CanTunes Tuesday: "Up We Go" - Lights

Let's go back up to Canada and check out "Up We Go".

This is Lights, an electropop singer from Ontario. She's had a few hits here in the past, but nothing really that's crossed over the border. And this... is no exception. Oh well. How's the song?

It's... certainly more "pop" than most of her electropop stuff.

What I liked about Lights was that she sounded different. Dark and brooding over a soft electro beat, like in "Drive My Soul". This doesn't sound much like Lights to me.

I mean, there's nothing wrong with the song. It's perfectly serviceable. But for such a different artist to release something so same-sounding... it's a little disheartening, not gonna lie.

Lights hasn't had a hit in a while, even in Canada. So maybe this is her stab at trying to stay relevant? Unfortunately, I think she should have just stayed Lights, because I can imagine hearing this from just about any electro artist.

Like I said, it's not a bad song. It's just a very underwhelming song from a great artist. It's not what I expect from Lights. Sorry, folks. This doesn't go anywhere for me except Okaytown. In fact, I think I'll go there and see how the townsfolk are doing. Probably just okay, as usual, but it's worth checking out.

"Don't Tell 'Em" - Jeremih ft. YG

Well, I guess I was wrong. Rap's not dead, guys! Here we are with a new honest-to-god rap song in the Top 10! Fear not, rap lovers! Your saviour goes by the name of... Jeremih.

Yeah, that Jeremih. The kind of guy that you sorta knew, and was sorta on your radar, but didn't really seem cool enough to stick around, at all... but for some reason, he did! And now here we are in 2014 with a new Jeremih song, "Don't Tell 'Em".

Rhythm is a dancer

Um... uh...

And it's not just the one line he rips off. The first half of the chorus is structured around this song's melody. But I like the melody, and I suppose I could forgive it if they did something interesting with it... wait, who's that on the beat?

Mustard on the beat, ho

Okay, never mind.

Actually, I kind of get why Jeremih wanted DJ Mustard to do the beat for this song. "Finally," he thought. "Finally, someone in the music business with less personality than me!"

Of course, that's like saying a bale of hay has more personality than a bale of straw. Jeremih is a good name for this guy, because of the way it's spelled, I can just pronounce it "Jere-meh" and I doubt many people will bat an eye.

I know I said that rap in general doesn't show signs of making a comeback, but this reaching the Top 10 really, really baffles me. Did people seriously want Jeremih back? Was this what the public was craving?

God, this song is so boring! Isn't there someone on this track who can liven things up?

YG: Throw it up 9-3-4, 8-6-1-6

I got a missed call from your bitch

Nah, there's nobody.

Granted, YG is the liveliest person on this track, but he's kind of like the bay of hale with a needle in it, in terms of personality. It's not a very sharp needle, either.

Three boring people making boring music, but somehow it resonates with the American people. What, was music just getting too interesting for you guys? I don't get it. This is the type of song that maybe cracks the Top 50 and leaves almost immediately. This is the type of song that really shouldn't become popular...

But, apparently, this is the type of song that does. Whatever. I don't get it, and I don't know if I want to.

Flashback Friday: "Popcorn" - Hot Butter (1972)

*munch munch* Hey, do you guys want some popcorn?

Okay, you guys enjoy this song while I eat my chips.

"Popcorn", the song, originally started out as an instrumental by electronic music pioneer Gershon Kingsley.

I gotta say, I like this version a lot better. Not only is it amazing electronic music for its time, but it's a little more subdued than the Hot Butter version. The Hot Butter version is a little more annoying, and gets more repetitive. This has a nice flow and a nicer atmosphere.

Anyway, why is this called "Popcorn"? It actually comes from the two words separately, "pop" for pop music and "corn" for... well, being corny. And I suppose in that regard Hot Butter does a better job. Their version definitely seems like more of a novelty.

And speaking of novelties, anyone remember this thing?

I never, ever understood the Crazy Frog thing, and I still don't. But if you did, and you were a huge fan, you'd know that Crazy Frog also covered this song.

Now the instrumental is actually pretty good, but then you've got the beeping and the booping also coming out of the frog, and... I don't know, it's just really weird and off-putting to me. Always has been.

