Boy, I sure do a lot of cover songs here, don't I?
I'd let you in on my systematic approach to determine what songs I choose to review, but then I'd have to kill you. So, with that morbid thought in mind, let's dive in! Okay, so let's look at the original version first. "It's My Life" was originally recorded by Talk Talk, a British synthpop band from 1984. This version had a lot of wild animals in the video, for some reason. And while this is passable, it doesn't really do much to differentiate itself from other synthpop of that era. It also doesn't pack enough of a punch, in my opinion. So, enter No Doubt with their version. While this version packs more of a punch than the original, I feel like the song itself is simply not strong enough for No Doubt. They really try to give it all they have, but there's only so much you can do with this song. Gwen Stefani especially seems restrained by this. Hey, at least the video makes a lot more sense. I love No Doubt. I think they're a tour de force of all different genres, from punk to new wave to reggae. But covering a mediocre 1980's synthpop song? Not one of their strongest efforts.
Well, someone broke free of one-hit-wonder status.
With her second top ten hit, it looks like Lorde isn't going away. Good or bad thing? Well, I was kind of ambivalent-to-negative about "Royals", but as the year went by the song grew on me. I'd now say I'm ambivalent-to-positive about it. But this song? Well, how can I put it? It's just... Awesome! I finally get the hype around Lorde. In a world full of blandness and stupidity in pop music, "Team" is a breath of fresh air, with an interesting, beautiful production. Far more interesting than "Royals", might I add.
It really is a fantastic song from beginning to end. It starts out with these dark-sounding vocals, and then as the drum beat kicks in, the full potential of Lorde's vocals are heard. This girl can sing, kids. And I mean "girl" quite literally. She's 17 what the hell. Yeah, I'm totally impressed by this. If I had to nitpick just one thing, the line here I'm kind of over getting told to throw my hands up in the air, so there is a little too reminiscent of her complaining about popular music in "Royals", but even this works for me more so than the jabs in "Royals", because hell, I'm a little sick of being told to throw my hands up in the air. Awaiting the single where Lorde denounces the word "shawty". I'm so glad to finally have a great song to review in 2014. Here's to a year of greatness, courtesy of Lorde and other talented artists to come.
In 2003, Beyoncé released her debut single "Crazy in Love". That single became so popular that it solidified Beyoncé as a solo artist with staying power, and broke her free of the frontwoman for Destiny's Child. But she still kept ties with the band through 2004, as they scored two more top ten hits with "Lose My Breath" and "Soldier". I'll be focusing on the former today. ... I don't like Beyoncé.
Yeah, I said it! I think she's massively overrated and worse, massively full of herself. And those two components are a dangerous combination. People always poke fun at Kanye West for being full of himself, and don't get me wrong, it's well-deserved. But nobody ever seems to target Beyoncé for the same thing. Why, just look at these lyrics from "Irreplaceable": You must not know 'bout me You must not know 'bout me I can have another you in a minute Matter fact, he'll be here in a minute
Wow, Beyoncé! Thank you for taking this breakup extremely well, just because you're Beyoncé! And with my opinion of Beyoncé as a whole in mind, we venture into "Lose My Breath". This song is stupid. It starts off okay, I guess, with a powerful, sexually driven chorus. But then we get into the verses, and I just start tuning out. Oooooooh I put it right there, made it easy for you to get toooooooo Now you wanna act like ya don't know what to doooooooo After I done everything that you asked me Grabbed you, grind you, liked you, tried you Moved so fast baby now I can't find you Incompetent male! You are no match for the towering she-wolf that is Beyoncé! No, seriously. Look at the next part of the verse. Oooooooh I'm startin' to believe that I'm way too much for yoooooou All that talk but it seems like it can't come throoooooough All them lies like you could satisfy me, Now I see where believing you got me Gave you the wheel, but you can't drive me Yep. And the subtext makes its way into the text. And uh, this song just got a whole less sexy and a lot more disappointing. Another thing about Beyoncé is she seems to make it a point to trash any man she can get in any of her songs. And let's not beat around the bush