Flashback Friday: "It's My Life" - No Doubt (2003)

Boy, I sure do a lot of cover songs here, don't I?

I'd let you in on my systematic approach to determine what songs I choose to review, but then I'd have to kill you. So, with that morbid thought in mind, let's dive in!

Okay, so let's look at the original version first. "It's My Life" was originally recorded by Talk Talk, a British synthpop band from 1984. This version had a lot of wild animals in the video, for some reason. And while this is passable, it doesn't really do much to differentiate itself from other synthpop of that era. It also doesn't pack enough of a punch, in my opinion.

So, enter No Doubt with their version. While this version packs more of a punch than the original, I feel like the song itself is simply not strong enough for No Doubt. They really try to give it all they have, but there's only so much you can do with this song. Gwen Stefani especially seems restrained by this. Hey, at least the video makes a lot more sense.

I love No Doubt. I think they're a tour de force of all different genres, from punk to new wave to reggae. But covering a mediocre 1980's synthpop song? Not one of their strongest efforts.

"Team" - Lorde

Well, someone broke free of one-hit-wonder status.

With her second top ten hit, it looks like Lorde isn't going away. Good or bad thing? Well, I was kind of ambivalent-to-negative about "Royals", but as the year went by the song grew on me. I'd now say I'm ambivalent-to-positive about it. But this song? Well, how can I put it? It's just...

Awesome!

I finally get the hype around Lorde. In a world full of blandness and stupidity in pop music, "Team" is a breath of fresh air, with an interesting, beautiful production. Far more interesting than "Royals", might I add.

It really is a fantastic song from beginning to end. It starts out with these dark-sounding vocals, and then as the drum beat kicks in, the full potential of Lorde's vocals are heard. This girl can sing, kids. And I mean "girl" quite literally. She's 17 what the hell.

Yeah, I'm totally impressed by this. If I had to nitpick just one thing, the line here

I'm kind of over getting told to throw my hands up in the air, so there

is a little too reminiscent of her complaining about popular music in "Royals", but even this works for me more so than the jabs in "Royals", because hell, I'm a little sick of being told to throw my hands up in the air. Awaiting the single where Lorde denounces the word "shawty".

I'm so glad to finally have a great song to review in 2014. Here's to a year of greatness, courtesy of Lorde and other talented artists to come.

Flashback Friday: "Lose My Breath" - Destiny's Child (2004)

Hey look, it's Beyoncé!

In 2003, Beyoncé released her debut single "Crazy in Love". That single became so popular that it solidified Beyoncé as a solo artist with staying power, and broke her free of the frontwoman for Destiny's Child.

But she still kept ties with the band through 2004, as they scored two more top ten hits with "Lose My Breath" and "Soldier". I'll be focusing on the former today.

...

I don't like Beyoncé.

Yeah, I said it! I think she's massively overrated and worse, massively full of herself. And those two components are a dangerous combination. People always poke fun at Kanye West for being full of himself, and don't get me wrong, it's well-deserved. But nobody ever seems to target Beyoncé for the same thing. Why, just look at these lyrics from "Irreplaceable":

You must not know 'bout me
You must not know 'bout me
I can have another you in a minute

Matter fact, he'll be here in a minute

Wow, Beyoncé! Thank you for taking this breakup extremely well, just because you're Beyoncé!

And with my opinion of Beyoncé as a whole in mind, we venture into "Lose My Breath". This song is stupid.

It starts off okay, I guess, with a powerful, sexually driven chorus. But then we get into the verses, and I just start tuning out.

Oooooooh
I put it right there, made it easy for you to get toooooooo
Now you wanna act like ya don't know what to doooooooo
After I done everything that you asked me
Grabbed you, grind you, liked you, tried you

Moved so fast baby now I can't find you

Incompetent male! You are no match for the towering she-wolf that is Beyoncé!

No, seriously. Look at the next part of the verse.

Oooooooh
I'm startin' to believe that I'm way too much for yoooooou
All that talk but it seems like it can't come throoooooough
All them lies like you could satisfy me,
Now I see where believing you got me

Gave you the wheel, but you can't drive me

Yep. And the subtext makes its way into the text. And uh, this song just got a whole less sexy and a lot more disappointing. Another thing about Beyoncé is she seems to make it a point to trash any man she can get in any of her songs. And let's not beat around the bush here, okay? Destiny's Child songs are Beyoncé songs, much like Black Eyed Peas songs are will.i.am/Fergie duets.

Basically, this song is the angriest one night stand ever. But hey, that's just one verse. Surely the other two girls of Destiny's Child can deliver. Here's Kelly:

Oooooooh
Two things I don't like when I tryin' to get my groooooove
Is a partna that meets me only half way and just can't proooooove
Take me out so deep when you know you can't swim

Wait, that was only one thing. You just went into a different part of the verse without the second thing... oh, just forget it.

