Tuesday, February 18, 2014

"Drunk in Love" - Beyoncé ft. Jay-Z

A new Beyoncé song. Yippee...


Whatever, I'm really over Beyoncé after more than a decade of listening to her. She tries to sell her mediocre lyrics with an over-the-top personality, but it just does not work for me. And nowhere is her overcompensating more noticeable than here, in "Drunk in Love", or should I say "Druhuuuuunk in Lohohohohohohove".

At least being drunk in love is a better topic for a song than, well, almost any of her other songs, but there's one major problem I have with it:


We already have a "Crazy in Love". We don't need a "Drunk in Love", especially when "Crazy in Love" is far and away Beyoncé's best song! Seriously, both of them even have Jay-Z as a guest rapper. We get it, guys. You're in love with each other and your situation and life is perfect blah blah blah. No, no, don't start complaining again, Jay. It's okay.

Okay. Well, if I liked "Crazy in Love", then logic says I should like its carbon copy too, right? Well, here's the thing: they're not carbon copies. "Crazy in Love" was upbeat, fun, catchy, sexy. "Drunk in Love", meanwhile, just kind of slogs along, kind of like a drunk person. It's less sexy and more so "they're having sex on an off night". But God damn if Beyoncé doesn't try to liven things up with her powerful singing voice. Unfortunately, there's no saving these lyrics:

Boy, I'm drinking,

Park it in my lot 7-11

Haha, parking lot! 7-11! Is Beyoncé going to take a "Big Gulp"? I think I pushed it too far. Anyway, "parking lot" means her ass. She's comparing her booty to a disgusting, unpleasant 7-11 parking lot. Well, it's her song, I guess...

We woke up in the kitchen saying,

"How the hell did this shit happen?"

Man, this song is not only unsexy, it's downright unromantic! Beyoncé's really taking the "drunk" thing to the next level. Seriously, this just should have been called "Drunk". It would explain the 7-11 reference... somewhat.

The only part of Beyoncé's that I like is the "surfboard" metaphor, which I actually think is pretty well done.

Graining on that wood, graining, graining on that wood
I'm swerving on that, swerving, swerving on that big body

Been serving all this, swerve, surfing all in this good, good

If only it were in a better song, that's all. Say, how about that "big body"? How's his rap verse?

Hold up
That D'USSÉ is the shit if I do say so myself
If I do say so myself, if I do say so myself

Hold up,

Ladies and gentlemen: Jay-Z has stopped caring.

He's one of the richest rappers of all time, so he can just say whatever crap he wants and he knows it won't affect his paycheck. I thought he was kind of lazy in "Holy Grail", but this is just inexcusable:

Baby no I don't play, now eat the cake, Anna Mae

Said, "Eat the cake, Anna Mae!"

We sex again in the morning, your breasteses is my breakfast

Step down, Jay-Z. Step down, and let the rappers who still care take your place. (Seriously, what the hell is that last line? "Breasteses"?)

No, I don't like this song. It's just not very pleasant to listen to. Jay-Z's stopped trying, Beyoncé tries too much in one specific area, and it just doesn't work. Enjoy your love life, guys. Just stop making songs about it if they're going to be like this.

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