Romance by Camila Cabello - ALBUM REVIEW

When you're the least talented member of your unimpressive girl group and yet you're the first breakout star, it's an interesting legacy you lead as Camila Cabello. Upon the release of her second solo album Romance, Camila has enjoyed an impressive run of pop hits. I think one of them was even good!

Yeah, in case you're still figuring it out, I am not a Camila Cabello fan. Even less so after the fact that she's been exposed as racist towards her bandmates, particularly Normani. But that doesn't mean she doesn't deserve her day in court! In fact, she'll have to work extra hard to prove her worth as a pop star that can stay around with this album. And folks... I'm not hearing it.

Camila Cabello is simply an unimpressive artist. That's pretty much all you can say. She comes in with an album full of half-baked, malformed ideas that barely evolve into actual songs, let alone good ones. "My Oh My" is one of the most excruciating listens on the album. Camila Cabello still sounds like a little girl trying on mom's clothes playing dress-up, not any sort of adult, making DaBaby's unfortunate appearance all the more jarring. Even he can't make this non-starter of a track any fun.

There are a few bright spots. I think "Shameless", as ear-rending as it can be, at least has a drive to be an actual pop song. "This Love" is the only ballad that halfway works. But oh God, most of this album is just a chore to get through. It sounds like Camila isn't even finished teething, the way she yelps her way through most of these songs. She either sounds completely uninterested or completely unlistenable. There's rarely a middle ground.

And I guess we gotta talk about "Senorita", the big breakthrough hit on this album. I feel that pretty much everything that can be said about it has already been said, every joke has been made, and every share of that sloppy Shawn Mendes/Camila Cabello kiss has been shared. But I just want to reiterate that this song is crushingly dull, with no momentum and barely any flavour to give it reason for existing. Blech.

I set my expectations low, and very rarely were they exceeded. Camila Cabello may have a career ahead of her yet; pop music does tend to make mediocrity rise to the top. But I do hope she actually gets a personality and grows up a bit. It would make her music a lot more bearable.

5/10

Best Tracks: "Shameless", "Should've Said It", "This Love"

Fine Line by Harry Styles - ALBUM REVIEW

Happy International Women's Day, everyone! I'm going to review an album made by a man. Maybe not the best timing, but it was next on my radar, and I haven't put out a review in a while, and it's still preferable to Camila Cabello, which is next. So let's get started.

Fine Line is an album which I would best describe as "soft". It's a soft, gentle listen for if you want something to play to make you feel warm and fuzzy. Harry Styles doesn't really make any bold statements or grandiose gestures in this album. But that's exactly how it functions: a fine listen for when you don't want something too challenging.

I feel like I'm being harsher to this album than I intend, so let me make clear that I do like this album. I'm just not sure I'd consider it among my very favourites, and given the hype I've heard for this album, I was somehow expecting more. As is, it's serviceable, even great in parts. But I do wish that Harry Styles would spread his wings creatively, because if this is a throwback of any kind, it's to tame, safe Michael McDonald-like pop from the 80s. Which, I don't mind Michael McDonald, so that's not a pejorative. I was just expecting more, but I was still very happy with what I got. Harry Styles clearly has talent, and I'm sure he has the potential to come out with an album that will really knock me off my seat. Just saying, not sure anything here is better than "Sign of the Times", so he has the potential. He just has to harness it. But this is good for now.

7/10

Best Tracks: "Golden", "Adore You", "Cherry", "Falling", "To Be So Lonely", "She"

Top Ten Tuesday - Billboard Hot 100 Review: March 7, 2020

A fair bit of action on the Hot 100 this week, most notably album bombs from BTS (!) and NBA YoungBoy. Not much of it affected the Top 10, except for BTS' monstrous debut with "ON" reaching number 4, their highest debut and charting hit on the Hot 100 to date! However, much of the Top 10 remained the same, especially the Top 3 which has been stagnant for three weeks now. I like "The Box", but it's no "Old Town Road". Might be time for some fresh blood.

Speaking of which, the activity in the Top 10 seems to be concentrated toward the bottom half, where "Blinding Lights" continues to surge up to #8. I'm really hoping for this song to make the surge to #1, but I'll settle for a Top 5 hit. In any case, it's making a serious run for that year-end list. This knocks mainstays on the Top 10 "Memories" and "Someone You Loved" down to 9 and 10 respectively, hopefully falling out of the Top 10 next week, two songs that have stuck around for FAR too long.

Only other note of interest is "Dance Monkey"'s collapse to #7, which I found surprising. I honestly thought the song had more momentum going for it, but it appears to be floundering a lot sooner than expected, which is a bit of a shame as it grew on me.

Predictions:

"Blinding Lights" will continue its surge, especially after "ON" falls out. I'm looking at a Top 5 hit next week. Looking further down the charts, Doja Cat's "Say So" has been gaining insane momentum off of streaming. It could very well break the Top 10 soon if it keeps that up. I expect, and hope, "Memories" and "Someone You Loved" to fall out of the Top 10 next week.