here, okay? Destiny's Child songs are Beyoncé songs, much like Black Eyed Peas songs are will.i.am/Fergie duets. Basically, this song is the angriest one night stand ever. But hey, that's just one verse. Surely the other two girls of Destiny's Child can deliver. Here's Kelly: Oooooooh Two things I don't like when I tryin' to get my groooooove Is a partna that meets me only half way and just can't proooooove Take me out so deep when you know you can't swim Wait, that was only one thing. You just went into a different part of the verse without the second thing... oh, just forget it. Need a lifeguard and I need protection You... need protection? Like, as in condoms? Did this guy knock you up? Highly unlikely, since spilling this narrative would cause any mood to go down. To put it on me deep in the right direction The right direction? What, is he going butt first? Didn't mama teach you to give affection? ... Didn't mama teach you to give affection? Oedipus called, and even he's grossed out. Michelle? Slay me. Please. If you can't make me say ooh Like the beat of this drum Drums don't go "ooh". I don't know what instrument you have a drum confused with. They give her five lines, and two of them are the same as two others. Bravo, Michelle. Star power, right there. Fuck this song. It's not sexy, it's not enjoyable, it's not anything except a hot mess. Only one thing left to say: Baby you are dismissed, dismissed, dismissed, dismissed, dismissed, dismissed, dismissed Gladly, I'm out.
In 2012, Ellie Goulding broke into the mainstream American pop chart with a song called "Lights".
I loved this song. I loved everything about this song. It was interesting, it was well put together, and Ellie Goulding's voice was heavenly.
Then she started to lose me. I found "Anything Could Happen" annoying and "I Need Your Love" boring. It broke my heart, honestly. Was I wrong in seeing something in this girl? Then her third single "Burn" came out.
And that is currently Goulding's most popular song, sitting pretty in the Top 20. So, what's the verdict? Is Ellie Goulding finally back?
We, we don't have to worry 'bout nothing
'Cause we got the fire, and we're burning one hell of a something
Well, I hate to say that the lyrics leave a lot to be desired. I mean, here's the thesis. There's a fire, and it's burning, and we're gonna let it burn. That's almost the entire chorus.
'Cause we got the fire, fire, fire
Yeah we got the fire, fire, fire
And we gonna let it burn, burn, burn, burn
We gonna let it burn, burn, burn, burn
Gonna let it burn, burn, burn, burn
We gonna let it burn, burn, burn, burn
Ugh, boring. But the song's not all bad. I do think that Ellie Goulding's vocals do it justice, as does the production. I just wish there was more interesting subject matter. Fire is such an overused metaphor, and this song doesn't even expand on it that much. Fire is energy. Don't stop the energy, even if others don't understand. Yay?
It's just kind of flimsy, that's all. While it's Goulding's best song since "Lights", it's still not up to par with her first Hot 100 single.
Wanna know how you know a song is good? When artists from all different genres are clamoring to cover it.
Here's the original version of "Fever", recorded by Little Willie John in 1956. Since then, it's been covered by a slew of artists, including Madonna, Ray Charles, and Michael Bublé. Here, I've decided to go with one of the most successful versions to look at, the 1965 cover by The McCoys.
I can honestly understand why this one made it big. It seemed to capture the mood of the song the most successfully, even more so than the original, I think. It's got this bluesy, jazzy feel, sultry and sexy. Just the way I like my fevers. But are the lyrics any good? After all, if people decided to cover Justin Bieber's "Baby", that wouldn't make it any less terrible (though it would make me weep for humanity). Let's take a look: Never know how much I love you Never know how much I care When you put your arms around me I get a fever that's so hard to bear A fever's one of those metaphors that kind of makes sense, but not quite. If you were to take it a little more literally, wouldn't it mean "you make me sick"? Though that can still work, with "lovesick" being a thing. It's a well-used metaphor, I guess. There's only one part in the song where I think the lyrics falter a bit: Everybody's got the fever That is somethin' you all know Fever isn't such a new thing Fever started long time ago Well, the fever she gave you certainly seems less special now. This is still a great song, though. Simple, powerful, and fun to listen to. What more can you expect out of a pop song? Stop being so greedy.
