If someone had told me last year that the breakout star of 2014 would be a rapping Australian white girl, I would have told them that they were crazy. But it's 2014, and here we are. And really, given the lack of talent that most rappers have these days, I guess Iggy Azalea deserves a place about as much as anyone. ... But God damn it, does she have to put on that phony accent? That accent is what's been causing some controversy around this rapper. People have accused her of being fake and even being racist. Meanwhile, I just listen to it and I accuse her of being annoying. The accent's not a good fit for her, because it's so obviously put-on and it makes me question her claims such as "first thing's first, I'm the realest". You're the "realest"? You're not even rapping with your own accent! Now Iggy has gone on record to defend herself and her accent, saying that the way she raps is not a big deal, and that she is an artist for adapting her voice to sound different. Whether you agree with those statements or not, Iggy isn't going away anytime soon, so it looks like I have to continue to deal with this. Something I SHOULDN'T have to deal with however, is lame-ass music videos. I don't care, I don't care, I-G-G-Y needs to get to the S-O-N-G SONG. So, after a minute and forty-three seconds of that nonsense, we finally get to the song. And... the first part isn't bad. Of course, the first part isn't Iggy. It's Rita Ora, who delivers a nice hook for the opening. This beat is pretty rockin' too. And then... This twisted cat and mouse game always starts the same First we're both down to play then somehow you go astray You know, the lyrics here actually aren't bad, but I cannot get past that fake accent. It sours my opinion of Iggy through and through. And that's a damn shame, because Iggy shows promise with her lyrics. You were different from my last but now you got it mirrored And as it all plays out I see it couldn't be clearer I just really wish she didn't have the accent. I fear that it's gonna haunt me on every song she does, but it's the accent she chose, so... looks like I'll just have to prepare myself for more. This is at least better than "Fancy", though. Rita Ora seems comfortable with the hook, and the beat is a thousand times better. What I'm saying is, this would be a great Iggy song if Iggy Azalea wasn't here, I guess. Sorry, I-G-G-Y, but I'm D-O-N-E for now.
Boy, you make one silly typo and you're in a whole other era of music. ANYWAY... welcome back to Flashback Friday. Lat's take things back to the Beastie Boys...
Um... I mean The Beach Boys, with their song, "California Girls", a song about how the Beach Boys want to take every single girl in America and move them all down to California, which would undoubtedly create a major population density problem, and as such is probably a terrible idea. What are you thinking, boys? As far as I can tell, the boys are thinking with their dicks. They love all these different qualities about different women on different areas of the country, but they want them all in a place that can make them all shine, I guess. In other words, they wish all the girls could be California girls. ...and that's it. Simple song for a simple time, I guess? What were others releasing in 1965?
Uh-huh...
Okay...
Okay, yeah, simple song for a simple time. Not that that's necessarily a bad thing. Who says pop music has to be serious all the time? Certainly not me. The Beach Boys were known for their sweet harmonizing and fun-loving, sunshiny melodies, so I don't expect much else from them other than this. Also, the Barenaked Ladies song about Brian Wilson is awesome. That's all for today.
So, how does this up-and-coming country song in America stack up against the Canadian country song I reviewed yesterday that will probably never see the light of day in America? Well, this one's a lot more authentically "new country", if you get my drift.
