Flashback Friday: "Smack That" - Akon ft. Eminem (2007)

On Flashback Friday, the artists and songs I choose to cover fall into one of two categories: beloved classics that still hold up to this day, or forgotten relics of the past. This time we're dealing with something from the latter category.

This is Akon. You may remember him most recently from starring in a hilarious Lonely Island video, or if we're stretching it, some quasi-hit David Guetta song from 2013... wait, that video has over 300 million views?! How?! Okay, whatever. However you remember him, there was no one quite like Akon. He's kind of like... if Adam Levine was a black guy and had even less charisma than he already does. Yeah, let's go with that.

I could never, ever get into a single song that this guy touched (except the Lonely Island one). Even when he's not coming off as wretchedly sleazy, his irritating voice was still a deal-breaker for me. It's one of those voices that I think just should not exist in popular music. It almost sounds put-on, the way he wails. Like he's trying to sound bad on purpose.

Even so, let me tell you this: I hate this song, but I don't hate it because of Akon. True, he's still pretty much as Akonic (that's a copyrighted word now, don't use it) as he usually is on the song, so he's still not great. But he doesn't go into histrionics on the performance, so it's not too bad. No, I'll tell you the reason I hate this song.

Ooh, looks like another club banger
They better hang on when they throw this thing on

Marshall... where did you go?

A lot of people cite "Just Lose It" as Eminem's colossal downfall in terms of quality. And while that song has terrible lyrics, I tihkn the real reason it fails is that Eminem sounds bored, as he does here. This performance is lifeless.

And it's a shame, because there is some decent wordplay here, certainly moreso then in "Just Lose It" or just about anything else off of Encore, but I can't get invested in it because Em doesn't sound invested. "Yeah, yeah, pedicure, manicure... where's my paycheck?"

The beat is passable, I guess, but I find a lot more wrong with this song than right. Eminem at some of his worst moments, Akon's horrible voice, and unpleasant lyrics.

I feel you creeping, I can see it from my shadow

Is that supposed to be sexy? I'd call the cops!

God, enough of this. I need to listen to some early 2000s Eminem to smack this song out of my mind.