One of my first posts on this website trashed new Katy Perry. One of my next posts trashed old Katy Perry. But the thing is, I don't hate Katy Perry. Those were just bad songs. I don't think she's anything special, but she's certainly not the worst pop artist out there. And when she delivers, she does pretty well. So to try and even the score, let's take a look at Katy Perry's newest hit, "Dark Horse".
I actually like Katy Perry's performance a lot. I think there's a lot of emotion here. It's also pretty sexy-sounding. Can you not say "sex" on the Internet? Or am I thinking of radio? But it's not perfect, either. Juicy J's rap verse leaves a lot, and I mean a lot to be desired: Shawty’s heart was on steroids Cause her love was so strong Take you a while to come up with that one, J? I also don't agree with some production elements of the song. The chorus ends each time with a male voice droning "there's no going back", which I think really throws it off. And the chorus at the end builds up to nothing. Maybe a repeat of it would have been nice. But it really is Katy Perry who shines here, and makes the song worthwhile. I actually think this is her best vocal performance. It's sultry, sexy, yet controlled. Sure is a contrast from the ball of nothingness that was "Roar". Even if I do have problems with the song, it takes risks, and I enjoy risky pop music. That risk factor alone makes it better than "Roar" or even "Unconditionally", a passable song. It might have been worth it for Katy Perry to come back after all.
Today, we dive into a musical breed that is few and far between: the female rapper.
Nope, nope, nope. Instead, let's take it back to early 2000, when Missy Elliott had one of her biggest hits with "Hot Boyz".
Now, I think it's great that females are represented in this genre, though considerably less than males. Rap music in general has been widely criticized for its misogynist lyrics. So when you bring a female into the mix, the formula gets turned on its head. I mean, the title of the song is "Hot Boyz". It's not that hard to figure out what this is about. A hot boy, a rock boy, on top boy And I like those Yeah. But the curious thing about the remix of this song, which is the one that gained popularity on Billboard, is that it also has male rappers. And I think that's great, because it provides a balance. I definitely think it would be better if more male rappers featured female ones. It would provide a good, two-side-of-the-story narrative in a lot of rap songs. Not to say that one-side narratives don't work, but I'd like to see more of the former. Anyway, this song is pretty good. Not excellent. I'm not really blown away by anything, but it's certainly better than a lot of rap these days. Word up.
Welcome to 2014, everybody! Let's kick off the year with excitement, enjoyment, enthusiasm! Let's kick it off with "Let Her Go" by Passenger!
Oh God, this is boring. I'm sorry: what's with the barrage of boring songs lately? Are these songs somehow resonating with people? Because all they're doing with me is putting me to sleep. Not that the song's a total loss. Some of the lyrics are nice, particularly in the chorus: But you only need the light when it's burning low Only miss the sun when it starts to snow Only know you love her when you let her go I don't really hate this song. It's boring, but it's not dreadfully boring like "Say Something". It's just kind of there. And besides, there is one thing that makes the song stand out: the lilting quality of this guy's voice. Okay, no, it doesn't even have that. This guy sounds like a cartoon character. How am I supposed to take any of this seriously when Whitey from Eight Crazy Nights is narrating it? That's a technical foul. (By the way, I did see this movie and it was pretty freakin' awful but also a massive guilty pleasure.) No, no. Now that I think about it, this song is getting worse by the second. This is like the male version of "Wrecking Ball", but somehow even less attached to any emotion. Oh... God. I don't even know what else to say. I wanted to start off 2014 with a bang, I really did. But if this is where we're headed with popular music... well, be prepared for a snoozefest.
I mean, let's be honest here: this wouldn't be any fun if I didn't. I would never get my hopes up. I'd just be a jaded, cynical bastard with a pointless blog. Well, it might be too late for that, but just to show I'm not always a cynic, here's my Top 10 Songs of 2013. 10. "I Will Wait" - Mumford & Sons
AND I WILL WAIT, I WILL WAIT FOR YOU
(mutha fuckin banjo solo)
Well, dust my trousers and pump my boots, it's time for a good old-fashioned hoedown. And who better to do it in this day than Mumford & Sons? This band personifies energy. It's so much fun to listen to them. I'd talk about them more, but I have to sing along.
