"I Don't Fuck With You" - Big Sean ft. E-40

Big Sean? Really?!

Okay... this is Big Sean featuring E-40 with "I Don't Fuck With You".

You know, I really don't need to say anything. This song says it all! It clearly doesn't give a fuck about what I think, so why should I give a fuck?

Well, I guess I would lose what few readers I have if I stopped giving a fuck... so here we go, let's take a look.

The song starts out by sampling DJ Rogers' 1975 song "Say You Love Me", cranking up the pitch to an annoyingly high tone. Geez, are you trying to call dogs with that? The original song is very nice, though. I'm just sorry it has to be associated with this piece of shit. Speaking of which, after the sample, we dive right into Big Sean's lyrics.

I don't fuck with you
You little stupid ass bitch, I ain't fuckin' with you

What is there to say about this?

You little, you little dumb ass bitch I ain't fuckin' with you

Needless to say, the hook is completely worthless. If Big Sean's your thing, maybe you'll get something out of it, but Big Sean was never my thing. I guess what people see in his bad songs is a parody of rap music today, but all I see is someone trying to be funny and failing repeatedly. More so Jason Derulo than Jon LaJoie. And nothing shows that more than this hook. He's trying so hard to be purposefully bad that it works. Congratulations, Big Sean. You suck.

...Say, there's another rapper on this, isn't there?

Got a million things on my mind
Executive deals online, limited amount of time
Chasin' these dollar signs and you ain't on your grind

Whoa, the track picked up.

That's E-40 rapping there,  a rapper from The Click who's had moderate success throughout his career. This featured credit is his biggest hit thus far, and his flow just blows Big Sean out of the water. It's like the track took a heavy dose of pep pills after taking a dose of sleeping pills. Not recommended, by the way.

So I can't hate this song. Hell, I don't think I would really hate it that much even if it was just Big Sean. The song's just too stupid for me to outright hate. It's not worth my time or energy, and it's not worth yours either. E-40's verse is good, but the rest? Unless you're a Big Sean fan, just give it a pass and let it be on its way.

Flashback Friday: "Bad Medicine" - Bon Jovi (1988)

Today, we're going to take a look at a song that has shaped generations of music and has had a profound impact on... just kidding, you saw the title, it's "Bad Medicine" by Bon Jovi.

What can you say about Bon Jovi? Probably one of the most successful bands of their time, a band that exploited their full potential to be shamelessly cheesy. But if you look deeper into the lyrics, will you delve into the twisted psyche of the man they call "Jon Bon Jovi"?

Well, you can give it a shot. But me, I'm just going to take it for what it is: enjoyable cheeseball entertainment. And this song in particular, "Bad Medicine". It's stupid, it's goofy, and it might just be my favourite Bon Jovi song.

Why this song over the others? Well, here's my explanation. Generally, if a Bon Jovi song is going to give you something, it's going to be giving you the same thing every Bon Jovi song does: goofy hair metal. (Recent turn to country music excluded.) And "Bad Medicine" does just that, let's not beat around the bush. It's a notoriously goofy song, probably one of their goofiest, that builds off of the foundations Robert Palmer set about a decade back, and rolling with it to the extreme!

Iiiii've got a fever, got a permanent disease
And it'll take more than a doctor to prescribe a remedy 

Hey, ladies! Nothing like the idea of a "permanent disease" to get the love groove turned up! I wonder why Marvin Gaye never went for that metaphor? Oh, right. His music was actually sexy.

That said, though, there's a surprising tightness and focus to "Bad Medicine". Jon Bon's vocals coincide with the instruments in such an ear-catching way, making the separate entities combine into one. Compare that with "Livin' on a Prayer". And yes, that song does have a special place in my heart as well, but really hear the difference. "Livin' on a Prayer" isn't a bad song... okay, it is pretty laughable. But "Bad Medicine" just trumps it with how in-sync the artists sound with each other. It's probably the best-composed song the boys have ever had, and that's why it's my favourite.

...or maybe the song just sounds the most AWESOME! It could go either way, really.

Watch-for-it Wednesday: "Uptown Funk!" - Mark Ronson ft. Bruno Mars

You know, it is soooo refreshing to hear a DJ finally do a genre that's different from EDM in this day and age.

