Okay, so usually the way the format of this blog works is that each Sunday, I review the most popular song on the Hot 100 that I have not yet already reviewed. By that notion, this week I should be reviewing "Bad Blood", Taylor Swift's latest single featuring Kendrick Lamar. But... people, there's a time and place for breaking tradition, and here it is.
This summer... is going to hurt... like a motherfucker. Look, I've ragged on Maroon 5 in the past. They've gone from an interesting, style-diverse band to this cash-in audio sludge that only appeals to the masses who don't know any better. Maroon 5 have long overstayed their welcome on the pop charts, and they don't appear to be going away anytime soon. But even so... this song is even more terrible than I could have possibly imagined. This summer's gonna hurt like a motherfucker When I first heard this song, I paused it after these first five seconds. I stared at the wall and I thought, "Wow. Who. This is what Maroon 5 has become. A band that makes anthems for bro-douches." But hold on, it gets even better. This summer's gonna hurt like a motherfucker...fucker Okay, between animals-mals and motherfucker-fucker, I don't think Maroon 5 understand-stand that repeating-peating the last few syllables-bles of your line sounds stupid-upid. At least when they do it. Literally not even ten seconds in and I'm already finding problems with this song left and right. Do you see why I had to forgo my usual format? Her body's hot Her body's like the summer http://www.tubechop.com/watch/6083697 You're ripping off Jeremih, Adam Levine. Jeremih. Think about that for a second. You just ripped off one of the biggest nobodies in pop music history. What does that make you?
I see her dancing on the street Sipping champagne on the beach It's so expensive when she eats Adam Levine... go back to ripping off Jeremih. At least his lines sound like they came form an actual person. So expensive when she eats... who talks like that? Who has ever said those words in order to someone? I can only assume that Adam Levine's transition from cyborg to robot is complete, and he has a hard time understanding how these human life forms communicate. Cause she's so faaaancaaaay But he still has an extensive knowledge of Iggy Azalea songs. Why anyone would want to transition into a robot like that can only by hypothesized. Look, I'm about done talking about this. This is by far the worst thing Maroon 5 has ever done, and I'm glad I decided to talk about it before it goes away forever. Because there's no way people would make this the song of the summer, right? Right? God help me if so.
The 1970s were mostly known for funk, soul, disco and classic rock. But people tend to forget that the 70's were also a perfect breeding ground for country music. Case in point, here's "Southern Nights" by Glen Campbell.
Country music definitely sounded different back then. Or maybe it sounds different now. Whatever. The point is, this style of country sounds a lot more real and raw than the garbage we have today. Now is it interesting? Well... that's another story. The song's enjoyable enough to listen to, but that's it. I like the guitar in the beginning, but beyond that it doesn't have much other than a catchy beat that you can bob your head to if you feel it so necessary. As for the lyrics, well... it's literally a song about southern nights. Yeah. So unless you really want to hear what a southern night is like (which, speaking from a Canadian perspective, doesn't really sound all that different from a northern night), there's not too much reason to go out and listen to this song. Is it a classic? Sure, but there are better classics out there.
Okay, so the title for this one kind of sounds like a riddle. What do you get when you cross an octopus with seething contempt for humanity? You get... OctaHate! ...what?
Well, it's the title of a single by Ryn Weaver gaining in popularity. So who is Ryn Weaver? What is she like? Does she shop at Target or Wal-Mart? Hmm, perhaps these questions aren't very helpful. Well, Ryn Weaver is a fairly new pop singer on the scene, getting her start in 2014 with her debut EP, Promises. That album spawned the single "OctaHate", which is just now gaining mass popularity. Can it keep the winning streak up? Well... let's see. The first thing you notice about the song is that it's definitely going for that indie pop feel. With the drums and the otherwise light instrumentation, you can definitely tell that's where the song's headed. It's something I've heard a lot of times before listening to indie radio, but I don't hate it. In fact, I think it's charming. You might also notice that Ryn Weaver sounds a hell of a lot like Sia, but perhaps a poppier version of Sia. You might also be wondering why this song is called "OctaHate". Well... keep wondering, because I have no idea. Seriously. There's no mention of "octa-hate" or even that much regular hate in the song. It's mostly just heartbreak. So, you got me, title. you got me. Overall, the song does work for me. As I said, it's really nothing new that I haven't heard before, but for what it is, it's a nice entry into the world of pop music and I wouldn't even complain if it kept gaining more buzz. I don't OctaLove this song, but I certainly don't OctaHate it either. God, I'm starting to sound like those girls from Pitch Perfect.