So overall, I'd actually peg the original version as the best, and I also wouldn't really call myself a fan of the Hot Butter version. It seems to suck a lot of the mood out of the original that I really enjoy, and plays out more like a novelty act than a song. Which, when you get right down to their name, almost seems like they existed solely to cover this song...

Still, I gotta give 'em a little credit for making some of the first electronic music that got popular. That's pretty impressive. I only wish Gershon Kingsley's version was more popular, and... damn it, Crazy Frog.

Watch-for-it Wednesday: "Waves" - Mr. Probz

You know, for quite some time now, Wednesdays on this blog have been the bane of my existence, not gonna lie. It's just been either crappy country or crappy rap for the past month now. Things have gotta change soon, right?

Hallelujah.

Now here's a song that actually deserves popularity. It's a beautiful, touching song that actually has some authentic emotion mixed into it, unlike most of the tripe I've had to review this day of the week recently. So, who is Mr. Probz?

Well, Mr. Probz hails from the Netherlands, and this single was actually released in 2013. It became popular in the Netherlands, but nowhere else, really. Then this year, Robin Schulz remixed it, and it became internationally recognized.

I definitely prefer the stripped-down original version, and it's kind of sad that people apparently can't dissect songs like this anymore without an electronic remix. This version sucks the soul out of the original. Whatever happened to classic instruments? And where's my walker, goddangit?

Ugh, let's go back to the original. It's a shame that the soul had to be sucked out of this for it to become popular. Story of the music industry today, I guess. How disappointing.

But at least there was this original version, and I had the pleasure of listening to it and sharing it with those of you who haven't. It really is a beautiful song. Played slowly and carefully, like... like calm waves making their way to shore. Wow. Okay, I guess that was on purpose, but still... wow.

Hot 100 Success:

Will he have it?

We're long overdue for a song like this. Even if it is with the Robin Schulz version, I see a future for this guy and this song.

Should he have it?

In a musical era where emotion is usually forgotten, this guy brings it back in a big way. We not only need him, we need more artists like him.

CanTunes Tuesday: "What Are You Waiting For?" - Nickelback

Sometimes, when you choose to do something with your life, there's a project that's expected of you. Since becoming a Canadian music reviewer, I've kept a close eye on this project, waiting for these guys to show up on the Billboard charts. And the time has come.

Talk about your selling out. And then let's talk about Chad Kroeger, who takes the very idea of "selling out" to a whole new level. I mean, Jesus. Who put him up to this? Avril Lavigne?

By the way, I think her and Chad are headed for Splitsville soon. Anyway, back to the song and why it sucks.

First off, it's Nickelback, so it's always gonna have that aura of "suck" to it. But this is different. This isn't just Nickelback. This is pop-ified Nickelback. To which I ask.... why?

Did... did not enough people buy your last album? Did you really feel that this is what you had to do to win your crowd of fans back? Because this is what I call "alienating a fanbase".

Chad Kroeger's usually a mess when he sings, but my God, is he especially unbearable here. And I'll tell you why: When his gargling-chainsaw voice isn't just singing to you, and it's singing to you about clichés, then we have hit rock bottom. I mean, listen to some of these lyrics and tell me how much Nickelback was trying.

You gotta go and reach for the top
Believe in every dream that you got
You're only living once so tell me
What are you, what are you waiting for?

And as Chad Kroeger consults his list of "proverbs that Full House would have rejected as too sappy", he comes up with the chorus.

I mean, my God, man. I kind of want you to go back to being a douchebag. At least then there was an energy to your music, though an unpleasant one. This is... just... awful. It's something that you would only play at a really low volume in the dentist's office, so low that people don't even recognize it as Nickelback. Which is always a plus. 

...

OH BY THE WAY GUYS YOU ALREADY HAD THIS SONG

Sucked then and it sucks now. Actually, I can't decide which stinks more: the song, or the roadkill on Kroeger's head. All I'm saying is, if he has to go with a bad hairstyle, I prefer the Jesus/Joan Osborne look on that front. In any case though, Nickelback really blows.

