Watch-for-it Wednesday: "Studio" - SchoolBoy Q ft. BJ The Chicago Kid

Hey, it's SchoolBoy Q again! Only this time, he's the main artist on the track. (Note: Video is marked explicit for a reason, that is, NSFW.)

The real question is: Is this track any good? Also, is it good enough to finally launch him into the Top 50? Well, let's take a listen.

...By which I mean, we'll take a listen after the opening dialogue is done. *sigh* Okay, he's at the studio... his girl wants him back home... riveting. Just riveting. Get to the song! (Also, gosh, her cell phone battery sure is low. Charge it, girl!)

So we open the song with a pretty interesting beat. It opens with the hook, which essentially retells the beginning of the video in song form.

BJ The Chicago Kid: I'm just sitting in the studio just trying to get to you, baby

So what's keeping you, man?

But this song so fucking dope, girl, it's hard for me not to blaze it

Ah. Narcissism. Don't worry, I totally get it now.

The beginning of this song's a little weird, actually. SchoolBoy keeps on saying how much he wants to be home, but that line above works to nullify that point. He doesn't want to be home. He wants to finish his song. He doesn't say it like "Oh, I have to finish this song", he says it like "Girl, I gotta finish this song, because it's awesome and I'm awesome." And I know it's by a different artist, but I count them as being part of the same narrative and having the same mindset.

Later on, SchoolBoy goes a bit more general with his lyrics:

You need a real nigga shorty so come in
Throw that pussy shorty, see I think you and me can make it
This little verse to get you naked

Yep. "I'm gonna rap a verse, and then you're gonna take your clothes off because of it, because I'm awesome like that!' God, this really is a narcissist's wet dream. Hey, SchoolBoy. Maybe your verse would work on getting her naked if it was... romantic in any way?

See your heart ain't meant for breaking
Cupid's never been mistaken

Oh. Okay.

See, I been caught up in the moment
Shit, my type ain't quite her type

Well, this is a pleasant surprise. SchoolBoy actually admits his faults in these lyrics. Maybe I was wrong to dismiss him so soon.

I see qualities in a bad girl, I know that ass you got
Come with attitude and your swag, girl, you ain't wrong, girl
Just when that door knock lose your thong, girl
Cause you girl, cause you girl, girl, cause you girl, girl

...

...

Those last few lines were pretty stupid.

I don't know. I feel like the guy tries to be meaningful at some parts, and then he just loses me. What's up with his flow, too? He's like the Christopher Walken of rapping. No, that's a bad comparison. Christopher Walken comes off as likable, at least. This guy? Not so much. Lil Wayne Lite, maybe.

Hot 100 Success:

Will he have it?

I've been hearing the name "SchoolBoy Q" long before reviewing a song by him, so I'm surprised he hasn't already. Even though I have problems with this song, like, a lot, I think he's still on his way to Hot 100 success due to the recognition he already has.

Should he have it?

I want to stick up for the guy. But on the other hand, no I don't. Go back to school, Boy Q.

CanTunes Tuesday: "Life of the Party" - Shawn Mendes

You know, when I see a song with "party" in its title, I sort of expect it to be lively, fun, full of adventure and excitement. What I don't expect is for it to be... this.

This is Shawn Mendes, a rising... well, for lack of a better term, let's call him a "star", starting out singing songs on Vine and somehow getting a hit single off of that. It's a whole new world, people. Anybody can be a star, even 15-year-old schlubs.

Okay, yeah, he is only 15. So I have to give the guy a little credit, because the last Canadian 15-year-old I remember hearing on the radio is Justin Bieber, and to this guy's credit, he is no Justin Bieber. But I think he still needs a bit of time for perfection, because... he's pretty mumbly.

We dun hefta be oawhinawee
Make your bess missake

is what I hear coming from his mouth. But to his credit, even though the lyrics don't invoke any sense of partying, they're still pretty good. Again, using Justin Bieber for comparison, they're pretty good. There's still a couple missteps here and there...

Hearts are gonna break

Hearts are gonna break? Whose hearts are gonna break by someone being the life of the party? The previous life of the party, maybe, for being dethroned? Help me out, Shawnie.