Oh sweet Jesus, have mercy on my soul. God, I need to do some serious pondering about my life and choices. Thanks a lot, Ryn Weaver.
Okay, if it's charting, and the makeup of the artistry is at least half-Canadian, I'm gonna count it for this blog. So with that in mind, here's Steve Aoki and Walk Off The Earth with "Home We'll Go (Take My Hand)".
Aww yeah, there's the good electronic vibes that I know you were all craving from Walk Off The Earth. It's actually worth mentioning that there's an original version of this, and this is actually the remixed version. So I think it's only fair that in this review, I also compare the two. Here's the original.
You can tell right from the beginning that these two versions of the song were meant to give off different vibes. The original starts off with this folksy whistling, which prepares you for the banjos and whatnot. The remixed version starts you off with a blast of electronics, setting the tone for an EDM-laden remix. So how do these two tones affect the songs? I think the first song is a lot more personable and relatable. It's still got that "everyman" feel to it, in that anyone could probably listen to this and not feel alienated, but it also seems to detail a more personal story, helped by its instrumentation. The EDM remix, on the other hand... it's just an EDM remix. It's an okay remix, but remixing it into EDM kind of takes those personable and relatable qualities away and just turns it into something that you can dance to. I vastly prefer the original because it's more creative with its instrumentation and it feels like it means more to the listener. It's a song that has purpose other than dancing to it in the clubs. I don't hate the EDM remix, but it doesn't do much for me, either. Walk Off The Earth: better when not distilled.
All right, let's talk about Andy Grammer! ...you first.
Seriously, I know next to nothing about this guy. I listened to a few of his previous songs for research and he kind of sounds like a happier version of The Script... but I'm just hearing about him now. And that's probably because he hasn't had a smash hit yet. Well, that's all about to change with "Honey, I'm Good." It's his first Top 20 entry and maybe even soon-to-be Top 10. So the question remains: how is it? Well, like I said, I haven't heard of Andy Grammer before this song, so I didn't know what to expect. Truth be told, the title annoyed me before I even listened to this song - that punctuation just sitting there all pretentious-like, who does this Andy Grammer guy think he is?! So, my expectations weren't high. But you know what? I was pleasantly surprised! It's a catchy, fun song with a little bit of a new take. You see, "honey, I'm good" refers to somebody Andy Grammer meets at a bar or something, tempting him to cheat on his wife. But Andy Grammer knocks down that notion with "nah, nah, honey I'm good", indicating that he already loves someone and would not dare cheat on his... And if I stay I might not leave alone ...oh. So you are tempted, then. Okay, yeah, I said before this song has a bit of a new take. Well, it's also a bit of a weird take. He seems to acknowledge that the temptation is there, but he's not giving into it... but he also acknowledges that if he stays a little longer, he will give in... what? What? Also, why are married couples lip-singing this in the video? You do know that this song is about desire and temptation, right? Or... maybe it's not. Holy shit, I'm confused. I guess that's the point of the song, the confusing desires that people might feel, but it just leaves me wondering what this song is about, or what the narrator is really feeling.
I mean, it's still fun. It's catchy, it's upbeat, I understand why people would like it. But the message is just so muddled... I can't tell what it's trying to tell me. And I guess when it comes to that, you just have to give up and say "Andy, I'm good."
Well guys, if you don't know why you came here tonight, and you've got the feeling that somethin' ain't right, have I got a song for you!