RAIIIIISE MYYYYYY HAAAAANDS 9. "Locked Out of Heaven" - Bruno Mars
Speaking of personifying energy...
AW YEAH YEAH, AW YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH... UNH
Yeah, I'm sorry. I might be singing along to these songs more than reviewing them, but I'll try my best to keep my composure. But god damn, this song rocks. I definitely hear The Police's influence in here, but Bruno Mars takes the throbbing guitar of "Roxanne" and turns it on its head with a song about sheer desperation and passion for sex. That is awesome. Roxanne, put on the green light and go, go listen to this and pump yourself up for the rest of the day. 8. "Mirrors" - Justin Timberlake
No matter what I think of "Holy Grail", this was an excellent year for JT, based on three words: Twenty. Twenty. Experience. Welcome back, Justin Timberlake.
Two songs were released from this album that made the Year-End Chart. Focusing on this song, it's beautiful.
'Cause I don't wanna lose you now I'm lookin' right at the other half of me
This is just my opinion, but it does not get much sweeter than that. And it maintains this sweetness all the way through, without being too syrupy. "Mirrors" is a perfect example of why we needed Justin Timberlake back, but there's an even more perfect example to come... 7. "Applause" - Lady Gaga
Whilst Katy Perry tried to roar but came back with a whimper, Lady Gaga came back for the applause, and damn, did she deserve it with this song. What a burst of energy. The song never dies, and while that can be overbearing, Lady Gaga does it with such charm and sass that you can't help but applaud, Especially since she's commanding you to applaud. You'd better put those hands up and make them touch. 6. "Can't Hold Us" - Macklemore & Ryan Lewis ft. Ray Dalton
If "Thrift Shop" was Macklemore's goofy novelty song to grab the attention of the public, then "Can't Hold Us" was the song to solidify him as an artist with serious talent and staying power. This is a fantastic rap song, with an exciting flow, great lyrics, killer beat, and Ray Dalton's melodic, charming voice to handle the chorus. This is the type of rap song that every rapper should aspire to. Macklemore has so much talent and intelligence that it's not even fair. 5. "Suit & Tie" - Justin Timberlake ft. Jay-Z
Did I mention that I'm totally thrilled that Justin Timberlake came back this year? Why do I love this and have disdain for "Holy Grail"? Let me show you a few things:
Justin and Jay-Z are magic together when they're unbelievably cocky together, not whiny. Yeah, Justin and Jay-Z singing about how great their lives are because they're awesome? Now that's something that I believe. And they pull this off with the utmost of class. The dreamlike production, the horns, the vocals, the rap verse. It all flows together so flawlessly. Justin and Jay-Z are equally good on this for the same reason: they're awesome and they know it. And everyone else better know it too. 4. "My Songs Know What You Did in the Dark (Light Em Up)" - Fall Out Boy
Wow, you couldn't fit that title on the side of a truck. But who cares? Justin Timberlake's not the only one I was thrilled to see coming back. And Fall Out Boy came back swinging. This is my favourite Fall Out Boy song. It's got so much energy and power, and it just gets up in your face and demands you to listen. That's something that wasn't there with any other Fall Out Boy song, and I respect it. The constant barrage of fire throughout the song just gets me going. Oh hell, I can't help myself.
I'M ON FYAAAAAAHHHHH 3. "Get Lucky" - Daft Punk ft. Pharrell Williams
Now this is the disco throwback featuring Pharrell that should have been the song of the summer. Unfortunately, like many songs that summer, it was chartblocked by Barfed Lines and only made it to the #2 spot. So I'm calling it the #3 song of 2013 to restore justice. I mean, do I even need to say anything? This is so catchy that I could be up all night just to listen to this song. It's not like it's a deep song. It's a song about sex and partying. But goddamn, is this a classy-sounding party, even if the repeated lyric is "we're up all night to get lucky". Hell, you guys go ahead and get laid. You deserve it.