Even though I seem a little harsh on this song, I still am kinda grateful for it. Once again, this is mostly due to the fact that it's not Justin Bieber. I have the capacity to respect things that are not Justin Bieber. And I've linked to Justin Bieber way too many times in this review. So overall, decent song for a 15-year-old, and let's hope he gets better with age. Let's hope. Crossin' my fingers here.

Monday Musings: Dance Music Then vs. Dance Music Now

Hello, everyone! Today we're looking at the evolution of dance music. Where has it been, where is it now, and where is it going?

First off, what exactly is dance music? Well, that's a good question. You might think that dance music is mostly subsets of other genres that make you especially wanna dance. And you'd be somewhat right, son! Or daughter, I don't really know who's reading this.

To look at this history of dance music, let's first go back to the early 20th century, where ballroom dancing was all the rage.

During said time, dance music mostly consisted of the waltz and other music specifically fitted to certain dances. It's around when jazz became popular that popular dances began to move away from carefully choreographed partners and more independent moving. Those crazy bastards are the reason we're not still waltzing at prom.

So as we continued to dance in this way, we continued to spawn new music crazes, such as jazz and swing. And we danced, danced, danced through the rock n' roll of the 50's, the funky soul of the 60's, and of course, 70's disco.

Yeah, people did say that, but before the backlash, disco was responsible for bringing back dance music in a big way. Dance clubs were renamed "discos" during the time; that's how big it was. After disco was phased out in the early 1980s, a post-disco era came about that introduced electronic music as the new norm for dance music. Throughout the 80's up until now, that has been the predominant source of dance music. There are still the odd genres that make their way into the mix, like reggaeton and new jack swing in the 90's, but all types of electronic music has been the norm.

So now that we know where dance music has been and where it is now, where is it going? Straight to the crapper, maybe? No, I jest. But what are the trends in this decade, as far as dance music is concerned? Well, judging by the trends on the dance charts, it looks like EDM isn't going anywhere soon. But If TURN DOWN FOR WHAT is any indication, we may be seeing a surge of trap music coming our way. Keep those ears open, and keep on dancin'.

"Classic" - MKTO

Well, it looks like pop music's starting to get tired of pop music again. While that's not hard with acts like Jason Derulo still making it big, it is a little soon after just last year Lorde lectured us on gold teeth, Grey Goose, and whatnot. But let's take a look at this new entry, appropriately titled "Classic".

Hey! Where's the drums?

Yeah, and where's Eminem's snare?

Ooh girl you’re shining
Like a 5th avenue diamond

So the song begins in a pretty standard way, a pickup line directed at a girl. But then it takes a little bit of a twist.

And they don’t make you like they used to
You’re never going out of style

It's not only a love song, it's a song decrying the morals and attitudes of today, wanting to go back to the years of Michael Jackson

I wanna thrill you like Michael

and Prince

I wanna kiss you like Prince

and Marvin Gaye.

Let’s get it on like Marvin Gaye
Like Hathaway

And... Anne Hathaway, I guess? Do they mean Shakespeare's wife, or the shockingly modern Anne Hathaway? Because that seems to contradict the idea of this song.

That's what kind of bothers me about this song: it's a pretty simple concept, and yet they can't stick to it. Here's another "classic" artist they name-drop.

Yeah... because remember the days of Marilyn Monroe, Frank Sinatra, and Beyoncé?

That's what's keeping me away from this song, despite its catchiness. It seems like the lyrics were done really sloppily, without much thought put into them. I mean, no matter which way you put it, Beyoncé isn't classic. Classy? Sure, I'll give you that one. But not classic.

You're over my head I’m out of my mind

Yeah, this song is kind of out of its mind, or at least out of its depth. I don't hate the song. I mean, musically, it's pretty good. But I can't get past the lyrics, which I don't think were well thought out. Thinking about your lyrics. Now that's classic.

Weekend Wrap-up (Jul. 6-12 2014): Floyd, Emmys, and Dance Charts

This week on Weekend Wrap-up, here's what we've got:

Pink Floyd is set to release a new record this fall. It's called The Endless River, and it hits shelves in October. The album will contain Richard Wright tracks. Wright died in 2008 of cancer at 65.