I mean, I just... I don't even know what to say anymore. Before, I could at least respect Nickelback a little for sticking to what they do, but now I can't even praise them for that. There is nothing left to praise about Nickelback. We've reached end of the line, Kroeger. I can't stick up for you anymore.

What are you waiting for?

A bus. A bus to take me far away from here so I never have to hear this song again. That's what I'm waiting for. Oh, here it comes. Goodbye, Nickelback! Goodbye, creepy Chavril romance! Seriously, that shit's ending.

"Boom Clap" - Charli XCX

Cue boom.

Cue clap.

Am I doing it right?

So in addition to Iggy Azalea becoming a household name, Charli XCX has made quite a name for herself this year as well, most notably singing the chorus on "Fancy" and singing this song, which was the first single off of the The Fault in Our Stars soundtrack. So, how has Charli evolved into her little pop world from not caring and loving it?

Well, while this new song isn't really anything I haven't heard before, I still kinda like it. I actually like the vocal performance better on the verses than on the chorus, which kind of makes me think that Charli XCX should try toning it down more often. Hell, maybe even release a ballad, just to mess with people's heads. The chorus, however, seems kind of lame to me. It just sort of meanders along without being nearly as punchy as "I Love It". At least it's better than "Fancy".

Now I haven't seen this movie or read the book (whoops, there goes the teenage girl fanbase I never had), so I can't tell you how well this song fits into the movie's soundtrack. That is, unless I go the cheap route and quickly consult Wikipedia!

Okay, The Fault in Our Stars... The Fault in Our Stars... okay, so a girl has cancer... attends a support group... another guy lost his leg to cancer... boom? Clap?

All right, I'm definitely not the right person to judge, but I don't see the connection between the movie and the song. Whatever. It's still a fun song that shows why Charli XCX deserves a spot in mainstream pop music. Boom, clap, this song ain't crap.

Flashback Friday: "Summer Girls" - LFO (1999)

Okay, so it's been a bit of a bad week, what with Nicki Minaj, Paul Anka, and bad country artist whose name doesn't matter. But I feel as though all that pain can be washed away with this wonderful song from 1999, "Summer Girls" by LFO.

This is poetry. No matter what you think of music, this is pure, unadulterated poetry.

New Kids On The Block had a bunch of hits
Chinese food makes me sick

This level of intellectualism in writing can only be matched by the great William Shakespeare... say, don't they reference The Bard at one point?

Billy Shakespeare wrote a whole bunch of sonnets

Wow. I'm sure if William Shakespeare was alive today, he would be honoured to be referenced in such a wonderful piece of lyricism. Called "Billy", no less, to roll with the times!

Okay, if we can talk seriously for a second, this song is terrible. But I love it anyway.

I'm pretty sure this is meant to be terrible, and it does that job very well. All the non sequiturs in this song just add up to a glorious mess. It almost reads like a parody of late 90's feel-good summer rock.

"And I want something else... to get me through this... Chinese food makin' me sick, baby, baby..."

This song just reeks of not caring, but in this song it's actually kind of funny because of how obvious it is. Like, this is the first draft of their song. They put no thought into editing or retooling it. Chinese food made them sick, and they called it a day.

Every time I hear a random line thrown into this narrative just for the sake of rhyming, I laugh my ass off.

You love hip hop and rock n roll
Dad took off when you were 4 years old

There was a good man named Paul Revere

...Paul Revere?

I feel much better baby when you're near

...oh, because it rhymes with "near"! Okay, it all makes sense now.

This song is just ridiculous in all the right ways. It's a slap in the face to those who like mindless summer jams by providing the most mindless summer jam possible. And as someone who likes those types of songs, I salute LFO for reaching that milestone. Say, what does LFO stand for anyway?

Lyte Funkie Ones? Oh, the story behind this group just gets better and better. I should just document these guys for the rest of my blog and forget about other artists. Wait... is one of them dead?

Oh... oh my. Well, uh... that got depressing fast. Rest in peace, Rich Cronin. Damn. I need a moment.

Watch-for-it Wednesday: "Sunshine & Whiskey" - Frankie Ballard

Okay, why won't country music leave this blog alone?