So... where have I been this time?

Part procrastination, part insanely busy schedule.

We're gonna try a more relaxed schedule from here on out. Album/song reviews when I want to do them, plus a Top 10 Tuesday. Let's see if that actually works.

"I Don't Belong in This Club" - Why Don't We & Macklemore - SINGLE REVIEW

For every 5 Seconds of Summer or One Direction, there are at least a dozen boy bands who don't quite make the cut. Why Don't We would definitely be one of those bands. The fact that they had to latch on to Macklemore, a rap artist who had thoroughly aged out of popularity by 2019, just accentuates it. But is the song any good?

Well, it's not bad. Musically, it has the boys trying on their 5 Seconds of Summer impressions to middling results and Macklemore's signature delivery mixed with some trap-influenced ad-libs. Lyrically, it's about how neither the boys in the band or Macklemore feel particularly comfortable in the club they've entered, with Why Don't We taking a more generally jaded approach while Macklemore tells a story of going from not being recognized to being recognized at the wrong time. Both approaches fit the artists rather well. There's nothing really spectacular about the song, but as far as these types of songs go, it gets the job done. It's fun and catchy, with a few good lines here and there. I don't know if these guys will ever blow up the way One Direction, 5SOS, or even Macklemore did, but they are still quite young, so maybe their time is yet to come. Until then, if they put forth solid efforts like this, I'll be interested.

7/10

Polymer by Plaid - ALBUM REVIEW (tiny schedule re-tooling!)

Hi everyone! I'm back. So a little update to my returning schedule: as I gathered up possible review targets for my blog, I realized that I wanted to review a lot more older music than I thought. So we're going to split the difference between new releases and throwbacks. Instead of single reviews, Wednesday will review releases from before 2000. Thursday will be for any releases from 2000-2018, and today and Monday will be for releases from 2020 or 2019. Got it? Let's go!

This one was actually a request, made to me by one of my Discord friends. If this request had not been made, I doubt I would have even heard, much less reviewed, this album. But I'm glad I did, because it gives me a chance to flex my creative muscles by stepping outside my comfort zone to something I don't typically familiarize myself with: IDM, or "Intelligent Dance Music". Well, I had better like this, or else that means I'm stupid, right?

Well, from what I can tell, not even the artists who make IDM appreciate the label. Consider it the antithesis to the "mumble rap" label, in that IDM makes the genre and its artists seem snobbish and exclusionary, whereas mumble rap is used by people who are snobbish and exclusionary. Not knowing much about IDM, I'd say off the basis of this album that this is more so introverted dance music than intelligent. Which, we can have a discussion about the possible stigma that label would carry, but Jesus, let's get to the fucking album already.

Like I said, IDM is a challenge for me to cover, but so is any dance music, really. I often leave this style feeling cold, like I'm missing something that everyone seems to be getting. And indeed, I started to feel that way going into this album. Everything was alright, I suppose, but I wouldn't go back to any of it. I started to wonder if I had the capacity to give this a fair review. Then I got to "The Pale Moth", and something clicked. It clicked with me in a way that felt illuminating, like maybe I could enjoy this album after all. And indeed, the back half of the album was a lot more successful in retaining my attention. There just seemed to be bolder choices with better payoff.

I'm not sure how much I can scrutinize every individual track, as much of it I can just attribute to the instrumental "working" for me or not, whatever that means. Talking about music is hard! I like doing it, but it's hard, particularly when I have no lyrical story to base my opinions off of. Not that lyrics make or break a song for me, but they help to add context, even if it's just Daft Punk going "around the world" over and over. But I'm happy I listened to this album. It was an experience I wouldn't have sought out on my own, but maybe this is a wake-up call for me to broaden my horizons.

7/10

Best Tracks: "The Pale Moth", "Nurula", "Dust", "Crown Shy", "Praze"

A little break

Hey guys; work and general mental health have been stressful for me lately so I'm gonna take a small break from the blog. I'll come back with a review next Friday. Until then, feel free to go through my back catalog of posts and see how wrong Past!Wumbo's opinions were. Adios!

Throwback Thursday: Late Nights (2015) by Jeremih - ALBUM REVIEW

So welcome to Throwback Thursday, where my Edwin McCain reviews don't feel so out of place! Today, we're going to throw back all the way to 2015, where Jeremih was still relevant. Yes, he had that one minor song with Wale late 2019. My point still stands.

I've always been leery of Jeremih's music. He comes off as a C-list R&B singer at best. Not as personality-driven as Jason Derulo or Chris Brown, though that may not be a bad thing. That doesn't make the majority of his music any less unlistenable, though. Just because he can't hang with the big boys doesn't mean he can't try to make music like them, right?! That's how we get such "gems" as the irredeemably stupid "Birthday Sex" and the dull "Down on Me".