Usher has scored his 13th number 1 hit on the R&B charts, tying Drake for the most leading songs in the chart's history, with "Good Kisser". Following them are Lil Wayne, with nine chart-toppers, and Jay-Z, R. Kelly, and Alicia Keys with eight each.

"The Beatles: The Night That Changed America" is nominated for six Emmys, including Outstanding Variety Special. The special aired early this February to commemorate the 50th anniversary of The Beatles.

HBO has picked up Beyoncé and Jay-Z's "On the Run" concert special. Filming will be done mid-September at Paris' Stade de France, where Beyoncé and Jay-Z will be performing more than 40 songs from their catalogue.

Finally, Ariana Grande has landed her first chart entry on the Hot Dance/Electronic Songs chart, with "Break Free" at number 4. This also marks Zedd's fifth Top 10 hit on the chart.

Flashback Friday: "Moonlight Feels Right" - Starbuck (1976)

1976 was full of great classic rock tunes from bands like Queen, Eagles, ELO, Steve Miller Band, David Bowie. In the midst of all that was a band known as Starbuck.

No, not Starbucks. Starbuck.

This is "Moonlight Feels Right", by far their biggest hit, peaking at #3 on the Hot 100 and reaching #34 on the Year-End Chart of 1976. So, how does it fare in the midst of tunes like "Dream On", "Rhiannon", "Evil Woman", and "Bohemian Rhapsody"?

Well, this song has some interesting things going on here that make it stand out in this great year. It's got this marimba solo in the middle of it that's pretty fun. It's got this synth-driven melody throughout that really pumps the song out of its shell. The singer's got a mullet and sideburns, because fuck it, it was the 70's, man.

While this definitely isn't the best song to come out of 1976, it's still a great one, and I think it makes Starbuck an interesting band. So why couldn't they duplicate their success?

As far as I can tell, it's because people got tired of the marimba, because this band was great. Jazzy, fun, and they have this certain aura of not really caring what the listener thinks. Not in a bad way, like "oh, you're beneath me, so I don't care what you think", but in a way like they were doing their own thing, and if people liked it, then great. I can respect that in a band, especially a band of this caliber. Check 'em out for a good blast from the 70's. You won't be disappointed.

Top 10 Thursday: Top 10 Female Chart-Toppers

This article is for the ladies... of Billboard Hot 100 number 1 hits. Which fierce females left the biggest impact on music with their #1 hits? Let's take a look.

10. Carly Rae Jepsen

"Call Me Maybe" was perhaps one of the most polarizing songs of 2012. You either loved it or you hated it, or you loved to hate it, or you hated that you loved it. Me? I waver back and forth between the two emotions all the time. I guess I have to be in the right mood to appreciate this song, the kind of mood where you say "Fuck it, let's listen to one of the stupidest songs of all time and not care about lyrical quality." Whatever your opinion on the song, Carly Rae had one of the biggest summer jams of 2012, and one of the best-selling singles of all time. Call it luck, maybe.

9. Katy Perry

Katy Perry's like that pesky little fly that keeps buzzing around your head and won't go away. She's had an absolutely insane number of Hot 100 hits in the short span of her success, from "I Kissed a Girl" all the way up to "Dark Horse". While the jury's still out on how many of those hits she actually deserves, I have a feeling that Katy Perry won't be going away anytime soon, so we'd all better learn to sit down, shut up, and enjoy it. Unless our commentary on Katy Perry's success is witty and insightful. Then by all means, speak out.

8. Lorde

A good pick if you're looking for one of the strangest hits of 2013, Lorde's "Royals" came in at a time when it looked like even pop music listeners were getting sick of pop music. Something new, anything different, they said. Well, different is Lorde's middle name (does she even have a last name?), and she proved it with this #1 smash hit of late 2013. She's failed to follow up with similar success so far, but I see a bright future ahead for this young woman, regardless.