What do you want from me, new country music? Do you want me to change my opinion on you? Well I'm sorry, it's just not going to happen! You've had enough chances, now why won't you go to time out?! Oh, Supernanny!

*sigh* If only country musicians could have a "naughty spot". Anyway, this is Frankie Ballard's "Sunshine & Whiskey".

You hit me like fire, shot me like a bullet
Burned me up and down, no way to cool it

Yeah yeah yeah, okay, this guy's so dreamy that he gets more pussy than a crazy cat lady.

Indeed. "When did country music become too much like rap music?" Crazy Cat Lady asks in her wonderful language.

You know what I'm talking about. Bragging about the amount of pussy you're getting. And I know Frankie Ballard is at least trying to hide it behind his old-style country-boy charm, but it's not working. Even though he's only with one girl, it still comes off as a bragging song rather than a love song to me.

Body like an hourglass, sand on her feet
I can't help but stare cause I got the best seat

"Hey, guys! Look at the women I interact with! They're better than the women you interact with! Or treat like objects, whichever tickles your fancy, dudes!"

The song comes off as very insincere and cloying, which is definitely two things that good country music, or any music, really, should not be. Unfortunately, that's the type of shit we're getting, so that's the type of shit I have to put up with.

But every time you kiss me it's like sunshine and whiskey

There's an obligatory alcohol reference...

Out chilling on a beach with my sweet Georgia peach

Obligatory reference to a Southern state there... say, I wonder if... nah, they wouldn't.

I was slow driving south with the top drop down

Oh, good! Right on schedule! The driving reference! God, this song is a cookie cutter of modern country music. Except for one part which somehow pisses me off even more, and it comes right after that line:

Her hair in the wind, Tom Petty up loud

Oh yes, Tom Petty! I'm sure Tom Petty is where the inspiration for this vapid hack of a song! After all, it's not like he's actually a talented songwriter or anything, and thus should not be referenced anywhere in the vicinity of this terrible song!

God, this is like if Brokencyde referenced Nirvana in a song. It doesn't work at all. (Disclaimer: Please don't tell me if Brokencyde ever references Nirvana in one of their songs, because I don't want to know. I really don't.)

Overall, I think this song is terrible. Maybe not solely because of the song itself, but definitely for what it represents: a hollowed-out cookie cutter of what a once-great genre used to be. It's a sad time for country music. *tear*

Hot 100 Success:

Will he have it?

Country music in the Top 50 is still pretty scarce. I think this guy might have enough chisel-faced charm to pull off this hit, though. *sigh*

Should he have it?

Does a bear not shit in the woods? Well, I guess there's polar bears, and panda bears, but... you get the idea! No, he shouldn't. If you'll excuse me now, I need to listen to some Johnny Cash. I strongly urge you to do the same.

CanTunes Tuesday (Flashback): "Diana" - Paul Anka (1957)

Well, folks: sadly, the day has come: The Canadian Hot 100 doesn't have any new Canadian songs for me to review.

Ohh, shut up! I've still got a trick up my sleeve: now I'm going to go back and find Canadian songs from yesteryear. And what better way to start than with Paul Anka?

...There are probably a lot of better ways to start, but hey! If there's something we can thank Paul Anka for, it's being Canada's first rock and roll teen idol. Never mind that he's about as "rock and roll" as Justin Bieber, as we look at his first single, "Diana".

To be fair, that is a nice instrumental opening. But... Paul Anka really doesn't do anything for me. He's like a less edgy, more whiny Elvis Presley, and I'd definitely rather listen to Elvis than him. It's like if you had to choose between listening to a dog playing happily in the afternoon, or a dog whimpering and howling at night. Unless you're some kind of sadist, I think you'd most likely go for the former option. Paul Anka is the howling dog.

What can I say? Elvis Presley, dogs... the joke really writes itself.

I'm sorry Paul, but I just don't like your music. It rubs me the wrong way, and I can think of many other Canadian artists I'd rather be listening to.

Not him. NOT HIM! AAAAAAAHHHHH!

"Anaconda" - Nicki Minaj

This may seem like a standard question for this artist after hits such as "Stupid Hoe", but... what is Nicki Minaj doing?