All right, am I just being a little cynical? I mean, there's nothing wrong with a little party music, right? God knows LMFAO wouldn't have a career without it. Actually... maybe that alone should outweigh its plusses? All right, truth be told, I've never had a huge problem with LMFAO. They weren't great, but they never really offended me. So, what offends me about bro-douchey country music? I think it's the lack of self-awareness more than anything. Bro-country doesn't appear to realize how stupid it sounds. I always thought LMFAO was half-parody, but modern country music always seems blissfully unaware of how terrible it really is. It's enough to piss me off. So, how bad is this country song? It's not terrible, but it is kind of boring. I've heard this type of music many times, and this is just a 5/10 example of it. It doesn't do anything memorable, unlike the last country song I reviewed. It isn't original, unlike the last country song I reviewed. And it doesn't make me want to go back and listen to it again, unlike the last country song I reviewed. It's an utterly pointless song to me. Okay, there is one part I like: If you got some room for a little regret, Let me know girl I've already left That's admittedly kind of funny, even if it isn't on purpose. But at least it's something to say about this song, which is something I'm really grasping at straws to do. Is it any wonder that people are getting tired of country music? I sure am. Hot 100 Success: Will he have it? Who in country has had success so far this year? Florida Georgia Line, maybe? Can't think of anyone else. The future doesn't look bright for this man, is what I'm saying. Should he have it? No. That Canadian guy should, though. Bobby Wills for breakthrough country artist of 2014! Who's with me? No one? Okay... rubes.
Really? A double negative? Right there, in the title? That's what I'm getting now?
Really, Bobby Wills? Really? Really? Any-hoo, I've posted about country songs more than a few times, but I don't believe I've covered a Canadian country artist yet. So you know what, maybe this'll be interesting! Canadian country. What's in store here? If I never told you, if I never showed you If I never shouted from the rooftops how I felt about you baby Wait a minute! Actual sincere love in a modern country song? Well, dust off my boots, I'm excited. Maybe even excited enough to forgive that double negative. I never didn't love you Ehh... it'll take some time, I suppose. But seriously, this is great! As far as I can tell, it's a song that stresses the importance of never leaving it assumed that you love your significant other. And it works as a love song. A cute one, at that. I always loved the way you made me feel big and strong Opening a little jar It's the little things in this song that make it so worthwhile. Have you ever heard a country song, or any song for that matter, poking fun at men who feel big and strong by opening jars for their wives? This song is special in that way. And in an era where a majority of the country music is crappy bro-douchey shit, this shines all the more. My cowboy hat's off to you, Bobby Wills. Just... watch it with the double negatives, okay? We won't have no problems then.
So long as society dumps body issues onto women, there will be a need for songs like this. Irritatingly catchy songs like this.
This is Meghan Trainor, a fairly new addition to the music world that just broke into the mainstream with her newest single "All About That Bass". No treble. As far as I can tell, "bass" means "booty" and "treble" means... "small booty"? Whatever. As it stands, the song is incredibly uplifting. The song could have easily gone too far and resorted to skinny-shaming, and it almost does that. But then it retracts itself. I'm bringing booty back, go ahead and tell them skinny bitches that No I'm just playing. I know you think you're fat But I'm here to tell ya every inch of you is perfect from the bottom to the top It's very smart, the way it's played out. It's very aware of other people, even down to the music video, where it actually has guys dancing with the girls. That's pretty inclusive. This song and video are unlike anything I've seen before, in that regard. It's something I think everyone needed. And the song's as bootylicious as it suggests, with the doo-wop beat and the general flow of the song. It makes you want to be all about that bass and kick that treble right out the door. Hmm, I may have taken the metaphor a little too far. Regardless, great song, great message.
Hello again, guys! Such an abrupt announcement has really got me thinking. And the truth is, I love this blog. Well, most of it. And that's why instead of completely retiring, I've now decided to only retire the categories that are honestly feeling more like chores than fun. They are: Monday Musings, Top 10 Thursday, and Weekend Wrap-up. This still leaves you with a current song on Sunday, a Canadian song on Tuesday, a Heatseekers song on Wednesday, and a flashback on Friday. I apologize for my sporadic attitude, but hey, that's life, huh? One minute you make a decision then the next you regret it. When I started out doing this blog I felt I wasn't doing enough, and when I introduced the 7-day schedule, it was manageable for a while, but soon I found that I was just running out of topics for Monday and Thursday, and the news segment was getting quite monotonous. But I've consistently loved just reviewing songs, which is really what this blog should be about. I feel like I've finally got the perfect schedule. Thank you all for your patience, and I hope this whirlwind of a day doesn't deter you from continuing to read my blog. I'm not dead yet. I just needed to lose some weight. Hey, that metaphor worked out better than I thought it would. Yeah, I still got it. Seeya tomorrow!