Man, do I love this song. "Stuck in the Middle with You" was written by Joe Egan and Gerry Rafferty of Stealers Wheel. They're the groovy-haired dudes you see in the video performing the song. Rafferty in particular was inspired by the music of Bob Dylan, and you can definitely hear Dylan's influence in his voice... and lyrics. Actually, that's the funny thing about this song; it's actually meant to be a parody of Dylan's performance and songwriting. I mean, you listen to some of their other songs like "Star" or "Benediction", and you can tell that they're definitely amping up the Dylan for this song in particular. And hey, maybe that's partly why it became a hit! But give the song credit, it does have more going for it than that. Not only does it mimic Dylan's vocal style, but it's also got some pretty catchy and interesting instrumentation in its own right. It's a really good song to just bob your head to. So, as a parody it works. As a song it works. It just works.
Hey, remember the last time we had an EDM track do well on the charts? Because I... barely do. What's it been, like, two years or so?
So enter Galantis, a Swedish band that formed a few years ago and is gaining some momentum with their single "Runaway (U & I)". Is it enough to crack the Hot 100? Well... given that EDM has tanked in popularity in favour of... honestly, I don't know what genre could be classified as "popular" right now, I'd say this song doesn't have that strong of a chance. It's basically your by-the-numbers EDM track. Doesn't do anything interesting to deviate from the norm, except for this thing in the video where someone's wearing a... cat mask... um, okay. But yeah, cat mask isn't really enough to make this song interesting. It's not a very good song. I can see it being played at clubs, and that's about it. I can't really see this taking off on the pop charts. Sorry, Galantis. Just doesn't do anything for me.
Earlier this year, Drake released a self-proclaimed "mixtape" entitled If You're Reading This It's Too Late. Now, none of those songs have done terribly well on the charts, but the one that seems to be gaining the most buzz is "Know Yourself". So, let's take a look at it.
Now you might remember how I praised his 2014 song "0 to 100/The Catch Up", calling it the best hit song of 2014. This song... doesn't exactly grab me in the same way. It's definitely not bad. It's got a lot of interesting components to it, and Drake seems to be high-energy on this track, which is always good to hear. But after such a powerful statement that "0 to 100/The Catch Up" gave me, I think it was only inevitable that anything Drake would release after that would underwhelm me. Despite its high energy and its creativity, the song seems somewhat disjointed to me, like Drake's jumping around the track trying to find a tone. Which does work to the song's benefit in some sense, but isn't pulled off as well as it could have been. That said, if this is the direction Drake is taking, I'm all for it. I just hope the rest of his stuff is a little more refined and a little more focused. Or if not focused, at least cohesive.
All right now, who let David Guetta back into the recording studio?
Also, why does this sound nothing like David Guetta's music? I guess I can hear a little bit of him in it, but this is a stark contrast to his typical-sounding pop song. And I have to say... it's pretty good. Yeah, I'm actually really enjoying this. Never before has Guetta put so much energy and effort into his music. Maybe working with Afrojack was just the spark that he needed. I'd cite Nicki Minaj as an influence too, but... well... that already happened. Twice. With mediocre payoff. So I'm pointing to Afrojack as the inspiration for the sudden burst of energy from Guetta that this track gives us. God damn, they should collaborate more often! But now that I've talked about how I think this song is great, let's focus on where it falters: the lyrics. Nicki Minaj has asserted herself as a feminist icon in the world of hip hop, and I say good for her! In such an under-represented genre of music for females, it's important for girls to have these influences. That's why the lyrics here... irk me. Yes I do the cooking Yes I do the cleaning Plus I keep the na-na real sweet for your eating Um... Rosie the Riveter this is not. Where the hell did this come from? I guess I can sort of see how Minaj is asserting her dominance over other women, but it's a lot like Meghan Trainor was doing in "All About That Bass": Showing how good you are at pleasing men. That just doesn't sound like a very feminist attitude to me, and I'm surprised to hear this kind of tripe from Nicki Minaj. I think she tries to redeem herself with a rap breakdown after the second chorus, but after we hear lyrics like "Yes I do the cooking, yes I do the cleaning", there isn't much feminist impact you can get after that. Also... there's no way that's her on the chorus. Who is that? Is that Rihanna? No, it's Bebe Rexha, a singer who wasn't credited on the track. Wonder why that is? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hey_Mama_(David_Guetta_song)#Background Wow, what a load of horseshit. Really, Guetta? You couldn't have one more name listed on the track because it might be too much for poor radio DJs to say? Well, screw you, douchebag! Not only did you have me thinking this was Rihanna, but you're stealing an artist's ability to showcase herself on a good performance! Man alive... Business and questionable lyrics aside, I do like this song. Like I said, it's got an energy to it that I don't typically hear in Guetta's music. And sometimes raised expectations are all you need in order to embrace a song. While I can't fully praise it, I do think it's some of Guetta's finest work. Not that that's saying much. Whatever.