Besides re-mixing a Sir Mix-a-Lot song, that is? That's basically all she's doing. Half this stupid song is just sampling.

My anaconda don't
My anaconda don't
My anaconda don't want none unless you got buns, hun

That sequence right there appears four times in the song. Four times! Which actually wouldn't be bad, if this was the only lyric sample used.

Oh my gosh, look at her butt
Oh my gosh, look at her butt

Well, first off, there's that, chipmunk-style.

Little in the middle but she got much back

Aaaand then there's also that. This is barely a Nicki Minaj song. But there's still enough here not to make me forget.

This dude named Michael used to ride motorcycles
Dick bigger than a tower, I ain't talking about Eiffel's

Uh... okay? Which tower are you talking about then, Nicki? Sears Tower? CN Tower? Tower of Babylon? Help me out here.

Actually, a lot of the lyrics here aren't half bad, save for the "fuck those skinny bitches" comments at the end that really just come out of nowhere. Nicki Minaj is talented. She really is. She just seems to squander that talent in a lot of her songs. But I can honestly see a little bit of good in this one. Just a little bit, though.

He toss my salad like his name Romaine

What can I say? It's kinda clever.

But while there are some good moments in this song, they are, yet again, squandered by the terrible moments. This song definitely could have been at least a minute shorter if you took out all that unnecessary sampling between the second and third verse. I really don't understand that. Some have praised Nicki Minaj for "taking back" the song "Baby Got Back" for the ladies (which... makes no sense, as it was originally written by a dude), but if you're going to just use samples from the song over and over again and barely do anything with them, are you really making it your own, or just being lazy and annoying?

Probably lazy and annoying.

While this isn't the worst thing Nicki Minaj has ever put out, it's still a damn stupid song with not enough reason to justify its existence. All this song makes me want to do is go back and listen to "Baby Got Back". Which I think I shall do. Thanks for the suggestion, Nicki!

Flashback Friday: "La Bamba" - Los Lobos (1987)

Here we go again with Flashback Friday! Let's take a look at one of the most fun songs of all time, "La Bamba".

...The Los Lobos version. Because... cover songs. It's been, what, like 3 weeks since the last one?

Anyway, you'd be hard-pressed to find anyone who doesn't like this song. It's just so much fun to listen to. The song is actually an instructional song, in part, on how to dance La Bamba. For those who don't speak Spanish (e.g. me), here's the translation of the chorus.

In order to dance La Bamba
In order to dance La Bamba a little bit of grace is needed
A little bit of grace and something else
Ah! Up and up
And up and up and up I'll go

There ya go, folks. You don't need professional dancing lessons. you just need "a little bit of grace and something else", and up, up, you'll go! Now, who could turn down an offer like that?

Now let's talk about the two different versions of this song. To be honest, although Richie Valens is a legend, I prefer the Los Lobos version. It just seems to have a little more energy to it, but it's also a little more focused. Overall, it just sounds better to me.

But no matter what version you listen to, "La Bamba" is a fun song for fun times. Or even gloomy times, if you need something to cheer you up.

Watch-for-it Wednesday: "Ready Set Roll" - Chase Rice

Ohh, country music. Sweet, swee- I can't even pretend anymore. What is this?!

It's not country, I'll tell you that right now. Hank Williams Sr. is spinning in his grave as I write about this song.

Though to be fair, by pop standards, and I guess even by new country standards, it's not that bad. I mean, it's... catchy enough. Chase Rice has a... decent voice. (Of course, when you've listened to the boys from Florida Georgia Line too often, just about anything sounds decent.) 

But this song definitely does not represent country music's rise; rather, it represents its decline. And the best way to understand me is to just listen to the opening of this song. It sounds like something Katy Perry rejected. And what the hell is with that computerized voice? Is this a country song or a dance song?

And I guess my opinion begs the question, "Why can't it be both?" Well, if I really believed that Chase Rice (whose name sounds like a copy title for an Uncle Ben's commercial) was trying to fuse two genres together in a creative way, that might have been one thing. But as that state of country music is today, this sounds just like further regress for country music into the pop world. That's what it sounds like: genericized pop. Not country. Not dance. Pop.