Hi guys! I think it's about time that I hang this blog up and move on. I've had a lot of fun doing it, but it's time to do other things with my life. I'd like to thank anybody that stopped to read it, even if it was just one time only. It meant a lot to me to know that somebody cared enough to read what I have to say. Thanks again, and enjoy the rest of your lives!
It's... it's slowly becoming an addiction, guys. I might need some help. Who do I even call for this sort of thing? Hello, Addiction Hotline? I think I might be addicted to... cover songs. What? Is this a prank? Get the hell outta here! *hangs up* Hmm, you'd think that the Addiction Hotline would be more sympathetic to this sort of thing. Whatever. On with the review, I say! Bananarama's "Venus" is a cover of a 1969 song from Dutch rock band Shocking Blue. Both versions topped the Hot 100. And honestly, I think Bananarama's version is better. Shocking Blue's version seems... limited, especially for the time period. I mean, this was a year that had "Space Oddity", "Fortunate Son", hell, even "Aquarius/Let The Sunshine In" was a better example of a rockin' tune. Yeah, the song needed tweaking. And I think the best way to do that was to pump it up with an infectious dance beat. Enter Bananarama's version 17 years later. This version has everything that Shocking Blue's was missing; namely, a pulse. There's a reason people remember this version today: it has staying power, almost annoyingly so. It's so catchy, you can't get rid of it. It's also quirky enough, though, that you wouldn't necessarily get bored. I like how they use the danced-up guitar riff in the chorus. I like the wild scream right before the third chorus. I really like this song. It's my fire, at my desire. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to call back a certain addiction hotline and thank them for being so dismissive.
Hey guys! It's about time to add a little positivity to this blog. So, because I did my Worst Covers list last week, here's my Best Covers list now! 10. "Blue Monday" - Orgy (original by New Order)
I'm probably committing some serious heresy here by putting this version on the list, but... I can't help it. I legitimately do like this version better. Maybe it's because I grew up on rock music, and this one has more of a rock "edge" to it... or maybe it's just because I actually heard this version before the New Order version. Whatever the case, "Blue Monday" rocks either way. Just a little bit harder with Orgy's version. Sorry, New Order fans. Okay, who's throwing fruit? 9. "Big Yellow Taxi" - Counting Crows (Joni Mitchell)
Okay, now I must officially be tripping, right? How can I like this version of "Big Yellow Taxi" better than the original? Well... this version's just more interesting to me. It's got this funky beat that you can jam to, it's got more melody than the original, it's just all around a great cover. And bonus points always go to Adam Duritz's hair. Every time. Rock on, Pineapple Hair. 8. "Mad World" - Gary Jules (Tears for Fears)
Okay, let me preface this one by saying that I absolutely love Tears for Fears. But with a song like this, the only way to really do it well is stripped-down like Gary Jules did here. The Tears for Fears version is really kind of strange to me, and I honestly don't really like it. Gary Jules' version is straightforward and executed well. He definitely has the vocal chops to pull it off too, being ever so subtle but ever so saddening at the same time. Tears for Fears, I love ya, but when it comes to versions of this song, Gary Jules is the man who gets my vote. 7. "You Really Got Me" - Van Halen (The Kinks)
All right, this one's a bit of a closer race, but I think Van Halen's version juuuust edges out over the original. The way rock music was moving, Van Halen could just do more with the song at the time, complete with Eddie's guitar solos. That's not to discredit The Kinks' original in any way, though. It's a great song either way. But Van Halen's version rocked a little harder, and therefore it's able to make the list.