7. Adele

The biggest music star of 2011 was not who you'd expect at all. Adele, a British soul singer with none of the dancey pop charms that we've come to expect from pop music at that time, took the world by storm with two enduring hits in "Rolling in the Deep" and "Someone Like You". Her album 21 garnered a multitude of accolades and awards, and it cemented Adele as one of the true musicians of our generation. That is, until she dropped off the pop scene after 2012 and hasn't really done anything since. Easy come, easy go.

6. Rihanna

Rihanna's sheer volume of singles pretty much guarantees her a few #1 hits. She is one of the best-selling artists of all time, with only a ten-year career to boot. She started off strong with her debut single "Pon De Replay" and continued strong from there. She's a force to be reckoned with, that Rihanna.

5. Janet Jackson

Janet stands tall as being the second-most successful Jackson (sorry Jermaine), with ten Hot 100 Number ones and many others on the R&B charts. Her solo work spans over two decades and her songs still hold up today as classics.

4. Kelly Clarkson

Say what you will about American Idol, but it spawned at least one superstar and her name is Kelly Clarkson. Since her win, Kelly has been winning our hearts over and over with her relatable and catchy hits.

3. Whitney Houston

AND WEEEEEEE-EEEEEEE WILL ALWAYS LOVE HERRRRR and her endearing songs that never fail to touch our hearts and spell her success. Since 1985, Whitney has been one of the bestselling artists, selling over 200 million records worldwide. She's also inspired many performers, but has proven to be irreplaceable with her powerful, driven vocals.

2. Madonna

You can't talk about successful female performers without leaving off one of the most prolific. Madonna truly is one of the most influential women in the music industry, with her personality, her presence, and her unapologetic attitude about who she is and what she does, answering to no one. The personality pays off, with many of her songs reaching #1 on the Hot 100.

1. Mariah Carey

Mariah Carey's enduring success is undeniable, even more so than any other female performer on this list. That's not just me making an assertion, it's Billboard solidifying her presence in the music industry by giving her the Artist of the Decade award for the 90's. Wow. So far being the only woman to achieve that kind of success, Mariah stands tall with her head high as the most successful woman on the Billboard Charts.

Watch-for-it Wednesday: "Wasted" - Tiësto ft. Matthew Koma

Well, looks like Tiësto's "Red Lights" rightfully went nowhere. So, I guess second time's the charm?

This is "Wasted", and while I guess it's better than "Red Lights", it still doesn't get me excited over Tiësto at all. He's not doing anything that hasn't already been done. He's got the high-pitched reverb-laden guest vocals, the Avicii-sounding production... he's like some mediocre mish-mash of a bunch of EDM artists, and this single just helps along the opinion that he doesn't belong in the Top 50.

But just so I'm not ending it here, let's talk about this video, which is pretty much the only interesting thing about this song, in that it's totally insane. See, the video's premise is that a bunch of women get together to party and watch a TV show starring Tiësto. Therein lies the insanity. I have a very hard time suspending my disbelief that anyone would watch a TV show with Tiësto in it.

Okay, maybe I'm being a little hard on the guy. He's not terrible. I just don't see any reason he should become famous when EDM artists have already done what he did in a better way. The lyrics, scarce as they are, are okay, I guess... they're about not only the partying lifestyle, but how people can actually be more enjoyable while you're intoxicated. Kind of a dark message, but it's still better than encouraging youth to run red lights. I wonder how many Tiësto-related car crashes we've had this year?

I suppose if Tiësto keeps improving like this, he'll one day fall into my good graces. But he's still got a ways to go. A long ways.

Hot 100 Success:

Will he have it this time?

He just doesn't stand out, and if "Red Lights" didn't get popular, I don't see why this song should, either, despite it being a little better.

Should he have it this time?

Like I said, I'm nowhere near close to being sold on Tiësto. He's got to do a lot more to impress me than rip off as many EDM artists as he can at once.

CanTunes Tuesday: "Heavy Love" - Serena Ryder

Today, we look at the current face of Canadian adult contemporary music. That's right, move over, Sarah McLachlan! There's a new sheriff in town, and she goes by the name... of Ryder.