2. "Heart Attack" - Demi Lovato
Around June of last year, I went through a Demi Lovato phase. But as this list shows, it wasn't for nothing. I. Love. This. Girl. Not only is she an inspiration to girls around the world with her heartbreaking story, but she makes the best music from an ex-Disney star I have ever heard in my life. They struck gold when they discovered her. And nowhere is it more prevalent than in "Heart Attack". Demi is giving it all she's got, and it shows big time. Fuck, this song is so good. I'm just happy I got to listen to it again to compare and contrast with 99 other songs. But even Demi can't beat out the #1 song of 2013, which is... 1. "Same Love" - Macklemore & Ryan Lewis ft. Mary Lambert
God bless Macklemore. Of all the popular artists of 2013, he was the one that took the most risks. But more importantly, he took the most risks that paid off. I honestly could not bear to have another song top my list of 2013. There's no way that any song was riskier, more poignant, more meaningful, and more likely to bring about change than this one. Mary Lambert's vocals in the chorus are the icing on the already delicious cake.
Some people don't like this song because it has cheesy lyrics.
America the brave still fears what we don't know And God loves all his children, is somehow forgotten But we paraphrase a book written thirty-five-hundred years ago I don't know
If you preach hate at the service those words aren't anointed That holy water that you soak in has been poisoned
When kids are walking 'round the hallway plagued by pain in their heart A world so hateful some would rather die than be who they are
Yeah. So cheesy. So distant from emotion.
I will defend this song until the day I die. It has so rightfully claimed the best song of 2013, and maybe of the decade so far. Thanks for reading! I'll be back next week as we crack into the hits of this year.
Hello there. On this blog, I've reviewed many a bad song. But given that I started in October, there are many bad songs I didn't get the chance to review. So bad, in fact, that they are the worst of the year! For this list, I consulted the Year-End Chart to find the 100 most popular songs of 2013. And of those 100, I picked 10. 10 songs that I hope to never, ever hear again, because of how bad they are. This is a true countdown, because it's just gonna keep getting worse. But in the interest of finding out what really stunk this year, here are the bottom 10 songs of 2013! 10. "Wake Me Up!" - Avicii
I've already covered this song, but here's a short recap: There's been a lot of EDM this year. Some good, some bad. But none as incompetent, confusing, and effortless as this. It's like they weren't even trying with the lyrics. Of the few I can make sense of, they don't sound as inspirational as the music would have you believe:
They tell me I'm too young to understand They say I'm caught up in a dream Well life will pass me by if I don't open up my eyes Well that's fine by me
"I have a dream." - Martin Luther King Jr. "Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country." - JFK "Life will pass me by if I don't open up my eyes, but that's fine by me." - Avicii
Even the part of the song where the title comes from: "Wake me up when it's all over"? If you're going for a sad, despondent song, don't pump it up with folksy guitar and some kind of overblown techno riff. By the way, Avicii actually does very little work on this song. He doesn't sing (Aloe Blacc) or play the guitar (Incubus' Mike Einziger). Of course, I wouldn't want to be credited on this song either, but holy shit man. Way to take all the credit for playing the same 4-second loop over and over at different frequencies. 9. "Cups (Pitch Perfect's When I'm Gone)" - Anna Kendrick
This girl was not ready for a singing career. Everything about this song is very safe, even the cup percussion, which is at least an interesting idea, but doesn't execute well at all. If there was ever a song not to promote a movie, this barrage of bland is it. Hell, why doesn't Rebel Wilson release a hit song? That might actually be interesting. I never want to watch "2 Girls, 1 Cup", but it can't be much worse than "1 Girl, Too Many Fucking Cups and Not Enough Interest". 8. "Come & Get It" - Selena Gomez
Selena, let's just get right to the point here: what the fuck are you doing?
When you're ready come and get it Na na na na
I'm not certain, but I'm pretty sure this song is supposed to be "sexy". So why does the chorus sound like a mother cooking for her eight children? All that's missing is the dinner bell.