Okay, so this Flashback Friday, I want to talk about something that Billboard used to do that was annoying as hell. They took a single and the b-side of a single and encompassed it into one entry on a Billboard chart, leaving me with today's pick, Mariah Carey's "Without You"/"Never Forget You". Really, Billboard? You're putting me through all this? Well, it had better be worth it. I guess it is ultimately worth it with Mariah Carey at the reins. She was one of the biggest pop stars of the 90's, and it's easy to see why. Her commanding voice and accessible music style make for a knockout combination Billboard-wise. But is she really the flawless superstar that people make her out to be? Yes. Yes she is.
Both of these songs showcase Mariah's raw, powerful presence in her vocals, which is really where she excelled. You always hear a Mariah Carey song with the expectation for her to just belt it out. And belt she does, immaculately. So I won't hear anything from people who think that Mariah didn't deserve the notoriety she got. She most certainly did, and I think it's evident if you listen to any one of her songs. I'm in heaven listening to Mariah Carey, and that's a fact. So, what about these two songs in particular? I think "Without You" is probably one of Carey's best, letting her voice take centre stage and just letting loose with it. It's an amazing vocal performance. "Never Forget You" is good as well, but I don't think the performance is particularly noteworthy, at least not for Mariah. However, to serve as the vocal powerhouse of the 90's is not an easy task, and Mariah still does it well in both of these sons. God bless her soul.
As I look at the Emerging Artists chart, I find a whole bunch of different things that are trending on Twitter for whatever reason. For example, this song that we've got today is a Canadian country song from about a year ago. So I'm honestly not understanding how this chart works. I'm gonna find out. So essentially, the chart works by taking artists that have a relatively low following on Twitter and following which songs trend the most on Twitter. Because when I want to discover a new artist, the first place I go to is Twitter. Ah, whatever. It's as good a barometer as any. So, Tim Hicks!
Man, I gotta tell you, there's something about this song that I just like. I think it has a lot to do with the title of the song, actually. "Here comes the thunder." Shit like that commands your attention, much like an actual thunderstorm. And there's something about the way this guy sings that just creates a presence swallowing up everything in the room when this song is on. You see, for the last little while, there's been no edge to country music. Country artists haven't demanded you to listen to them, mostly because a lot of country music has mixed with pop music and it's all turned to sludge. So I gotta tell ya, I definitely miss country songs like these. "Here comes the thunder." I want this lyric to define a new generation of country music, or at least bring an old one back. It's been a really long time since a country artist has commanded my full attention, but Tim Hicks has definitely done it. This is how you get down with the honky tonk. This is country music! Bravo, Tim Hicks. So, I'm thinking that Canadians seriously need to show Americans how this country music thing is done... and in some ways, that just sounds pathetic. Oh well, I'll take the publicity for my country anyway.
It looks as is we're back to wondering why there are so many Canadian pop artists with the name "Shawn". Because here's Shawn Hook again, with another hit.
Now this is kind of a Sam Smith/Adam Levine-sounding song vocally, so not really too much of interest in that department. It's also a breakup song, chiefly about how he misses the sound of his loved one's heart beating. Sure. Not really anything of interest there either. Overall, this song is just okay for me. I mean... there is really not much to say about this one. It's not particularly good or bad. It just kind of hangs there in the realm of pop music. I guess he puts enough emotion into his voice to make his plight sound believable. but again, this whole song offers nothing I haven't heard before countless times. There's just nothing new. And personally, I'm missing the sound of that.