What's weird though, is that although this song isn't predominantly EDM, I still hear some of the EDM tropes in it. Listen to the song at around 55 seconds. That sounds just like EDM buildup. Yet the rest of the song is a completely different tone. But I guess the real question is: like EDM, does it suck the personality out of the featured singer?

Well, Bruno Mars' personality seems to be, as of late, a mouthpiece for retro 70's and 80's music to come back into the mainstream. And this has largely been a good thing! You've got your Police-inspired music here, your piano ballad here, your disco throwback here... and I think it's all worked well so far. But Bruno Mars has been largely left out of the mainstream pop chart in 2014, so this could very well be his comeback single if it gains more popularity. Does it deserve to?

It's an okay song. It seems to care more about the trend it's trying to imitate than the actual content of the song, but it gets its job done just fine. It's funky, it's tight, it's cool. The lyrics aren't really anything to sneeze at, but they're not terrible either, especially compared to the bragging songs we get today. So, I do think both Mark Ronson and Bruno Mars do a good job here, and it's a decent offering as Bruno's comeback single. But what about Mark Ronson? Has he done enough to warrant fame?

Hot 100 Success:

Will he have it?

This video has over 5 million views in one week. That's pretty indicative of this song's future success, I'd say. I can see it getting a lot of radio play, too. As for follow-up success... I think Mark Ronson offers something different enough to attract attention, but not too different that it will alienate listeners. His time has come to share his gift with the public.

Should he have it?

Yes, if only to show what DJs can do these days other than go over the same EDM tropes over and over again. Can't wait to hear what comes next!

CanTunes Tuesday: "Million Ways" - Shawn Hook

Shawn Hook exists!

Apart from that, I couldn't tell you much about the guy. He's about as generic as they come, like a poor man's Robin Thicke. This song is so uneventful, I don't know how it even got on the Canadian Hot 100. Surely we can do better!

It's not a terrible song, but it doesn't really offer anything new or interesting.

I'm gonna find a million ways to love you
I need time for every part of you
I'm gonna find a million ways to love you
I ain't giving up, giving up, giving up tonight

Uh... good for you, Shawn Hook. Why did you need to write a song about this?

Also, for a song called "Million Ways", there aren't really any ways that Shawn Hook says he's actually gonna love this person. Like, there isn't a single one. A bit hyperbolic there, Shawn? I mean, Paul Simon didn't have fifty ways to leave your lover in "Fifty Ways to Leave Your Lover", but he at least had some! (Even if some of them got as vague as making a new plan... Stan, but that's beside the point.)

Is one of the "million ways" to love her singing in an annoying falsetto? Because at least that would be canon to the song.

Ahh, screw it, there's nothing else to say here. Just a boring song by a vapid artist. I await the next song on the chopping block, if for no other reason than maybe, just maybe, it'll be more interesting.

"Blank Space" - Taylor Swift

The Taylor Swift pop saga continues.

Taylor Swift's album 1989 has been, in my opinion, by far her best one. "Shake it Off" was a Taylor Swift song I liked. This is a Taylor Swift song that I love. In fact, this might be my favourite Taylor Swift song.

Finally, I sense some self-awareness with this girl! Hell, even some sarcastic humour to go with it. Rather than back down from her perceived persona like she's done in the past, Swift appears to have finally relented and taken the jabs at her in stride. And you know what? She's now produced some of the most introspective music I've heard from her.

I've heard Taylor Swift get self-aware before, but never to this degree. This song details all the assumptions made about her in such a tongue-in-cheek fashion.

Got a long list of ex-lovers
They'll tell you I'm insane

She admits vulnerabilities in her stardom; she knows that her image isn't perfect. She knows what kind of nasty things are being said about her. And she rolls with it this time around.

'Cause you know I love the players
And you love the game

She admits that maybe she's going for the wrong guys some of the time. (I mean, one of them was John Mayer. At that point, it's time to wake up and smell the coffee.) But the song is also done in a very sarcastic tone which suggests that just because she knows what's being said about her, doesn't mean she cares.

I don't fully buy that she's impervious to criticism (hell, read that article above for one good example of the contrary). But this song proves that she can at least provide a good sense of humour about the whole thing, and sound damn good while doing it. Stay in the realm of pop music, Swift. To me, it's where you definitely belong.

Flashback Friday: "That's What Love is For" - Amy Grant (1992)

I don't know who this is.