Need a lifeguard and I need protection

You... need protection? Like, as in condoms? Did this guy knock you up? Highly unlikely, since spilling this narrative would cause any mood to go down.


To put it on me deep in the right direction

The right direction? What, is he going butt first?

Didn't mama teach you to give affection?

...

Didn't mama teach you to give affection?

Oedipus called, and even he's grossed out. Michelle? Slay me. Please.

If you can't make me say ooh

Like the beat of this drum

Drums don't go "ooh". I don't know what instrument you have a drum confused with.

They give her five lines, and two of them are the same as two others. Bravo, Michelle. Star power, right there.

Fuck this song. It's not sexy, it's not enjoyable, it's not anything except a hot mess. Only one thing left to say:

Baby you are dismissed, dismissed, dismissed, dismissed, dismissed, dismissed, dismissed

Gladly, I'm out.

"Burn" - Ellie Goulding

In 2012, Ellie Goulding broke into the mainstream American pop chart with a song called "Lights".

I loved this song. I loved everything about this song. It was interesting, it was well put together, and Ellie Goulding's voice was heavenly.

Then she started to lose me. I found "Anything Could Happen" annoying and "I Need Your Love" boring. It broke my heart, honestly. Was I wrong in seeing something in this girl? Then her third single "Burn" came out.

And that is currently Goulding's most popular song, sitting pretty in the Top 20. So, what's the verdict? Is Ellie Goulding finally back?

We, we don't have to worry 'bout nothing

'Cause we got the fire, and we're burning one hell of a something

Well, I hate to say that the lyrics leave a lot to be desired. I mean, here's the thesis. There's a fire, and it's burning, and we're gonna let it burn. That's almost the entire chorus.

'Cause we got the fire, fire, fire

Yeah we got the fire, fire, fire

And we gonna let it burn, burn, burn, burn

We gonna let it burn, burn, burn, burn

Gonna let it burn, burn, burn, burn

We gonna let it burn, burn, burn, burn

Ugh, boring. But the song's not all bad. I do think that Ellie Goulding's vocals do it justice, as does the production. I just wish there was more interesting subject matter. Fire is such an overused metaphor, and this song doesn't even expand on it that much. Fire is energy. Don't stop the energy, even if others don't understand. Yay?

It's just kind of flimsy, that's all. While it's Goulding's best song since "Lights", it's still not up to par with her first Hot 100 single.

Flashback Friday: "Fever" - The McCoys (1965)

Wanna know how you know a song is good? When artists from all different genres are clamoring to cover it.

Here's the original version of "Fever", recorded by Little Willie John in 1956. Since then, it's been covered by a slew of artists, including Madonna, Ray Charles, and Michael Bublé. Here, I've decided to go with one of the most successful versions to look at, the 1965 cover by The McCoys.

I can honestly understand why this one made it big. It seemed to capture the mood of the song the most successfully, even more so than the original, I think. It's got this bluesy, jazzy feel, sultry and sexy. Just the way I like my fevers.

But are the lyrics any good? After all, if people decided to cover Justin Bieber's "Baby", that wouldn't make it any less terrible (though it would make me weep for humanity). Let's take a look:

Never know how much I love you
Never know how much I care
When you put your arms around me
I get a fever that's so hard to bear

A fever's one of those metaphors that kind of makes sense, but not quite. If you were to take it a little more literally, wouldn't it mean "you make me sick"? Though that can still work, with "lovesick" being a thing. It's a well-used metaphor, I guess.

There's only one part in the song where I think the lyrics falter a bit:

Everybody's got the fever
That is somethin' you all know
Fever isn't such a new thing

Fever started long time ago

Well, the fever she gave you certainly seems less special now.

This is still a great song, though. Simple, powerful, and fun to listen to. What more can you expect out of a pop song? Stop being so greedy.

"Dark Horse" - Katy Perry ft. Juicy J

One of my first posts on this website trashed new Katy Perry. One of my next posts trashed old Katy Perry. But the thing is, I don't hate Katy Perry. Those were just bad songs. I don't think she's anything special, but she's certainly not the worst pop artist out there. And when she delivers, she does pretty well. So to try and even the score, let's take a look at Katy Perry's newest hit, "Dark Horse".

I actually like Katy Perry's performance a lot. I think there's a lot of emotion here. It's also pretty sexy-sounding. Can you not say "sex" on the Internet? Or am I thinking of radio?

But it's not perfect, either. Juicy J's rap verse leaves a lot, and I mean a lot to be desired:

Shawty’s heart was on steroids

Cause her love was so strong

Take you a while to come up with that one, J?

