Monday Musings: Why Pitbull?

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Why is Pitbull a thing?

Why is he one of the most cockroach-like rappers out there, in the sense that he WON'T GO AWAY? Why does he have to plague pop music the way he does? Why is he popular?

Let's see if we can answer some of those questions.

Pitbull's career launched in 2001, when he was signed to Luke Records by Julian Boothe. He went on to be introduced to Robert Fernandez of Famous Artist Music & Management. Fernandez liked what he heard and worked with Pitbull to create a more radio-friendly sound. He was introduced to Lil Jon in the process, and come 2004, this is what they come up with.

This is "Culo", a crunk-reggeaton song that did decently well in 2004, climbing to #32 on the charts. Now we can assume this this is where Pitbull's career should have ended, right?

Well, this is where Pitbull's special skill comes in: latching on to the popular music trend that best suits him. Here he is doing dancey club jams in 2010. Here he is doing some EDM-like thing in 2013. That's what Pitbull does. He takes whatever's popular and gnaws at it like... a pitbull.

That explains the "why", I think, because as much as I rag on the guy, he's not the worst thing in the world. He's just kind of this boring badness that, well, people allow to get popular these days. So, why Pitbull? Because nobody else will do what Pitbull does.

"Am I Wrong" - Nico & Vinz

Hey, pop music had better stop being so good, or I'm not gonna be able to make any jokes.

This is exactly the kind of music we need to wash out Iggy Azalea and Jason Derulo (who, just so you're all aware, has yet another song in the Top 10). Something that actually sounds pleasing to the ear. Something that I actually want to listen to. Thank you, Norwegian pop duo Nico & Vinz.

The song celebrates individuality, and I certainly can't think of anything else like it on the charts. It's got this pulsating, commanding beat to complement the chorus singer's powerful voice. Both singers do well on this song, but it's the singer on the chorus that really blows me away.

The more I think about it, the more I can draw a comparison, actually: This is "The Man" done right.

Now, I like Aloe Blacc well enough, but that song, as some may recall, didn't do much for me.This song, unlike "The Man", has conviction that makes you believe that Nico & Vinz are doing something different. To be honest, there's not much in this song in terms of lyrical variety. Nico & Vinz go to the well about as often as they can regarding the topic of individuality, which... is pretty damn ironic, I have to say.

But I've heard many a bad lyric in my time, and this song only flirts with that idea.

Am I tripping for having a vision?

Eh... that line's okay. Anyway, it's the energy brought out through this song that makes it stick in your head. This is the song we need for a summer anthem. So keep climbing up the charts, Nico & Vinz, and dethrone I-G-G-Y Azalea. Please?

Weekend Wrap-Up (Jun. 1-7 2014): KCON, Songs of the Summer and Twitter

Hey, another weekend wrap-up is underway! Here. We. Go!

Acts performing at KCON 2014 have been announced. They include CNBLUE, Girls' Generation, and BTS. The festival is set to be held this August in Los Angeles.

The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame premiered last week on HBO, this year honouring inductees Peter Gabriel, KISS, Nirvana, Linda Ronstadt, Cat Stevens, and Hall & Oates. The show featured many female artists covering Nirvana and Ronstadt songs, including Carrie Underwood, Joan Jett, Sheryl Crow, and Stevie Nicks.

PSY and Snoop Dogg will be releasing a new single entitled "Hangover" on June 8th. Not much I can say about this one, except Lord help us all.

It has been revealed that heavy metal band Gwar's Dave Brockie has died of a heroin overdose. Brockie died earlier this year, having been one of the longest-lasting members of the group.

Billboard's Songs of the Summer chart has returned, prompting predictions for 2014's song of the summer. Iggy Azalea's "Fancy" holds a strong spot in people's minds currently, but there are other options, including Ariana Grande's "Problem" and John Legend's "All of Me".