When I think of 1992, I think of Kris Kross, Sir Mix-a-Lot, even Bryan Adams. But who the hell is Amy Grant?

From Wikipedia: She has been referred to as "The Queen of Christian Pop".

Oh... joy.

Well, as far as Christian artists go, I guess she's not bad. She could certainly be worse. But this song doesn't do much for me at all. I mean, this doesn't even sound Christian. Just vapid.

That's what love is for
To help us through it
That's what love is for
Nothing else can do it

Yay, love, good things, shiny happy people holding hands...

While the song doesn't do anything for me, though, I do get at least some enjoyment out of this bombastic, ridiculous early 90's video. With the weird red dress, and the awkward couple, and OH MAN, DAT GUITAR SOLO.

http://youtu.be/uLVV2TaI4Wo?t=2m35s

This is where God is found in this song. This is what makes this song Christian.

It's not a bad guitar solo, but it's so ridiculously out of place that it merely fits in with the weird choices of this song and video. That's what love is for, I guess. Finding things to love even in the darkest senses of madness. Hey, that's almost a deep quote. Thanks, Amy Grant! Boy, I should probably listen to Christian music more often...

Oh yeah, Creed. That's why I don't. Oh well.

Watch-for-it Wednesday: "Heroes (We Could Be)" - Alesso ft. Tove Lo

2013 was a year of Miley, bro-country, and controversy. But it was also the peak time for EDM.

For the longest time that year, critics of EDM have said that it sucked the life out of the guest artist contributing vocals to the song with its boring, bland, clichéd music style. But I've never really agreed with that... until now.

Tove Lo... what happened?

Remember Tove Lo? You should. Her song "Habits (Stay High)" went all the way to the Top 10 recently, currently sitting pretty at #4. And as you may recall on a previous Wednesday, I loved this song. I thought it provided an interesting take on the "party hard" lifestyle, and its success on the Billboard charts is exactly what I had hoped for.

But more importantly, it brought a new star into the mainstream with a lot of personality to show and give. All gone, thanks to the soul-sucking powers of EDM.

We could be heroes
Me and you

Is this even the same person? This sounds like... Sabi from "You Make Me Feel"! Or Nayer from "Give Me Everything"! Or literally any other forgettable female singer in the past few years! Tove Who?

I really, really hope this doesn't eclipse the popularity of "Habits", and thankfully I don't think it will, because this song is dull as shit. There's nothing new here that wasn't done with 2013's EDM. Hell, Pitbull was more innovative than this, and he ripped off "Take On Me"! All right, two Pitbull references in one non-Pitbull review are enough.

But you still get the idea. I've heard this sort of song a million times; I could listen to so many other songs that sound like this. I liked EDM in 2013, but it's best that it stayed there, because it did start to tire on me by the end of the year. And now we're here, with an EDM song that I absolutely hate for destroying an artist's personality. I think I've joined the masses of hatred. Feels nice, in a way.

Hot 100 Success:

Will he have it?

I think everyone is just as sick of EDM as I am, and that's why we haven't really seen any in 2014's chart history. I think it's safe to say that this one will not strike the chords of many hearts.

Should he have it?

Stay away from "Habits", you monster! Leave Tove Lo alone! Uh, no. No, he shouldn't. Thanks for listening!

CanTunes Tuesday: "Wastin' Gas" - Dallas Smith

Okay, Dallas... I stuck up for you. I tried to stick up for Canadian country music as a whole. So, tell me: How do you explain this?

I think midterm season might have rendered me a little grumpy. But I'm gonna ignore that and just focus on Dallas Smith's failings in this song. To do that, let's look at his last song I reviewed, and really liked: "A Girl Like You".

This song bounced. This song had a great energy and flow. "Wastin' Gas", on the other hand, sounds like it's wastin' instruments.

It just slogs along without ever amounting to anything. The same kind of boring flow throughout the chorus and the verses. It tries to compensate with some hard-poundin' guitar, but that just makes the song seem more desperate to amount to something.

Okay, enough of that. How about the lyrics?

Well, I guess the lyrics are fine. Again, they're not your typical "girl beer truck" method of writing, even though it is about a girl. It actually tries to write a piece of poetry, what with all the similes... much like "A Girl Like You", actually. Remember this gem?

You like a cherry on top a red striped straw in a Coca Cola classic

I'm gonna guarantee that lyric will never show up in any sort of song again. And "Wastin' Gas" admittedly attempts for originality, too!