I also don't agree with some production elements of the song. The chorus ends each time with a male voice droning "there's no going back", which I think really throws it off. And the chorus at the end builds up to nothing. Maybe a repeat of it would have been nice.

But it really is Katy Perry who shines here, and makes the song worthwhile. I actually think this is her best vocal performance. It's sultry, sexy, yet controlled. Sure is a contrast from the ball of nothingness that was "Roar". Even if I do have problems with the song, it takes risks, and I enjoy risky pop music. That risk factor alone makes it better than "Roar" or even "Unconditionally", a passable song. It might have been worth it for Katy Perry to come back after all.

Flashback Friday: "Hot Boyz" - Missy "Misdemeanor" Elliott ft. Nas, Eve, & Q-Tip (2000)

Today, we dive into a musical breed that is few and far between: the female rapper.

Nope, nope, nope.

Instead, let's take it back to early 2000, when Missy Elliott had one of her biggest hits with "Hot Boyz".

Now, I think it's great that females are represented in this genre, though considerably less than males. Rap music in general has been widely criticized for its misogynist lyrics. So when you bring a female into the mix, the formula gets turned on its head. I mean, the title of the song is "Hot Boyz". It's not that hard to figure out what this is about.

A hot boy, a rock boy, on top boy

And I like those

Yeah. But the curious thing about the remix of this song, which is the one that gained popularity on Billboard, is that it also has male rappers. And I think that's great, because it provides a balance. I definitely think it would be better if more male rappers featured female ones. It would provide a good, two-side-of-the-story narrative in a lot of rap songs. Not to say that one-side narratives don't work, but I'd like to see more of the former.

Anyway, this song is pretty good. Not excellent. I'm not really blown away by anything, but it's certainly better than a lot of rap these days. Word up. 

"Let Her Go" - Passenger

Welcome to 2014, everybody! Let's kick off the year with excitement, enjoyment, enthusiasm! Let's kick it off with "Let Her Go" by Passenger!

Oh God, this is boring.

I'm sorry: what's with the barrage of boring songs lately? Are these songs somehow resonating with people? Because all they're doing with me is putting me to sleep.

Not that the song's a total loss. Some of the lyrics are nice, particularly in the chorus:

But you only need the light when it's burning low
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow

Only know you love her when you let her go

I don't really hate this song. It's boring, but it's not dreadfully boring like "Say Something". It's just kind of there. And besides, there is one thing that makes the song stand out: the lilting quality of this guy's voice.

Okay, no, it doesn't even have that. This guy sounds like a cartoon character.

How am I supposed to take any of this seriously when Whitey from Eight Crazy Nights is narrating it? That's a technical foul. (By the way, I did see this movie and it was pretty freakin' awful but also a massive guilty pleasure.) No, no. Now that I think about it, this song is getting worse by the second. This is like the male version of "Wrecking Ball", but somehow even less attached to any emotion.

Oh... God. I don't even know what else to say. I wanted to start off 2014 with a bang, I really did. But if this is where we're headed with popular music... well, be prepared for a snoozefest.

Top 10 Songs of 2013

You know, I like current music too.

I mean, let's be honest here: this wouldn't be any fun if I didn't. I would never get my hopes up. I'd just be a jaded, cynical bastard with a pointless blog. Well, it might be too late for that, but just to show I'm not always a cynic, here's my Top 10 Songs of 2013.

10. "I Will Wait" - Mumford & Sons

AND I WILL WAIT, I WILL WAIT FOR YOU

(mutha fuckin banjo solo)

Well, dust my trousers and pump my boots, it's time for a good old-fashioned hoedown. And who better to do it in this day than Mumford & Sons? This band personifies energy. It's so much fun to listen to them. I'd talk about them more, but I have to sing along.


RAIIIIISE MYYYYYY HAAAAANDS

9. "Locked Out of Heaven" - Bruno Mars

Speaking of personifying energy...

AW YEAH YEAH, AW YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH... UNH


Yeah, I'm sorry. I might be singing along to these songs more than reviewing them, but I'll try my best to keep my composure. But god damn, this song rocks. I definitely hear The Police's influence in here, but Bruno Mars takes the throbbing guitar of "Roxanne" and turns it on its head with a song about sheer desperation and passion for sex. That is awesome. Roxanne, put on the green light and go, go listen to this and pump yourself up for the rest of the day.

8. "Mirrors" - Justin Timberlake

No matter what I think of "Holy Grail", this was an excellent year for JT, based on three words: Twenty. Twenty. Experience. Welcome back, Justin Timberlake.