See, Taylor Swift knew how to get out of country music, just by declaring what many people have already said about her: she's a pop artist. But Chase Rice still seems to think he can pull off the country sound. Well, buddy... you can't. So why don't you pull a Taylor Swift and go full pop as well? At least be honest with yourself, man. God damn.

Hot 100 Success:

Will he have it?

As we delve into the waning months of 2014, I can conclude that this was not the year for country. I don't think Chase Rice has much of a wing or a prayer here.

Should he have it?

While he wouldn't be the worst country artist this yer to try and break and enter, he still doesn't deserve much praise, just doin' what everybody else is doin'. Ready, set, let's roll away from this genericized song.

CanTunes Tuesday: "Lost You" - Zeds Dead ft. Twin Shadow & D'Angelo Lacy

Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to talk to you about a man named Zedd.

His music was of the EDM variety, and he scored big in 2013 and 2014 with songs such as "Clarity" and "Break Free". But now I have just heard the news that Zedd has died. Rest in peace to...

Wait... wait. That's just an electronic duo's name?

Okay, phew! Well, let's take a look at these guys, then!

Zeds Dead are an electronic music duo from Canada, their name referencing a scene from Pulp Fiction. Whatever. How does their music sound?

Well, they certainly sound more interesting than a lot of dance music nowadays. Listening to quite a few of their songs, they seem to change it up every time, creating a different mood with different sounds. That's something you actually rarely see in popular dance music these days. Think about it: Calvin Harris has essentially been playing the same song over and over again, I think David Guetta's only got three buttons on his machine, and even Zedd seems to stick to the same kind of sound every time. These guys, by comparison, are trailblazers. Always exciting, and always thinking inventively. And that's not even talking about this weird-ass video. I mean, it's cool, but it's also really freakin' weird.

Oh well. It's still a great song, and a great artist, melting faces and all.

"Shake it Off" - Taylor Swift

Honestly, if Taylor Swift has to have a comeback, I'm kind of glad she went with this song.

Let's now make this fully clear: Taylor Swift is officially a pop artist. And you know what? I couldn't be happier. Honestly, she's got way more of a pop personality than a country personality.

When people point to country music becoming more pop, they're usually pointing their fingers at T-Swift. And I definitely see where they're coming from. Her songs never seemed all that country-oriented to me, and I think being labeled as country kind of hindered her personality a bit. It's like she didn't know where to go for the first bit of her career other than "cutesy".

Then, in came the new wave of pop music.

Suddenly, female pop stars were in your face, and edgy, and... well, old T-Swift probably couldn't cut it anymore. So then she started writing more vindictive songs. She still had the odd sweet song here and there, but it was starting to become clear that Taylor Swift's style was changing. And then she released this. God, I really hated Red. It's like Taylor Swift was trying to hold on to her country roots and drastically failing.

So it's good to see Swift finally admitting she's a pop star in this new album, 1989. Now granted, this song isn't that great. While it's insanely catchy and probably the most honest Taylor Swift's been in her career, it is also a little grating upon re-listen. But hey, that's modern pop music for you. Gotta shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake... well, you get the idea. So, final verdict: Taylor Swift's "Shake it Off" is not too bad.

Flashback Friday: "Yellow Submarine" - The Beatles (1966)

Ah, The Beatles. I knew I'd get to you someday.

Well, if you don't count the time I talked about The Beatles on a Monday Musing, that is... and the time I made a Top Ten List of their songs... but look! A Beatles Flashback Friday! That's something new!

So, what the hell is the deal with "Yellow Submarine"? Intended originally for children, the song has gained many different political and social interpretations, even though it's pretty much nonsense. Lennon actually addressed this phenomenon later by writing "I Am the Walrus", another intentionally nonsensical song, but this time, designed specifically to mess with those people's heads. But what made "Yellow Submarine" such a hot topic for analysis in the first place?

Well, I think part of it has to do with the fact that The Beatles were known for smart lyrics, rather than nonsense songs such as this one. That made people want to find out what they were missing, because this song couldn't possibly be meant to be taken at face value... right? Obviously people were too stupid for The Beatles!