Ariana Grande and Iggy Azalea also dominate the first week of Billboard's Twitter chart with "Problem". This also increases Ariana's position vastly on the Billboard Social 50, climbing 6 spots to #2. Justin Bieber is #1, but let's not talk about him.

Finally, the rock band KISS, while refusing to perform at the rock and roll Hall of Fame, is now celebrating 40 years of Billboard hits, charting their 35th album just recently, breaking their tie with Pearl Jam to reach 35 hit albums and become the American band with the third most-charted albums.

Flashback Friday: "Promiscuous" - Nelly Furtado ft. Timbaland (2006)

Hey, am I throwing you off? Nope? Didn't think so.

Welcome to another Flashback Friday! Man oh man, I don't know the extent of this song's popularity in the States, but you'd better believe it was everywhere in Canada. Bar none, Canada's summer anthem of 2006. And most of that can be attributed to the popularity of Canada's sweetheart, Nelly Furtado.

Furtado's career took off after she released her debut album, Whoa, Nelly! If you'll excuse me, I'm going to laugh at that album title for a good five minutes. Until then, enjoy this picture of an adorably sad truck.

Awwww... Anyway, she started out as another typical girl next door-type singer. You know, like Vanessa Carlton or Michelle Branch. Just makin' their way like a bird and all they want is somebody who cared. But then the album Loose came out in 2006. And Nelly Furtado lived up to the album's title. No longer the chaste young woman she was on "I'm Like a Bird", she turned into a sex-driven, dare I say promiscuous girl.

And if you don't like the song "Promiscuous", you're a liar.

I mean, sure, it's not intelligent. Not by any means. But there's another reason this was a huge hit: it's a damn catchy jam, thanks to Timbaland, both his beats and his guest rap. Not to discredit Nelly Furtado on this track, however. She holds her own, giving one of her best vocal performances of her career.

But there's another reason this song works: in addition to the promiscuous girl, there's also a promiscuous boy. And it's hard to tell who's coming on to who and who's playing hard-to-get. It's an adventure of a song; an adventure of promiscuity and name-dropping basketball players.

Is your game MVP like Steve Nash

Bitch please, everybody knows Kevin Durant's mom is the real MVP. Timbaland's got nothing on that. But Timbaland's also got his share of name-dropping.

They call me Thomas
Last name Crown
Recognize game
Ima lay mine's down

So... what, you're going to stage a heist then? Steve Nash would never do that... at least, I don't think he would... Got my eye on you now, Steve. So yeah, there's cheesy lyrics here and there. I honestly think it ends up becoming a little comedic, like these two talk big game but don't know how to play it up. Look at this chorus:

Promiscuous girl
Wherever you are
I’m all alone
And it's you that I want

Promiscuous boy
You already know
That I’m all yours
What you waiting for?

Promiscuous girl
You're teasing me
You know what I want
And I got what you need

Promiscuous boy
Let's get to the point
Cause we're on a roll
You ready?

Both Nelly and Timbaland blame the other for not making the first move. "Oh, you're teasing me!" "Oh, what are you waiting for?" This makes the song more enjoyable for me; it's almost like they're in a club and can't hear each other, so they're just making up the other half of the conversation.

Promiscuous boy
I'm calling your name
But you're driving me crazy
The way you're making me wait

It's almost like if you saw these two in real life, you would just tell them to kiss already or something.

Nelly says that they don't gotta play games no more at the end of the song, but I can't help but imagine that this awkward foreplay goes on for hours. This makes me laugh. So for making me laugh, you get a pass, "Promiscuous". Bonus points for the Timberlake cameo in the video.

Awwww. Who's bringing sexy back? You are! You are!

Top 10 Thursday: Top 10 Reasons Why One Direction Should Smoke More Pot

Oh my god! It turns out that One Direction might not be good role models! Who knew?

But they seemed so squeaky clean... so non-sleazeballish... well, time to take the subtext out of "What Makes You Beautiful" and put it right into the text: One Direction are pot-smoking sleazeballs!