Okay, so... I've gone on many tirades about rap music these days and how it pales in comparison to what hip hop used to be. But... are people even trying? Like, seriously?
Ugggghhh. This is "Nasty Freestyle" by T-Wayne. I gotta be honest, I don't know what irks me about rap music lately, but I feel like I have to turn my brain off to enjoy it these days. Like, all the time. There's nothing provocative, nothing interesting, nothing thought-provoking, it's all just the same paint-by-numbers boring crap that we've somehow grown to accept! Of course, I'm only judging based on what I'm hearing from the pop charts' offerings of rap. On the rap charts I'm sure there are more songs to enjoy... Rae Sremmurd? Rich Homie Quan? Okay, I'm signing off of that deal. So that brings us back to "Nasty Freestyle", the latest in a cavalcade of rap songs this year. This one's actually kind of notable because of how short it is. It's less than three minutes long. Could it be a throwback to when pop songs were typically under three minutes? Yeah, probably not. He probably just didn't have enough material to constitute a longer song. Okay, so what's this song about? He hops out his muh'fuckin Porsche, and... wow, this guy's flow is lame. He's just mumbling his way throughout the song. I can barely tell where one line ends and another starts. And that can definitely work, but either be clever with it or go balls-out. This falls into neither category, instead feeling tired and unfinished. The song's length doesn't help this, but then again I wouldn't want it to be longer either. Okay, so he's a player... he has money... god, this is boring. This is one of the most boring songs I've heard in a while. It has no excitement in its music, and the lyrics range from generic to just being weird. Toilet seat ass nigga man I swear you getting peed on Uh... yeah, what he said. Well, i'm about done with this song. First let me conclude this muh'fuckin' review with hoping that we get better rap music as the year gores on.
Oh, these pretty boys with their guitars, making the girls scream in concerts. The year is 1965, and one of the bands on everybody's mind is The Kinks.
Seriously, listen to those girls! They almost drown out the music at points! But i'm glad that they don't, because this is a good song. It's not really too complicated of a song, but this was back when a lot of rock songs had that "pop" element to them. And for what it is, it works. It honestly kind of works better than usual with the subject matter it entails. The repetition in the chorus really makes the tiredness of waiting seem all the more tired. It's a simple song with a simple message, and it's good to just have those once in a while. With just the right amount of attitude, but also the right amount of lovesickness, this song is a winner in my books.
This guy just named his song after the date which he's dropping his album on. I've heard worse titles...?
Okay, so who is Troy Ave? Is it a street name? Well, since I'm not reviewing streets, I have to assume that this guy is an artist rising in popularity. And my assumption would be right! Troy Ave has not had any Billboard success with his singles yet, but he is certainly a presence, with his last album reaching #47 on the R&B album chart. While not the greatest rapper I've heard, he certainly does have this aura of confidence about him that is admirable, especially for someone who doesn't have much success yet. Speaking about this song in particular, this beat is awesome. It's dark, but it's still enjoyable to listen to. The lyrics are nothing really too special. Standard brag rap about how tough he is and how much money he can spend. The only really interesting part about it for me is how it ends with him saying that his album will drop June 5th. I don't know if this is common practice, but I've never really heard a song promoting a future album before, at least none that I can remember. So that sets it apart. This song isn't that great, but the beat is pretty cool, so I think it's worth at least one listen. I don't know how well Troy will do with his singles on the Billboard chart, but I wouldn't necessarily object to him getting success. He seems competent enough as a rapper and I can certainly think of worse ones that got popular.
Okay, so now we've hit two artists in a row who are actually making it big on the Canadian charts this year! This is actually quite the milestone for 2015. It also gives me an opportunity to talk about one of the more interesting Canadian groups out there today, Walk Off The Earth.
I heard their song "Red Hands" in 2013 and I instantly fell in love with them. They seemed like just the band to bring a new, dynamic sound to Canada's field of artists, and I was excited to hear what they would release next! Then... this happened.