You ain't gotta worry, it's an open invitation I'll be sittin' right here, real patient All day, all night, I'll be waitin' standby Can't stop because I love it, hate the way I love you All day, all night, maybe I'm addicted for life, no lie.
I couldn't even single anything out from this shit verse because it just sucks that badly. You're just gonna be... sitting there? That's what you want us to imagine? Sitting and waiting? Jack Johnson at least threw "wishing" in there.
And baby once I get it, I'm yours no take backs.
"No take backs"? What, is this a game on the schoolyard now? Punch buggy DIE.
One more awful thing this song does is show just how limited Selena Gomez's vocal range is. Listening to her sing the bridge is less painful and more just straight pathetic. I sometimes criticize artists for playing it safe with their vocals, but honey, play it safe. Go & stay away from "Come & Get It". 7. "Started From the Bottom" - Drake
You know, one thing Drake fails to do again and again and again is SHOW SOME GODDAMN EMOTION. For God's sake, this song is to you what "Juicy" was to Biggie Smalls and you sound like your aunt just died or something!
Not that it really deserves the clout Biggie gives "Juicy", because these lyrics are absolute garbage. You see, this is a song about how Drake came up from the lowest of the low. The worst of the worst. And he rose to the top, and became the best-selling artist he is today. And how does he show it in his chorus?
Started from the bottom now we're here Started from the bottom now my whole team fucking here Started from the bottom now we're here Started from the bottom now the whole team here, nigga Started from the bottom now we're here Started from the bottom now my whole team here, nigga Started from the bottom now we're here Started from the bottom now the whole team fucking here
You suck. You really, really suck.
Okay, well, that's just the chorus. Maybe, as in "Juicy", he details some of the problems at "the bottom".
Working all night, traffic on the way home
OH MY GOD, NOT TRAFFIC ON THE WAY HOME! ANYTHING BUT THAT!
Seriously, the worst that it gets is he argues with his mom and he borrows his uncle's car. And then the second verse is just:
Boys tell stories about the man Say I never struggled, wasn't hungry, yeah, I doubt it, nigga I could turn your boy into the man There ain't really much I hear that's poppin' off without us, nigga We just want the credit where it's due I'm a worry about me, give a fuck about you Nigga, just as a reminder to myself I wear every single chain, even when I'm in the house
Well, given your rebuttal of "I HAD TRAFFIC ON THE WAY HOME", I can imagine why people might not think you didn't have it too rough. That, and your starring role on FUCKING DEGRASSI.
We don't like to do too much explaining
Ay, there's the rub.
I'm spending way too much time on this moron. Even the music is boring. It sounds like something you'd use to put your baby to sleep. What the hell is #6? 6. "I Knew You Were Trouble" - Taylor Swift
Oh right, there was this, the quintessential Taylor Swift song. And that's about as far from a compliment as I can get. The problem with this song is that the lyrics are depressing, but for some reason this sounds like a happy song, with the bouncy guitar. I can't understand why, but it's just another problem to add to what I think is the worst Taylor Swift song of all time. 5. "Scream & Shout" - will.i.am ft. Britney Spears
I don't think I need to tell you why will.he.stop.making.music featuring legendary has-been Britney Spears sucks. But I will anyway. Actually, the lyrics themselves do a perfect job:
I wanna scream and shout, and let it all out And scream, and shout, and let it out
Yep. That's exactly what I want to do whenever I hear this toxic waste pit for the ears.
Everybody let's lose control
Control of competence, songwriting, and music completely lost, yes.
Let's let it blow, blow, blow
And blow it does.
It goes on and on and on and on
Unfortunately.
Look, there's nothing about this that even has an ounce of good. In fact, every time I listen to it, I can find a new thing wrong with it. Boring beat, terrible chorus, awful vocals, lack of effort,
4. "We Can't Stop" - Miley Cyrus
Much like will.i.am's song goes on, and on, and on and on, Miley Cyrus can't stop. Oh, why do the bad ones never go away?
