CanTunes Tuesday: "What Are You Waiting For?" - Nickelback

Sometimes, when you choose to do something with your life, there's a project that's expected of you. Since becoming a Canadian music reviewer, I've kept a close eye on this project, waiting for these guys to show up on the Billboard charts. And the time has come.

Talk about your selling out. And then let's talk about Chad Kroeger, who takes the very idea of "selling out" to a whole new level. I mean, Jesus. Who put him up to this? Avril Lavigne?

By the way, I think her and Chad are headed for Splitsville soon. Anyway, back to the song and why it sucks.

First off, it's Nickelback, so it's always gonna have that aura of "suck" to it. But this is different. This isn't just Nickelback. This is pop-ified Nickelback. To which I ask.... why?

Did... did not enough people buy your last album? Did you really feel that this is what you had to do to win your crowd of fans back? Because this is what I call "alienating a fanbase".

Chad Kroeger's usually a mess when he sings, but my God, is he especially unbearable here. And I'll tell you why: When his gargling-chainsaw voice isn't just singing to you, and it's singing to you about clichés, then we have hit rock bottom. I mean, listen to some of these lyrics and tell me how much Nickelback was trying.

You gotta go and reach for the top
Believe in every dream that you got
You're only living once so tell me
What are you, what are you waiting for?

And as Chad Kroeger consults his list of "proverbs that Full House would have rejected as too sappy", he comes up with the chorus.

I mean, my God, man. I kind of want you to go back to being a douchebag. At least then there was an energy to your music, though an unpleasant one. This is... just... awful. It's something that you would only play at a really low volume in the dentist's office, so low that people don't even recognize it as Nickelback. Which is always a plus. 

...

OH BY THE WAY GUYS YOU ALREADY HAD THIS SONG

Sucked then and it sucks now. Actually, I can't decide which stinks more: the song, or the roadkill on Kroeger's head. All I'm saying is, if he has to go with a bad hairstyle, I prefer the Jesus/Joan Osborne look on that front. In any case though, Nickelback really blows.

I mean, I just... I don't even know what to say anymore. Before, I could at least respect Nickelback a little for sticking to what they do, but now I can't even praise them for that. There is nothing left to praise about Nickelback. We've reached end of the line, Kroeger. I can't stick up for you anymore.

What are you waiting for?

A bus. A bus to take me far away from here so I never have to hear this song again. That's what I'm waiting for. Oh, here it comes. Goodbye, Nickelback! Goodbye, creepy Chavril romance! Seriously, that shit's ending.