I mean, look at this seeming nonsense! Yellow submarine? It's obviously much deeper than the surface! (It is a submarine, after all.) It's obviously about The Beatles' hardships! Or drugs! Or the police! Or... maybe it's just a goofy children's song.

Sorry, boys. Sometimes a spade is just a spade, and sometimes a yellow submarine is just a yellow submarine. Unless it's a magic school bus. Then all bets are off. And in the interest of leaving you guys with a slightly more exciting song meant for children, why not the Magic School Bus theme song? Take it away, Little Richard!

I could jam to this all day, seriously.

Watch-for-it Wednesday: "No Flex Zone" - Ray Sremmurd

Okay, rap music. Now you're just pulling my leg.

I mean, this cannot possibly be an up-and-coming hit, can it? There's no way that this song is breaking and entering!

*sigh* But once I stop living in my fantasy world, I come to grips with this song and the apparent impact it's having on our youth of today. So, what's the theme of this song? What's the chorus?

No flex zone, no flex zone

They know better, they know better

Okay, so you're not allowed to "flex" where Rae Sremmurd are, in other words, no boasting or bragging. Do you think someone might have gotten their feelings hurt after someone else showed off their rapping skills, putting that first someone to shame? Seems to me like that's exactly what happened.

I mean, I've heard some bad rap songs, but this delivery is just weak. He sounds drunk off his ass, and he sounds like he's never rapped before in his life.

Won a gold medal
And a gold bezel
I treat it so special

Now your ho jealous

Okay, ignoring the fact that "jealous" is a bad rhyme... isn't this bragging? Aren't you breaking your own rule? It's like if God committed adultery or something. But of course, I guess that Rae Sremmurd aren't subject to the mere mortal's rules. For they are the gods of rap! Okay, I was sarcastic enough in my Wednesday post a few weeks ago, I don't need more here.

Just a bad, worthless song throughout. Even by today's standards, it's weak. I mean, I hated "Lifestyle", but as annoying as they were, they at least had a sense of delivery. This chorus is just amateurish garbage. Nothing to "flex" about, in other words.

Hot 100 Success:

Will they have it?

Eh, it's possible they'll have a little success, but really, I'd like to think that the public has more discriminating taste than this pile of junk.

Should they have it?

NO flex zone. NO.

CanTunes Tuesday: "A Girl Like You" - Dallas Smith

Holy crap, more Canadian country? Well, maybe country music didn't die off; maybe it just went north.

Actually, that's kind of a weak assumption. You see, the Canadian Hot 100 also includes international songs, so sometimes I have to search fairly far back in order to find a Canadian song actually on the Canadian chart. Kind of sad, but I've learned to deal with it.

For example, if you look at the Billboard charts today, you'd see that the #1 song in Canada, for God knows what reason, is the latest Maroon 5 snoozefest "Maps". The highest-charting song by a Canadian artist is Kiesza's "Hideaway", which I've already reviewed. It's hard when you start running out of ammo, but as long as I can find at least something, I should be okay.

Anyway, here's what I've found today: yet another country song. And this one's pretty good, too. Which is surprising to me, because here's where I know Dallas Smith from:

He's the lead singer of Default. A Canadian rock band that made it big with this song and not much else. Default's okay, I guess, but not one of my favourite bands. Sometimes they can be a bit boring. So I wouldn't expect the lead singer to go country and make me like him more at the same time. But... here we are.

I don't know what it is about Canadians and country music, but they just seem to get it. Which is odd, because when you think of country, you typically think down south, not up north. But while I've liked both country songs that I've heard from Canada this year, I haven't liked very many from down south. Can I just relate to these guys better, somehow? Is that it?

Maybe it's not so much that I can relate to them better, but that they're just better lyricists. I mean, look at this:

You like a cherry on top a red striped straw in a Coca Cola classic
I like a little whiskey kick hitting my lips in the red solo plastic

Essentially, he's just singing about the same things most country singers do: girls and alcohol.
But it's clever here. I like how he rhymes "classic" with "plastic", I like that he's a little more playful with his wordplay, I even like the shameless Coca Cola plug. I like it all.

So, buck up, Americans. Why can't you be more country like us? Yee-haw! I'm off to ride into the sunset. Giddyup, couch!