In my first review on this blog, I praised "Wrecking Ball". But now I think the song is terrible, and the only reason I can think of for liking it in he first place is that at least it wasn't this. Some may find "Wrecking Ball" worse than this, and I can respect those people. But the reason this song scores so low for me is that on those long nights in 2013 when insomnia struck me, what song would play over and over again in my head?
THIS. FUCKING. ONE.
I could not escape it. I could not break free of the world's most depressing party song violating my ears. I pounded the pillow. Make it stop, make it stop, for the love of Virgin Mary, MAKE. IT. STOP.
So "Wrecking Ball" came around and wasn't nearly as infectious, and I embraced "Wrecking Ball". Upon retrospect, not that it had any merits of its own, but that it was not "We Can't Stop". I can respect things that aren't "We Can't Stop".
Seriously, this is the modern-day suicide song. Could you stop, Miley? Please?
3. "Blurred Lines" - Robin Thicke ft. T.I. and Pharrell
So much controversy over a stupid, stupid song. I don't think I would have put this so low, below both Miley Cyrus songs for God's sake, if I didn't have to keep hearing about how "Blurred Lines" is the summer anthem, or "Blurred Lines" rapes women in dark alleyways, or "Blurred Lines" is actually a feminist anthem underneath it all, or Robin Thicke sounds like a porn star's name (the only indisputable point, I think).
Look, I can see both viewpoints, and I'm not about to ignore the giant elephant in the room that some of the lyrics are questionable:
I hate these blurred lines I know you want it (Voice of Satan): I know you want it I know you want it
You see, the "blurred line" here is the line between consensual and non-consensual sex, according to some people. Yeah, pretty questionable stuff. But I think there's actually a lyric here that skeeves me out more:
Do it like it hurt, like it hurt What you don't like work?
Yeah, this is not a good time for both parties.
But that's just my personal standpoint, and that's enough for me to maybe rank it around 75-ish. But the sheer fact that "Blurred Lines" would not go away, that we have a bunch of feminist parodies that, to be honest, suck in their own right, that it's being called the number one song of the summer just infuriates me. I can't stand anything about this song now. I wish people would shut up about it. I wish Clarence the Guardian Angel would come so that "Blurred Lines" had never been born at all, and the world would be a much better place. Fuck this song, fuck everything that it started, and fuck Pharrell for going "Woo!" and saving it from rock bottom. 2. "U.O.E.N.O." - Rocko ft. Future and Rick Ross
See, here's the thing about "Blurred Lines"' questionable lyrics: They're questionable. There's a case for them that can be made to support the "feminist anthem" theory.
That is not the case with this song.
Put Molly all in her champagne, she ain’t even know it I took her home and I enjoyed that, she ain't even know it
Nope, nope, nope. There is no possible other way those lyrics can be interpreted, that is rape right there. Plain and simple. And if Rick Ross is honestly going to tell me otherwise, then he's a bigger moron than I anticipated.
This song is so fucking unpleasant and stupid all the way through. What is this "U.O.E.N.O." garbage anyway? What's the point? Why not just say "you don't even know"? Are you trying to impress us by knowing how to pronounce letters? Also, it has Future, the antimatter to music. How is this guy popular? He sounds like a constipated wolverine every time he belches out a new syllable. Everything about this song is completely awful, and it definitely deserves to be the #1 worst song of 2013. But then again, we also had... well, just scroll down and see. 1. "Harlem Shake" - Baauer
Fuck this Antichrist, overhyped, shit-spewing, dog-fucking, inbred, foul-smelling, garbage-eating, ear-pummeling, Satanic, circlejerking, brain-shattering, rage-inducing, spine-bending, genocide-convincing, craptastic excuse for an excuse for an excuse for a song. And the stupid fad, too. This was the fourth most popular song of 2013. I hope you're all pleased with yourselves, that this dung-flinging, mood-killing, brainless, Obama-defacing, Jesus-weep-inducing, Rob-Ford-supporting, trash-farting *gets taken away by mental health professionals to my happy place* Um yeah, I don't like this song much. Anyway, here's to a more musical new year.