I suppose "Gang of Rhythm" isn't a bad song, but it really didn't do a lot for me, at least not as much as "Red Hands" did. The song seemed a lot easier to ignore to me than the previous one. Honestly, I wondered if they worked better as simply a cover band, because their covers really are stellar. But now here they are again with a song of their own, making it big on the charts. This is "Rule the World".
I honestly thought this song wouldn't work for me at the beginning. Its sound seemed really overdone to me. A generic pump-up anthem that offered nothing new or interesting. But then Sarah Blackwood's vocals kicked in. And holy shit, did the song start to justify its existence. All in all, I think Blackwood is the glue that holds this band together, turning them from a band I like into a band I love. She's got the fire-in-the-belly passion that Lights gets in some of her songs, but also the raw vocals to back it up. I do like Lights, but moreso when she's crooning, not belting. Anyway, you really do have to work hard to justify lyrics like these: I say yeah yeah yeah They say no no no They say slow slow slow I say go go go Like... are you trying to re-write Go Dog Go here? Yeesh. But it works, and Sarah Blackwood makes it work. Honestly, the song isn't that great overall, but I can't help but like it because of Sarah Blackwood's vocals. They really justify this song for me. That's how I roll sometimes. One element can justify a whole song for me. It didn't work with "G.D.F.R.", but it worked here. So, I can say that I do like this song, and I am happy to see Walk Off The Earth on the charts again. Here's hoping they can utilize their many talents together and make even better songs to come! They say no way, oh I'll say I'll rule the world Well, you don't rule the world just yet. But I appreciate your enthusiasm! Keep that up, too. It's a good trait to have.
You know... Vine is becoming a lot more influential on the charts than I'd like it to be.
Yeah, see this, ladies and gents? This is Will Smith and Carlton dancing to the song I'm reviewing today in a Vine. I have not heard this song anywhere else except in Vines. Are vines the new method of getting our music? I sure hope not. A lot of stupid stuff goes on down there. But if this is the route we're taking, then I have to go this route as well. It's part of my civic duty as a music reviewer on the Internet. That's right, we have civic duties as well. Okay, so here is the full song, "Post to Be", by Omarion featuring Chris Brown (blech) and Jhene Aiko.
Oh, and lest I forget, MUSTARD ON THE BEAT HOE!
Really? We've kept this guy around for 2015? Really? *sigh* Well, to be fair, this is probably one of his best beats. It's still distinctively Mustard, but it does go a bit of an extra mile to make the production sound bouncier and happier. Looks like he's finally learned how to do that. Good for him. Let's move on to the featured artists. Before I do anything, let's look at the line that has made this song such an infamy on Vine. I might let your boy chauffeur me But he gotta eat the booty like groceries Now, this line was actually inspired by Kevin Gates' Vines, where he admits on more than one occasion that he eatsbooty. Um... okay. Is that what the kids are doing these days? Well, anyway, Jhene Aiko knew that in her part of the song, she had to say something about eating the booty, and to come up with a soft rhyme for "post to be", we get Eat the booty like groceries And you know what? Listening to it in context, I honestly don't mind it. Now that I know that it's partly homage, it strangely makes it better for me. That, and it's just nice to have a female presence on this song. Helps to break up the monotony and the subject matter somewhat. Yeah, Jhene Aiko's part is surprisingly my favourite part of the whole song. And the rest of the song honestly isn't half bad, either. I mean, it doesn't really say anything intelligent or groundbreaking - Jhene Aiko's part is the closest that comes to that. And Chris Brown kind of kills the vibe for me just by being Chris Brown. I know it's not really fair to him, but the guy's created such a stank of douchebag in his persona that it always manages to seep into his music, and I always end up cringing at the end of it all. However, one of DJ Mustard's best beats helps to liven up the mood of the song, making it an enjoyable listen most of the way through. And I really do think Jhene Aiko's part is a breath of fresh air in the song, especially following Chris Brown. So, yeah. The "eat the booty like groceries" song? It actually gets a thumbs up from me. Not a perfect thumbs up, but you know, it's there. Who would have thought? Maybe Vine should be more influential on the charts.