Well... Louis and Zayn smoke pot. The jury's still out on the other three. But you know what? I welcome this new change for One Direction. And to show you why, here are my top ten reasons why One Direction should keep smoking weed.

10. It's a great example for the kids.

Okay, let's start things off with a dose of sarcasm. Much of the backlash takes the form of "think about the children" diatribes that would make Helen Lovejoy roll her eyes. All right, let's be honest here: Are kids going to know about this unless you show it to them? No. Let the kids enjoy their Kidz Bop and 1D garbage; you don't need to show them a video where they're smoking weed. As for teenagers... well, they don't need Zayn and Louis to tell them to light it up.

9. It'll make them feel insecure, and they won't know what for.

Just like the things that apparently make you beautiful in the song "What Makes You Beautiful", ladies. Now One Direction will be beautiful too! Boy, I wish I was insecure about my beauty so I could be beautiful. It's a real catch-22, that song. Real catch-22.

8. It could help them to remember the lines to the "best song ever".

Eh, that song's okay.

7. It would give more context to the name of their most recent tour.

"Where Are We"? "Where Are We"? Who else would forget where they are when touring other than potheads?

6. This news story has helped me to learn their names.

There's Louis, and Zayn, and Billybob, and Chim Chim Cheree, and... yeah, that's all I've got.

5. Maybe they'll come up with better lyrics.

Please. Please. PLEASE.

4. It's better than doing other drugs.

Cocaine: bad. Meth: bad. Heroin: very, very bad. Pot? Eh... comparably okay.

3. Now we'll see who the true Directioners are because...

2. They're losing fans.

It's true! Apparently smoking pot is the absolute worst thing that One Direction can imaginably do. Fans are allegedly ripping up their tickets and denouncing their faith in the boy band. And then there's other fans who say that the fans who aren't fans anymore aren't real fans. Uh, duh. They said they weren't. Anyway, if this is all it takes for 1D to lose fans, then...

1. Maybe they'll inspire Justin Bieber to do the same thing and maybe HE'LL start losing fans.

PLEEEEEAAAAASSSSEEEE.

Watch-for-it Wednesday: "2 On" - Tinashe ft. SchoolBoy Q

In the most recent years of hip hop and R&B, the intelligence level hasn't exactly been hard to reach, if you catch my drift.

For one thing, Jason Derulo is still making music. That alone should remind everybody that stupid is here to stay, no matter how many groundbreaking artists try to break the mold. But stupid isn't all bad. Here to prove that is newcomer solo artist Tinashe.

This is a prime example of what it takes to get popular. Sex, sex, sex, and drinking. And sex. But what separates this from a Jason Derulo song? I'm glad you asked.

For starters, barring SchoolBoy Q's verse, "2 On" is actually a sexy song. SchoolBoy's verse isn't bad, but it does kind of kill the mood for me. The sexy vibe comes partly from DJ Mustard's beat, but a lot of it comes from Tinashe's voice.

I love to get on
I love to get 2 on

Not that I really know what she's saying. You love to get 2 what on? Guys? A threesome?

But like I said, it's not about the lyrics, and that's a good thing:

Give me all that you got now
Make you want me 'cause I'm hot now

It's about the mood. And this song does set a decent mood. Tinashe's got a great voice for the part, and Mustard's beat here is a lot better than "Show Me".

But there's another important component here that separates "2 On" from much of today's R&B: it's not overtly douchey. Sure, this girl wants to have sex and smoke weed and drink; who doesn't? She's just a party girl. She's not demanding any sex, and she's certainly not travelling the world just to bang hot guys.

So, on the surface this does seem exactly the same as every other stupid R&B hit, but I think this one is a better offering in the genre. i'd love to put this on in place of many songs on the radio today.

Hot 100 Success:

Will she have it?

I can't decide whether the world needs Tinashe or not. I mean, I like the song, but I don't know if it's enough to catch on with the public. "Maybe" pile?

Should she have it?