Every once in a while it'll backfire like a gun
I see that needle creeping down like a setting sun

That's something! The speedometer needle setting like a sun because they're running out of gas... that's cool! Well, it's really not cool. It's a pretty big problem, especially if they're out in the country with no gas station for miles. ...say, wasting gas seems like a pretty stupid idea, actually.

Oh, well. It still has some interesting ideas with the lyrics, so I can't fault it for that. I just wish it went somewhere musically, because it really doesn't. Maybe at some points with Dallas Smith's vocals, but those interesting moments are few and far between. Perhaps it's not as bad as I prefaced, but really, I expect a little more from Canadian country music! Especially since a little while back I didn't really know that was a thing, outside of Shania Twain!

"Love Me Harder" - Ariana Grande & The Weeknd

Ariana Grande's role in pop music, so far, is to be a replacement for the beautiful, talented Mariah Carey. How has she embraced that role? Well... it's been a bit of a rocky road.

You see, it's not that simple to be the new face of a 90's pop legend, because music from 1994 and music from 2014 differ in many ways. You can't just get away with copying a style entirely, because that would sound dated and boring.

Uh... never mind, point taken. But if you really want to impress, you need to take what you had with the old and also use some of the new to create a great synergy of old and new music. And that's what I think we have here in the song "Love Me Harder".

Ariana Grande is still obviously taking inspiration from Mariah Carey, but the music, as well as the inclusion of The Weeknd, makes this hit grounded in 2014. And you know what? It's pretty awesome.

Okay, "awesome" is stretching it a little. But the combination of old and new does work really well. I think the last song Ariana was featured on, "Bang Bang", didn't really use her talents well, and as a result, she seemed lost in the song, both lyrically and musically. 

See anybody could be good to you,
You need a bad girl to blow your mind

God, her being the "bad girl" still doesn't make sense. But anyway, here she is in this song, right back in her element.

This is a slower, more mellow song compared to previous hits like "Problem", "The Way" or even "Baby I". But Ariana makes it work with the music, complementing it well with her vocals. This song certainly uses Ariana Grande better than "Bang Bang" did.

The Weeknd is also on this track, it being his first big breakthrough on the Hot 100 chart. He's not bad, per se, but he's definitely the weakest part. This song needed an Usher, and The Weeknd sounds... well, weakened in comparison to Grande's powerhouse vocals.

But that's a nitpick, and it only proves what Ariana can do when she's given the right music to play off of. No, I'm not sick of Ariana Grande yet, and I'm continuing to root for her continuing chart success! You could say I love her harder... but that sounds creepy and wrong, so maybe not. Sorry if I ruined the song for all of you. *sigh* I'll see myself to the shame corner.

Flashback Friday: "We'll Sing in the Sunshine" - Gale Garnett (1964)

In 1952, a movie was released entitled Singin' in the Rain. That film has nothing to do with this song, but I need a segue, okay? This is "We'll Sing in the Sunshine"!

60's pop hits... what can I say? Sometimes they're revolutionary, and sometimes they're harmless ditties. This is a harmless ditty.

And I think this ditty is one of the dittiest I've ever heard, actually. It doesn't really make you want to sing along, so much as just go, "la, la, la, la..." It's very safe. It's a very safe love song...

I will never love you
The cost of love's too dear

Uh... go... dutch, then?

Wow, these calm-sounding songs are really messing with my perceptions! Okay, so... this is not a love song. So what's it about? Just... singing in the sunshine?

That's my best guess. It's just about singing, and being carefree, and not actually forming emotional attachments with the other person. It's just a little more on the nose than most songs like this.

And with that said... I kinda like it. It's almost a satire of cheap, lovey-dovey songs that aren't really about true emotion. I don't know if it was intended that way, but I can enjoy it on that level, at least. Hey, I might even sing this in the sunshine one day! If the sun would ever shine again, that is. God, I hate November.

Watch-for-it Wednesday: "Try Me" - DeJ Loaf

It is so refreshing to see another female make her way into the male-dominated hip hop scene! I mean, who have we got right now? Nicki Minaj? Iggy Azalea? Uh... possibly Taylor Swift, I'm not sure? Regardless, it's time to move over, ladies! There's a new queen in town, and she goes by the name of... DeJ Loaf. I've heard worse names.