Guns N' Roses have done a lot of cover songs, and many of them range from mediocre to bad, really bad. *shudder* Buuuut I really like what they did with Nazareth's song "Hair of the Dog". They changed just enough about it to make it more interesting, but not a completely different song. I especially like the crazy way they just keep on speeding up at the end. Makes the song sound a lot more off-the-wall. And Slash's guitar was just what the doctor ordered for this already hard-rockin' song. So, while they've had many cover missteps, this one almost forgives all of them, in my opinion.
Run-DMC had such an impact with this cover. It was a complete genre change, first of all, from rock to rap. But it also showed how the two genres can work in harmony with each other, and it helped to propel rap to the mainstream, with this song hitting #5 on the Hot 100 chart. It also brought back Aerosmith in a big way, with their album Permanent Vacation being their comeback album a year later. Just the influence on music is enough to make this cover noteworthy. But it also does something interesting with the song. It makes you look at the melody from a whole new perspective, and accept it as a rap song. Truly commendable. Truly iconic. 4. "Hallelujah" - Jeff Buckley (Leonard Cohen)
Everybody and their mother has covered this iconic, beautiful song, but if I had to choose one that is a cut above the rest, even the original, it would be Jeff Buckley's version. I feel that he's the one who understood the song the most, and it shows up in his soft voice and guitar. The song sounds so timid for the most part, and I think that's how it should sound. Sadly, Jeff Buckley was taken from this earth far too soon due to an accidental drowning. Maybe there's a god above, and if so, there's a special place for Jeff Buckley. 3. "While My Guitar Gently Weeps" - The Jeff Healey Band (The Beatles)
Okay, wait! What am I doing now? This contradicts everything I've said about The Beatles! Don't cover their songs, George Harrison is the best, DON'T COVER THEIR SONGS. So... what the hell? Well, have you ever heard the expression "every rule has an exception"? Well, this is the exception, baby, and dear God, is it ever an exception. I still love The Beatles, and I love the original. But Jeff Healey just takes this song to a whole new level, adding an extra amount of blues and soul to it with his guitar, which really sounds like it's weeping. Dare I say it? Jeff Healey understood this song better than George Harrison did. And he sets just the right mood to show his understanding. Rest in peace, Jeff Healey. Probably one of the greatest guitarists ever to come from Canada. 2. "Hurt" - Johnny Cash (Nine Inch Nails)
Sorry, Nine Inch Nails. But the people who prefer the original to this cover are rare. I was actually surprised to find out that this was a cover; this song sounds tailor-made for Johnny. He does an excellent job with the song, obviously, sounding stricken with sadness in his voice. It's absolutely heartbreaking, and absolutely fantastic. The fact that this was one of his last songs makes it all the sadder. Rest in peace, Johnny. You left a legacy of conutry music and soulfulness that no one can touch. 1. "All Along the Watchtower" - Jimi Hendrix Experience (Bob Dylan)
Widely regarded as one of the best cover songs of all time, "All Along the Watchtower" by Jimi Hendrix is truly fantastic. Just a great showcase for Jimi's musical talent all around. Even Bob Dylan has gone on record to say that Jimi did it better. And who can blame him? It's Jimi Hendrix. His unmistakable style changed music forever, and if he liked a song enough to cover it, it would have to be considered nothing except a huge honour. Jimi plays rock n' roll in the sky now, but he will always be remembered as one of the pioneers of rock music. And this cover is truly indicative of that, and it is, in my opinion, the greatest cover song of all time.
Ohh, rap music, rap music, rap music. Trying too hard, or not enough? You decide.