I'm down for hearing more Tinashe. I'll stick up for this bright spot in shallow music.

CanTunes Tuesday: "Cheap Wine and Cigarettes" - Jess Moskaluke

I don't really cover a lot of country music here, and I'm kind of glad about that.

Country music is just so stupid these days. All this bro-douchey, let's go have a beer garbage. Whenever you find a decent country song these days, it's usually sung by a female.

In fact, I'm going to say it: Female country artists are better than male country artists. Especially these days, where the male country music is just way too smug and dumb to enjoy. I mean, that Blake Shelton song, "Cruise", "That's My Kind of Night"... ugh. I guess I've already done my song and dance on country, but here we have a female country singer hailing from Canada. Her name is Jess Moskaluke.

Hey yeah, hey yeah, hey. Well, it's a catchy melody at least. Now what's the subject matter here? Cheap wine and cigarettes? What about them?

I can’t put you down like 

Cheap wine and cigarettes

Oh, okay. I like the "toxic relationship" subject matter. I think it comes from a very real place, and is usually a lot more honest than a sappy love song. Okay, so slay me. How is this guy like cheap wine and cigarettes?

You’re like a curse 
You know I want you, crave you 
Wake up feeling worst

Okay... how is this guy like a curse, then? Is he a bad lay, but a good flirt? That's what i'm picking up from "wanting him" and then "waking up feeling worst".

Yeah but then the night comes around 
Baby I just can't put you down

You... haven't answered my question. How is he like a curse?

I can’t put you down like 
Cheap wine and cigarettes

Okay. stop for a second. HOW, IS HE LIKE, A CURSE? Or for that matter, how is he like cheap wine and cigarettes? You haven't explained anything! Here's the first verse:

You call me up 
When you get lonely 
You make me feel 
Like I’m the only one you love

There's nothing explicitly wrong here that the guy's doing. I mean, that last line kind of implies he has other lovers, but I personally just look at it as a really needy guy. Which could be a problem, but nothing that deserves the comparison to cheap wine and cigarettes, or a curse.

The song is catchy enough, I guess, but I can't excuse the clumsy songwriting. It sounds like she's trying to go for the "toxic relationship" subject, but failing at it. Honestly, there's not much evidence in the lyrics supporting either side of her feelings here. She says she can't get enough and all, but the only thing I see actually describing the guy beyond rude metaphors is the first verse, and it's pretty vague.

I would say that this song is like cheap wine and cigarettes, but that would imply I'm addicted to it. Which I'm not. Sorry, country music. You've failed me once again. So much for females being the saving graces of the genre.

I... I didn't mean it, Carrie! Please don't smash my nuts or whatever.

Monday Musings: Random Thoughts Vol. 1

Welcome to random thoughts! Here, I'll pretty much just be rambling about insignificant topics and making random points. So, you know, sticking to the course.

- If P. Diddy was a singer instead of a rapper he would be P. Ditty. Or just Ditty, I guess.

- I don't think Justin Bieber will be famous for his music ever again.

- Say, whatever happened to Shontelle?

- I wonder what Macklemore eats for breakfast in the Macklemorning.

- Pitbull without his sunglasses really creeps me out. For that matter, Putbull with his sunglasses is pretty creepy as well. I think Pitbull's just kinda creepy.

- Eleven people wrote "Jenny from the Block". ELEVEN PEOPLE. Conversely, only Freddie Mercury wrote "Bohemian Rhapsody".

- Dr. Dre's eyepatch in the "California Love" video is actually incredibly goofy.

- I don't have any problems with the 2Pac holograms, but for some reason Michael Jackson's put me off. At least no one uses them to claim Michael is really alive, though... as far as I know.

- There's nothing worse than hearing what you think is "The Message" and it turns out to be "Can't Nobody Hold Me Down".

- Chad Kroeger singing with Avril Lavigne is better than Nickelback, but the marriage thing is still immensely creepy.

That's it for this week! I'll probably do one of these every two months or so..