And that's true when it comes to this song, as well. It's not the best thing I've ever heard, far from it actually. But as far as my expectations for hip hop today are concerned... eh, it's alright. There are some weird-ass lyrics here that just get lost in the muddled verses:

I really hate niggas, I'm a Nazi

Uh... come again?

I really hate niggas, I'm a Nazi

Eh... there's probably a whole lot of hip hop culture that I'm missing here, like usual, so let's just forget about that one.

This song just kind of drones along, noticeably with the same vocal melody. Dadadada DA da, da da DA da... but at least DeJ's voice is tolerable, unlike this.

Or... this.

Do you see what I mean when I talk about lowered expectations?

So, as a whole, the song's pretty harmless, especially for today. It might be something that I put on to chill out...

Fuck around and I'ma catch a body

Or... not!

Yeah, despite the cool, calming tone of this song, it's actually really violent in its lyrics! That one lyric isn't an anomaly.

Leave a bitch nigga head in pasta

You think you're enjoying your delicious bowl of cheese gnocchi, but then, BAM! She shoots you and your head falls right into the pasta!

Turn your face into a pizza

Okay, come on now DeJ! I like Italian food! I don't want to be scared of it! This is a different kind of pizza nightmare than the time I ate those anchovy slices really late at night... but that's another story.

So, what's the story of this song? Well, it plays out like your typical modern-day hip hop song: meaningless violence. But this one also interjects personal connections to try and compensate:

I been out my mind since they killed my cousin
Free my cousin Devin man, he just called me

See, now it looks like we're going to get a little more personal about DeJ's family relations and...

All these niggas love me, can't get 'em off me

Or... not.

Look, I get that you're trying to fit in with the boys and brag about how much of a sex goddess you are... but you're better than that, DeJ. Or maybe not, this seems about par for the course from what I've heard. I don't know. So, does anyone want to hear about my pizza nightmare?

Hot 100 Success:

Will she have it?

I guess so. I mean, there's no reason she wouldn't. This certainly isn't worse than all the rap songs currently in the Top 50.

Should she have it?

I'd say no, but the violent lyrics over the calming tone kind of worries me a little for my own safety. So I'm going to go ahead and say "yes" instead. Make of that what you will, but I don't wanna be fuckin' around! Heads will roll... in spaghetti. And pizza. Don't eat anchovies before bed. Or at all, really. Gross.

Remembrance Day

Hi, folks. No CanTunes Tuesday from me today. Instead, I'd like to bring attention to something else. Today is November 11th. The day where Canadians honour those who have fought and fallen in battle. I don't have much to say on this front except my utmost respect goes out to these brave men and women who risk their lives so that I may have the freedom to do what I do. With that, I'd like to leave you with a song to remind you to be grateful for the freedoms you have, and for the people that provide those freedoms for you:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2kX_3y3u5Uo

Lest We Forget.

"I'm Not the Only One" - Sam Smith

Hey, anyone remember that Sam Smith kid? I reviewed his song "Stay With Me". Remember how I thought he was going to be interesting, and I was intrigued? Well... zzzzzzzzzzzz.

Look, he's a nice kid. But the musical choices he makes... they're just so horrendously dull. I mean, they're nice enough. If it played on an easy-listening station I could see why. But it's just so... eugh, it's just not my style at all.

The kid is twenty-two years old. This stuff is way too heavy for him! You can tell because his lyrics are so vague. Okay, it's about a woman cheating on her husband. And there are interesting ideas here, but they're just not developed.

For months on end I've had my doubts
Denying every tear

There! That was an interesting idea! Symbolism! Roll with that! Take it somewhere!

I wish this would be over now
But I know that I still need you here

Well... tears... wishy-washiness... no, I'm not going to let it slide.

The song is too slow. And no, I don't expect breakup songs to be full of pep and joy. Lord knows I don't condone that with 60's rock n' roll jams. But if you're not going to interest me musically, then interest me lyrically. Look at what he did with "Stay With Me". The guy had me bouncing off the walls because of his batshit insane ideas! This is more low-key, and if you're going to do that with both the lyrics and the music, then I start to tune out just a little.

Okay, you're sad. But you also still want her. I've heard this before. You need to bring something new if you're going to be this droning about it. Sam Smith actually has a nice voice, admittedly, but this slow, sad melody isn't enough to carry this tired, trudged-through-the-snow subject matter. I'm sorry.