But I was interested in looking at this album, because towards the end of Jeremih's relevance, I admit to finding more of a reason for him to stick around. Shame it happened too late and the American public's attention span is that of a gerbil, but I figured he should he should get his dues through a retrospective of this album.

I'll be honest, I wasn't sure what to expect going into this. I've always loved the soulful and sweet "oui", which remains his best single to this day. But that was one single, and I had my reservations going into this album that it would not be representative of the rest of the project. To my delight, for the most part, it was! But not in the way you'd think.

Jeremih's Late Nights sees him trying on different styles of R&B and branching out with his subject matter, actually sounding like he gives a damn what he's singing about. This album also features a ton of guest appearances, something not foreshadowed by the song "oui", but mostly welcome all the same. I could do without J. Cole's verse on "Planez", as I could do without J. Cole in general. Migos and Jeremih team up "Giv No Fuks" which is a baffling, overlong mess. And Future... well, is Future. But most of the guest appearances work. I like Jhené Aiko dueting with Jeremih on "Worthy", Twista's superfast flow is always welcome on any song, even a slow sex jam, and Big Sean's personality does a lot to save "Royalty" from being a total waste.

But this album doesn't ride or die on its guest stars. Jeremih also gets a few solid cuts in on his own, with the aforementioned "oui" being fantastic, and "Paradise" being a great, subdued closer to this album. Overall, it was a pleasant experience, something I wouldn't have expected from Jeremih at the start of last decade. But here we are, looking back, and I guess Jeremih was okay. Still waiting for his return to real relevance, though.

7/10

Best Tracks: "oui", "Remember Me", "Woosah" (ft. Juicy J & Twista), "Worthy" (ft. Jhené Aiko), "Paradise"

"Boyfriend" - Ariana Grande and Social House - SINGLE REVIEW (and schedule update!)

Trying something a little different now. I think that in addition to album reviews, it's also important to review standalone singles when they come out, as they can be just as important to an artist's career. Also, in the interest of staying current and to be able to take breaks now and again, I will be reviewing current singles on Wednesdays and current albums on Fridays and Sundays, "current" meaning no older than a 2019 release. As for Thursdays, I'll do a throwback to a previous year whether that be an album or a single review. And my Top 10 Tuesdays will remain as they are, with Saturday and Monday reserved for a break, or a random blog post if I feel like it. With that said, Ariana Grande's "Boyfriend"! Don't you wish it could be you?

Well, that's not what this song's about. It's actually about Ariana and the two guys from Social House... or I guess just one of them, portrayed by both of them, having a weird relationship where they're possessive of each other without actually being in an official relationship. All that healthy stuff.

In my thank u, next review, I mused on how Ariana could follow up this album. Unfortunately, this seems like the worst way to do it, taking unfinished, half-baked production elements from thank u, next and using them in frankly a pretty unpleasantly themed song. I think that if you relate to this song, you may need to seek couples therapy. Or non-couples therapy, I guess.

Not helping things are the voids of charisma, Social House themselves. Social House strike me as the Great Value version of The Chainsmokers, just as tedious, but with far less name recognition. Which is a shame, because they contributed quite a few moments of good production to thank u, next and Sweetener alike. But their production instincts don't translate well into being frontmen at all, with one being a low-rent Khalid and the other being a low-rent... I don't know, Justin Bieber? He's so indistinct. And the production kind of suffers here too. It feels like a retread of "thank u, next" the song, only so much more slapdash and rushed, like thank u, next the album.

So is there anything good in this song? Well, Ariana's able to express a lot of personality and flair as she usually does. If there's a saving grace, it's her cool performance that helps to sell the song at all. But as far as post-thank u, next releases go, this is not the way it should have gone. Thank u, next.

5/10

Top Ten Tuesday - Billboard Hot 100 Review: February 15, 2020

Hey guys! Sorry about no post yesterday, I was caught up in a lot of shit. To make it up to you, I will be introducing this new weekly series which I call TOP TEN TUESDAY, where I take a look at the Top 10 of the Billboard Hot 100 and give random scattered thoughts, predictions, and hopes. Think of it as a beta version of Billboard BREAKDOWN, if you follow Mark Grondin's work.

Anyway! This week has been pretty un-noteworthy in the Top 10, with most of the songs staying stagnant in their positions. The only noteworthy thing I would mention is "Dance Monkey" by Tones and I surging up to #5. This song blew up overseas long before it crossed over into America, and it has taken a while to grow on me, but I can kind of see its appeal now? It's relentlessly catchy, at least. We'll see how it does in the coming weeks.

Predictions:

I think that "Dance Monkey" will continue to surge, probably comfortably at #3 next week. I also think "Don't Start Now" will make some ground with the monstrous streaming it has, I could see it at least hitting #6 if not breaking the Top 5. And if the world is truly just, "Blinding Lights" should surge into the Top 10 next week, with "10,000 Hours" being a likely candidate to lose out.