Two songs were released from this album that made the Year-End Chart. Focusing on this song, it's beautiful.

'Cause I don't wanna lose you now
I'm lookin' right at the other half of me


This is just my opinion, but it does not get much sweeter than that. And it maintains this sweetness all the way through, without being too syrupy. "Mirrors" is a perfect example of why we needed Justin Timberlake back, but there's an even more perfect example to come...

7. "Applause" - Lady Gaga

Whilst Katy Perry tried to roar but came back with a whimper, Lady Gaga came back for the applause, and damn, did she deserve it with this song. What a burst of energy. The song never dies, and while that can be overbearing, Lady Gaga does it with such charm and sass that you can't help but applaud, Especially since she's commanding you to applaud. You'd better put those hands up and make them touch.

6. "Can't Hold Us" - Macklemore & Ryan Lewis ft. Ray Dalton

If "Thrift Shop" was Macklemore's goofy novelty song to grab the attention of the public, then "Can't Hold Us" was the song to solidify him as an artist with serious talent and staying power. This is a fantastic rap song, with an exciting flow, great lyrics, killer beat, and Ray Dalton's melodic, charming voice to handle the chorus. This is the type of rap song that every rapper should aspire to. Macklemore has so much talent and intelligence that it's not even fair.

5. "Suit & Tie" - Justin Timberlake ft. Jay-Z

Did I mention that I'm totally thrilled that Justin Timberlake came back this year? Why do I love this and have disdain for "Holy Grail"? Let me show you a few things:


Justin and Jay-Z are magic together when they're unbelievably cocky together, not whiny. Yeah, Justin and Jay-Z singing about how great their lives are because they're awesome? Now that's something that I believe. And they pull this off with the utmost of class. The dreamlike production, the horns, the vocals, the rap verse. It all flows together so flawlessly. Justin and Jay-Z are equally good on this for the same reason: they're awesome and they know it. And everyone else better know it too.

4. "My Songs Know What You Did in the Dark (Light Em Up)" - Fall Out Boy

Wow, you couldn't fit that title on the side of a truck. But who cares? Justin Timberlake's not the only one I was thrilled to see coming back. And Fall Out Boy came back swinging. This is my favourite Fall Out Boy song. It's got so much energy and power, and it just gets up in your face and demands you to listen. That's something that wasn't there with any other Fall Out Boy song, and I respect it. The constant barrage of fire throughout the song just gets me going. Oh hell, I can't help myself.


I'M ON FYAAAAAAHHHHH

3. "Get Lucky" - Daft Punk ft. Pharrell Williams

Now this is the disco throwback featuring Pharrell that should have been the song of the summer. Unfortunately, like many songs that summer, it was chartblocked by Barfed Lines and only made it to the #2 spot. So I'm calling it the #3 song of 2013 to restore justice. I mean, do I even need to say anything? This is so catchy that I could be up all night just to listen to this song. It's not like it's a deep song. It's a song about sex and partying. But goddamn, is this a classy-sounding party, even if the repeated lyric is "we're up all night to get lucky". Hell, you guys go ahead and get laid. You deserve it.

2. "Heart Attack" - Demi Lovato

Around June of last year, I went through a Demi Lovato phase. But as this list shows, it wasn't for nothing. I. Love. This. Girl. Not only is she an inspiration to girls around the world with her heartbreaking story, but she makes the best music from an ex-Disney star I have ever heard in my life. They struck gold when they discovered her. And nowhere is it more prevalent than in "Heart Attack". Demi is giving it all she's got, and it shows big time. Fuck, this song is so good. I'm just happy I got to listen to it again to compare and contrast with 99 other songs. But even Demi can't beat out the #1 song of 2013, which is...

1. "Same Love" - Macklemore & Ryan Lewis ft. Mary Lambert

God bless Macklemore. Of all the popular artists of 2013, he was the one that took the most risks. But more importantly, he took the most risks that paid off. I honestly could not bear to have another song top my list of 2013. There's no way that any song was riskier, more poignant, more meaningful, and more likely to bring about change than this one. Mary Lambert's vocals in the chorus are the icing on the already delicious cake.

Some people don't like this song because it has cheesy lyrics.

America the brave still fears what we don't know
And God loves all his children, is somehow forgotten
But we paraphrase a book written thirty-five-hundred years ago
I don't know

If you preach hate at the service those words aren't anointed
That holy water that you soak in has been poisoned

When kids are walking 'round the hallway plagued by pain in their heart
A world so hateful some would rather die than be who they are

Yeah. So cheesy. So distant from emotion.


I will defend this song until the day I die. It has so rightfully claimed the best song of 2013, and maybe of the decade so far. Thanks for reading! I'll be back next week as we crack into the hits of this year.