The piano sounds nice at the beginning, but nothing evolves from it. It's the same thing over and over, maybe with some strings thrown in... it just doesn't work for me! Objectively, I guess it's a good piece of music. But personally, I'd rather listen to

That. 22 Jump Street has the power to drastically change opinions, people. Consider that next time you write a song, Sam Smith. Plan out your endorsements.

Flashback Friday: "Everybody" - Tommy Roe (1963)

It's time to jive! Or... rock and roll! Or... chew some bubble gum! Okay, I'm clueless on 60's slang, let's just get to the music.

This is Tommy Roe, superstar rock n' roll artist of the early 60's, with his song, "Everybody". Now let's take a look at the lyrical content:

Everybody, everybody, everybody's had a broken heart now

Whoa, hold on a second. I'm having a flashback of my own... to the earliest days of my blog...

http://ericspopmusicreviews.blogspot.ca/2013/10/thisflashback-friday-were-taking-it.html

Once I listened to this song, I near-instantly drew parallels to a great jam of the 70's I covered in the first month of my blog: "Everybody Plays the Fool" by The Main Ingredient. This has sort of the same message, but a strikingly different approach as well.

"Everybody Plays the Fool" played the topic of heartbreak sympathetically and earnestly: acknowledging that yes, in fact, love sometimes sucks for everyone, and it's okay to feel sad, because others have felt the same way. This song, on the other hand... does not do that. Not only is the song oddly upbeat, especially for its subject matter, but it also adds in this lyric:

One time or other everybody listen to me, you lose somebody you love
But that's no reason for you to break down and cry

Stop crying! Everybody goes through this in their lives! You're no special snowflake!

He doesn't actually even give a reason why you shouldn't cry, it's just "hey, stop being a whiny bitch". Not quite as vulgar, but you get the gist.

And while I do appreciate the upbeat tone of the song, it plays out too optimistically for me at the same time. I much prefer The Main Ingredient's realistic assessment of heartbreak to this. This song seems almost detached from reality. What were some of his other songs? "Your Grandma's Dead, But Get Over It"?

I don't know. For me, I'll be sticking with the heartbreak songs that depict actual heartbreak. Sorry, Tommy Roe. You just need a little more soul, in more ways than one.

Watch-for-it Wednesday: "Secrets" - Mary Lambert

Hey, did you know that the wife of Blake Shelton has never had a Billboard hit?

Yeah, it's weird! I thought for sure that this was on the year-end chart last year... oh wait. Mary Lambert? Who's that again?

Oh, the "Same Love" girl. Okay, well it's true that she hasn't had a Billboard hit on her own yet. So maybe this'll be her first! This is called "Secrets".

Emanating from the veins of Sara Bareilles, Mary Lambert's newest hit appears to be your typical white girl piano pop jam on the outside. But it goes a little deeper than that, revealing Mary Lambert's insecurities about herself through song. Then she breaks free in the chorus, saying that she doesn't care if people know her secrets. The act of self-empowerment is strong here.

However, I just can't find myself any musical reasons to like this. I've never been a fan of the whole Sara Bareilles genre, and this is exactly what Mary Lambert sounds like to me. Except she doesn't go very far with the vocals. I get what she's trying to do, but it doesn't work for me. A mashup of styles that's a little too weird for my tastes.

But at least this song's trying to send a heartfelt message. It's been done before, but never, I think, so directly before. Mary Lambert just comes out swinging in the first line:

I've got bi-polar disorder
My shit's not in order

There's an element of respect I can give to opening lines like this. No pussyfooting around the issues of the song, just straight-up say it. Good for you, Mary. Good for you.

Hot 100 Success:

Will she have it?

In case no one has noticed, the Hot 100 as of late has been female-dominated at the top. Do they have room for another? Well, given the trends, I think Mary Lambert will do at least reasonably well with this song.

Should she have it?

Sure, I'll throw her a bone. Despite my personal non-preference of the musical choices she made, it's still an original song with great lyrics, which is something we rarely get these days. Count me on the Mary Lambert bandwagon for now. If she can knock Jason Derulo out of the Top 20, all the better. Seriously, he needs to go. Fast.

