shakira!

8. "Stronger" - Britney Spears (2001)

From her first big hit, you knew that Britney Spears wasn't about to go away anytime soon. This was a pop presence that was here to stay. And no song projects more self-confidence from her than this dance jam, "Stronger". You know, some people say that Britney Spears didn't deserve her fame, but regardless of whether you thought she had talent or not, she had presence, damnit! And I'll greatly take this over some of her other female pop counterparts at the time.

7. "We No Speak Americano" - Yolanda Be Cool and DCUP (2010)

Say what you want about how mindblowingly stupid this song is; it's a definite earworm. And you know what? I wouldn't have it any other way. I love the beat and the lyrics professing how the singer doesn't speak "American". Perhaps they don't insert "bald eagle" every third word to get the right accent. In any case, the song is a goofy yet charming dance tune.

6. "Toxic" - Britney Spears (2004)

Yeah, I might be a Britney Spears fan. So what? If millions of tweenage girls from the 2000s can like her, then so can I! But rest assured that this is the second and last song to make the list. I'm not sure if it's my favourite Spears song in general, but it's definitely her danciest. The fast-paced beat, coupled with Bollywood strings and syrupy vocals to guarantee the song lodged in your head fore the rest of the day. The chorus is definitely one of Britney's highlights as a musician.

5. "California Gurls" - Katy Perry ft. Snoop Dogg (2010)

Well, what can I say? Like many good dance songs, the beat hooks me. And God damn, that is a catchy chorus. Sure, the entire song is insanely stupid, like a lot of Katy's music, but at least it's fun to listen to and even sing along to. Of course, being neither from California nor a gurl, I'm kind of out of my depth. Good thing Snoop has a rap verse to bring it all together.

Or maybe "fade into the background to further showcase Katy Perry", but either way, it all bizarrely works for me. It's a cheery, poppy tune that you can't resist bobbing your head to. Or tapping your toe to; I don't judge.

4. "Idealistic" - Digitalism (2007)

I had the idea that I would put this song high on my list. It's pretty different from almost everything on this list so far, as the other songs, while dancey, at least had a pop element to them that made them go fairly mainstream. Not here. This is straight-up techno, and you can leave your lyrics at the door, thank you very much.

Not that this song doesn't have lyrics, but they are definitely not the focal point of this song. The focal points are the beat and synths. And while it tends to all sound the same if you listen for it for too long, you couldn't really call it "boring" either. This track is full of danceable, clubbing energy that plants an idea in your head to dance. Or fist-pump. Again, no judging.

3. "Bad Boys" - Alexandra Burke ft. Flo Rida (2010)

This is not only a great song to dance to, this is also just a great pop song in general. Again, looove that chorus. So freakin' catchy. Far be it from me to praise Flo Rida, and I won't. Because he isn't doing anything different, and he's definitely not the star of this track, as is the case with every track he's on. It's Alexandra Burke and her great voice. Never has a bad boy sounded more appealing to me. This is just a fun song. And the more fun they are, the higher they rank on this list.

2. "Just Dance" - Lady Gaga (2009)

Of course this song has to make it. It practically commands you to dance, starting from the title. And this is a request easy to fulfill when you listen to RedOne's flawless production, right down to the breakdown after the third chorus. It's just a masterpiece of dance music, from the singers and the producer. Just dance. Gonna be okay.

1. "Mr. Saxobeat" - Alexandra Stan (2011)

A lot of catchy dance songs that hook you right in with their beat and instruments made this list. But only one of them could top it. And it had to be the catchiest, hookiest dance song of them all. That song, for me, is "Mr. Saxobeat".

There's something about a saxophone. If it's played well, it's like magic in your ears. And here, the saxophone is played very well. Not to mention the beat and Alexandra Stan's sexy vocals. Here, the lyrics are pretty much what you'd expect from a dance song: raunchy, fun, and well-delivered.

Mr. Saxobeat makes me dance, brings me up, brings me down, plays it sweet, makes me move like a freak

He does all that, huh? Must be fun. Maybe I should go out dancing more often.

And there you have it. The song that makes me consider going out and dancing. The dance song to end all dance songs... of the 21st century.

Watch-for-it Wednesday: "Red Lights" - Tiësto

So, Tiësto.

You know, sometimes an artist can hook you in with a different-sounding name, and then they just play the same goddamn music that everyone else plays (i.e. Calvin Harris, who already has a song out now, by the way).

I don't know. This song just completely rubs me the wrong way, not least because it broke my positivity streak. Thanks a lot, song! But why do I have such an averse reaction to this? I'll tell you why: Because it's not dong anything I don't expect! Look, it's got the party hard lyrics, the beat changing in the chorus, the beat overtaking the song after the last part of the chorus...

And the problem is all that and more. "Red Lights" is probably the most generic song you could release in this day and age. It's the Default of 2014, if you will. It's got a pretty generic video too, as far as EDM goes. Look, it's pretty ladies in a desert, and then they're in a club. Literally the characters and both possible settings in every EDM video. Why are there so many dance videos in the desert anyway? When I'm in the desert, I'm moving as little as possible to conserve energy, not dancing!

Anyway, if it were just generic that would be one thing. But it also advocates reckless driving.

We could just run them red lights
We could just run them red lights

No. No, you shouldn't run red lights. There's a difference between living on the edge and dying like a moron. *sigh* YOLO, I guess? Has that phrase died yet? Sure hope so.

This is so bad. It's obviously not meant to evoke any emotion; it's supposed to trick the brainwashed public into buying the song and making it score all the way to the top of the charts. Except it's waaay too generic to do so. We've got a new wave of R&B and funk coming in to replace EDM, and I think Tiësto jumped on the train a little too late, only adding to the level of this song's incompetence.

Fuck this, I'm so done. Let's get to the verdicts:

Hot 100 Success:

Will he have it?

Like I said, he caught the tail end of a trend that's slowly dying out. I don't think he'll be having much success until the EDM revival of 2033. And he'll be pretty old by then. God, he's 45 now.

Should he have it?

Well, in case I didn't already make it clear, N-O. No. He has no place in the current pop scene with his generic EDM bullshit, thank you very much. Goodbye and good riddance, Tiësto. May I never have to press ALT-137 again.