Serena fulfills her role of being the face of Canadian adult contemporary perfectly: she's got enough of a soul to be not completely worthless to listen to, but she's also tame enough that she won't scare away your typical middle-aged lite-rock listener. And here we are with "Heavy Love", possibly her tamest song yet.

Basically, if Serena Ryder were to do a caricature of herself, this is what it would sound like. If Serena Ryder decided to tap into her inner bore, this is what it would sound like. I've always thought Serena Ryder was a mediocre artist, but this is a new low.

Okay, it's not that bad. But I feel like this song is supposed to create an emotion in me, and... it doesn't. It really, really doesn't. It's not interesting enough for that. It's also not intelligent enough for that. I honestly don't even know what this song is supposed to be about.

Got a heavy love
Rolling like thunder
Coming from above

So, that's part of the chorus. And supposedly what this song is supposed to be about; Serena Ryder's unequivocal love for everything. Whatever. But then here's something else in the song:

So get off the way
Out of my way
You are in my way

Wow. That doesn't sound very lovable.

That's the real problem of this song; it tries to manipulate you into thinking its lyrics make sense and are SOOOO INSPIRATIONAL with its sound, but really, they're indecipherable. The verses seem to indicate an abusive relationship:

Why did you tell me you wanted me to be free
Then turn around and hold me so tight I couldn't breathe

But then what's all this "heavy love" crap in the chorus? If she wanted to say that she had strength, or was brave, or something, then that would make more sense. But she's counteracting this bad behaviour by saying that she has... love? Like, a clichéd kind of love in every single way possible?

Falling like the rain
Burning like fire

What else you got, Serena? Blowing like the wind? Shining like the sun?

Look, I may be reading too much into this. I think Serena Ryder is, for the most part, a clumsy songwriter who tries to make up for it with her music. But I don't think her music's that great either, so I notice these strange and bizarre lyrics, as well as the boring, clichéd ones. You can't pull the wool over my eyes, Serena! I'm a tough nut to crack! See, I can use them too. It's not hard.

Monday Musings: What makes for a successful comeback?

When a musician falls out of the limelight, there are two things that can happen to that musician: One, they can fade into irrelevance and live off of the money they've already made, or two, they can make a successful comeback. When those comebacks aren't successful, they default to Option One. It's a sad life. But if the comeback is successful, then the musician will go on to even more notoriety and fame. So, what's the difference between a successful comeback and an unsuccessful comeback? First, let's take a look at an example of the former: Mr. Cool, Justin Timberlake.

It was a 7-year gap between Justin Timberlake's hit album FutureSex/LoveSounds and his comeback album The 20/20 Experience. And we came back to embrace him like he had never left us. He fit in with the new pop world so seamlessly. Just think: Lady Gaga, Katy Perry, Adele, Mumford & Sons. Those names didn't even exist in our social consciousness when JT's album came out in 2006. But apparently we've needed JT back in our pop music system, because he came back and we savoured it. So maybe a comeback solely depends on how successful an artist is before his comeback.

Then again... maybe not.

This is "Butterflies", a single Michael Jackson released in early 2002. It went all the way to #14 on the charts, a strong feat for many artists, but not for MJ, who was the biggest music star of the 80's without question. So what happened? Well, in addition to "Butterflies" just not being a very good song, especially for MJ, he was suffering a lot of controversy over his alleged molestation charges, which probably made the public hesitant to accept him back into the mainstream. In fact, I remember that it was cool at the time to hate on everything Michael Jackson, and make disgusting pedophilia jokes and such.

So, maybe a successful comeback depends on the reputation you leave in the time between the success and the comeback. If you fly under the radar and don't fuck up your image, you'll master the comeback just fine. If you get into trouble, well... it'll be a tricky mountain to climb.

I think that a comeback also relies on your ability to move with the times of changing musical styles. New Kids on the Block were quite a successful group in the late 80's and early 90's. It was when they released this...

...that people hopped off of the NKOTB Express. So it depends on the reputation you lead in your dry period, and your ability to adapt with the times. You got those two things in check, you're all set. OR ARE YOU?

Yeah, most likely.