CanTunes Tuesday: "Giant in My Heart" - Kiesza

You know, somehow, Kiesza's "Hideaway" became popular without actually becoming popular.

What I mean is the video has accumulated over a hundred million views in the past eight months, yet the song has failed to crack the top 50 of the Hot 100. Oh, well. Here's Kiesza's latest entry on the Canadian charts, "Giant in My Heart".

This song, I feel, is a much stronger output than "Hideaway". While "Hideaway" has the tendency to become repetitive, this song has just enough going on with it that it doesn't evoke that feeling at all. "Giant in My Heart" also feels a lot darker and more realistic than "Hideaway". I actually feel authentic emotion I can connect to. And that raw emotion is just exemplified with this awesome music video.

The music video stars a man who feels overwhelmed and stressed by his everyday job, receiving no respect and no escape. That is, until he decides to put on a wig and dress to go clubbing with his friends. I like this video because it helps to normalize the idea of cross-dressing. It's no different than going bowling with your friends to blow off some steam. You do you, oppressed white-collar worker.

The tensions accumulate as he attacks these douchebags that keep yelling at him, and puts on his clothes to go out with his friends during the workday. The song doesn't quite have that level of climax, but it bounces throughout with this desperate-sounding tone.

What's the point of going through
All the pain I'm in with you
What am I supposed to do
In my heart there's only you
Baby I can't lose you

The song and the video tell different narratives, but they are unified by a central theme of feeling trapped, either by your own love or by pressures at work. Not being over someone isn't the most original of song topics, but the tone makes it work. So this song honestly has me excited for what Kiesza might come out with next. I kind of wish her popularity would fully cross over the border a la Drake and Carly Rae Jepsen, but if we're meant to keep her, then so be it.

"Trumpets" - Jason Derulo

Jason Derulo is having his most successful year since 2010. This must be stopped.

And to make matters worse, he's trying to ruin all musical instruments one by one! He ruined the saxophone in "Talk Dirty", the recorder in "Wiggle" (though to be fair, that one was already ruined for me by having to practice it in elementary school, but I digress), and now the trumpet in "Trumpets"!

As is par for the course with Jason Derulo, this is another sleazy R&B song reducing the women Jason Derulo has sexual affairs with to a pile of meat. Seriously, listen to the lyrics. Not one of them goes much deeper than:

Every single one of them is a... for lack of a better term, let's say a "compliment"... on this woman's physical anatomy. And I really shouldn't be angry at this point, but I am. Because this one actually sounds like Jason Derulo is trying to make this into a love song. There's the quiet piano opening, and then there's Jason trying to create sweet-sounding vocals. (Spoiler: He fails miserably.) And it never crosses into a purposefully sleazy-sounding song like "Talk Dirty or "Wiggle". In this way, I think this is actually the worst of the three, because it shows more than either of the previous two just how incompetent Jason Derulo is at writing anything to fit the mood he's trying to create.

And it would be one thing if these shallow "compliments" actually made sense. But I really hope you don't give Derulo more credit than he deserves.

Is it weird that your ass
Remind me of a Kanye West song?
Kanye West song

What the hell...?

So I looked it up on Rap Genius, and apparently the song he's referencing is "Amazing". That's not funny. That's needlessly complicated. What else you got, Derulo?

Is it weird that your bra
Remind me of a Katy Perry song?

Okay, stop that right there. First off, did you seriously run out of compliments for her body, so now you're moving on to her lingerie? Even for you, that's trying very little. Second, again, what the hell are you talking about?!

"Part of Me"? "California Gurls"? "Firework"? "Teenage Dream"?! Oh my God, I'm not wasting any more time on this.

Every time that you get undressed
I hear symphonies in my head

Wow, that's right up there with "Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?" as one of the most romantic opening lines in history. Seriously, he's not even trying to hide his hollow lust! Look at this next line:

I wrote this song just looking at you

Just looking at you. Not listening to you, or trying to understand you, or even loving you. Just looking at you.

(I apologize to any Casablanca fans.)

Slowly, Jason Derulo is actually regressing, which I didn't think was possible, but here we are. This is Derulo's worst song yet, and now I don't even have any hope out for the notion that they can't get worse. I'm now certain that Derulo has the power to make it happen. And with great power, apparently, comes great douchebaggery. And bad music. And out-of-place trumpets. Seriously, get out of the song. you're only hurting your reputation. Uggh.