"Love Never Felt So Good" - Michael Jackson & Justin Timberlake

Okay, this one? Kiiiiinnnnndda iffy for me.

On the one hand, it's great to see Michael Jackson back on the charts again! On the other... it's really, really creepy to see Michael Jackson back on the charts again. And... oh God, this video is not helping. It kind of reminds me of the video for "Mo Money Mo Problems", except everybody seems completely oblivious that the dead guy is dead. No, please stop lip-syncing to Michael Jackson. It doesn't feel right. Also, it was already done with "Black or White", where it made sense and was more interesting. Ugh.

The other difference between this and "Mo Money Mo Problems" is that "Mo Money Mo Problems" was released not too long after Biggie's death, and therefore can be seen as a much-needed tribute. But Jackson's been dead for five years and this single is coming out just now, which makes me think "cash grab" more than anything. I mean, maybe I'd be excited to see a Michael Jackson video a year after his death... but five years is just too long.

That said, though, the song is great. Michael and Justin are an obvious pairing, and if you're skeptical of that, just listen to the song. I especially love how Justin's voice and the beat open the song. It's definitely something you can dance to.

But besides the creepiness of the idea, there's also a moral dilemma with this song. This track is a reworked version of a 1983 demo that never ended up being released to the public. So... wouldn't there be a logical reason why this wouldn't be released to the public? Like, maybe MJ didn't think it was good enough to merit a release? It's like if somebody released a movie Orson Welles made when he was five.

Of course, they do enough with the song so that Justin merits equal billing. Timbaland, the main producer behind the song, used sounds from other Michael Jackson songs to remix the track, and Justin holds his own throughout the song.

So on one hand, this is a great song that brings back a legend of pop music. But on the other, it's a morally questionable experiment in pop music that has a creepy vibe. But it's got a good beat and you can dance to it, so I'm giving this song a passing grade. Reanimating the dead never felt so good. Well, not since that 2Pac hologram, anyway.

Weekend Wrap-Up (May 25-31 2014): Minaj, Miranda and Mahone

Welcome, once again, to another weekend wrap-up! Let's see what Billboard news the world had to offer us in music news this week:

Kanye West has married Kim Kardashian! Until recently I thought they were already married before then, but news is news, even if it is Kardashian-related. The wedding took place at... I can't do this. Just click the link for more. *sigh*

In other news, Austin Mahone has debuted a new single on The Today Show. The single was called "Shadow", and many screaming fans were there to offer support. Ah, teen idols.

Queen is set to release a new album, with previously unreleased songs sung by Freddie Mercury. The album's title is most likely to be Queen Forever, according to Brian May. Queen will also be hitting the road soon for their first full North American tour, fronted by Adam Lambert and starting June 19th in Chicago.

Iggy Azalea's recent chart-topper "Fancy" has equated The Beatles with a milestone: Thanks to her guest spot on "Problem", she is now the second-ever artist to have the #1 and #2 songs on Billboard simultaneously with their first two Hot 100 Hits. Yaaaaay.

In other non-soul-crushing news, Miranda Lambert and Carrie Underwood have the highest-debuting song on the Country Hot 100 in nearly a year and a half; "Somethin' Bad" has entered the chart at #5. It has also notched the top spot on the Country Digital Songs chart, becoming Lambert's first chart-topper in that regard and Carrie Underwood's third.

And in other chart-topping news, Becky G has landed her first #1 hit on the Latin Rhythm Airplay chart with "Can't Get Enough", featuring everyone's favourite rapping rascal, Pitbull. The track's producer, Dr. Luke, has also scored his first #1 on any Latin chart.

Finally, in the R&B and hip hop world, Nicki Minaj, Meek Mill, and Robin Thicke are back on the charts. Robin Thicke apparently thinks he can win Paula Patton's love back with a corny-ass song, Nicki Minaj's song is a love ballad, and Meek Mill's song is just straight up crazy violent. And that's your music this week. Seeya tomorrow!