What I mean by that is, is rap music now actively trying to piss me off, or does the total lack of effort put into rap music these days just do it to me as a side effect? These are the important questions when you're faced with pure crapola such as this specimen. But you know what? Forget it! I'm not going to let a stupid song get the better of me! I am going to sit here and enjoy this song. Enjoy every braindead, insulting, awful minute of it. And as my first step towards that goal, I'd like to retract those three adjectives and replace them with "beautiful", "incredible", and "awesome". Won't you come along with me, as we listen to this great song together? The first great thing I notice about this song is that it's breaking down the barriers of what makes a good singer, and hiring drunk homeless people off the street to sing in the song, to challenge those social norms. That is truly commendable. I hope the homeless man got paid a hefty sum of dough for his part in the song. The irony of it all, though, lies in the rap group's name. See, they're the "Rich Gang". But their hiring of people who are deemed "talentless" and "worthless" by society, and therefore unable to make a commendable amount of money, teaches us all that anybody can be rich in their own mind. It just takes the right mindset and a few good friends to consider yourself rich. Wealth is not defined by money alone. Wealth is defined by the risks you take in life. It's defined by challenging yourself against the watchful eyes of society. By refusing to give up, even in the face of ridicule. To add a second irony to all of this, they throroughly debunk this theory in the lyrics, proving that there is never one side to a debate. Presenting both sides through different angles is truly what makes this song a work of art. Listen in: Million 5 on the Visa card Hundred bands still look like the fuckin' tires You may think that this lyrics is promoting the shallow life of living for your money and nothing else, but you would be sorely mistaken. The subtlety rises in the song with this lyric in particular. This non sequitur teaches us that throwing your life away to money doesn't make any sense whatsoever. It really is an enigma wrapped in a hundred band. Notice how he doesn't even try to rhyme the two lines, as if to say, "What's the point? Wealth doesn't deserve a coherent rhyming scheme." There are so many other things to love about this song, and I could go on for days. But I'd like you all to discover each and every gem that this song has to offer on your own, so I'll end the review here, and get to the obvious answers to the questions: Hot 100 Success: Will they have it? You wouldn't believe me with the sheer genius of this song, but this brilliance in hip hop is actually par for the course, and popular, in fact. I can see these guys going far on the charts. God bless 'em. Should they have it? NO OF COURSE THEY SHOULDN'T THIS SONG IS FUCKING TERRIBLE... well, I kept it up for as long as I could. This gang certainly isn't "rich" in talent. But they're probably rich in the traditional sense of the word. And that just makes me want to scream.
I'm all for a good parody. You all know I'm a huge Weird Al fan. But here's the thing: if you're going to parody pop music, you shouldn't be known for making the same type of pop music.
Make no mistake about it: Marianas Trench is a pop band. They're barely rock, mostly pop. Got that? Okay. So, let's see what they make fun of in their satirical song, "Pop 101". At least, that's what I'd like to do, but all the lyrics websites have different lyrics because nobody can agree on what the hell this guy is singing. And that might be a good thing, because from what I can gather, this is a pretty piss-poor satire. Pop Music 101 Some simple instructions For a good first impression Now let's start with verse one Haha, those crazy pop songs! What with their verses and all... Heartfelt pop anthems From Mumford and his sons Gang vocals here we come Thinkin' "I will always wait" Those... aren't even the right lyrics. It's in the title of the song, you knob. I think I'd like this more if it was a little more self-aware and not quite so holier-than-thou, which is actually a problem I'm starting to have with "Am I Wrong". I'm not saying that pop stars should always check their ego at the door. That'd be damn boring. But if you're going to project a gigantic ego, then you need to have a reason to back it up. Marianas Trench are a Canadian band that have had little to no success in the States, and Nico & Vinz is a duo I just don't see having another hit. Neither deserves the ego they project, which is why neither song works for me now. I mean, yeah, you can make fun of Robin Thicke and The Black Eyed Peas all you want, Josh Ramsay. But they're more successful than you will ever be, so I'm certain they don't care. Of course, then there's me, making fun of someone infinitely more popular than I am, so... let's choose to ignore that and get back to the thesis statement: "Pop 101" fails. And I don't even hate Marianas Trench, I really don't. But this snarky, wink-wink nudge-nudge attitude doesn't suit them at all, and this is them at their snarkiest and winky-winky nudge-nudgiest. This is pop music from someone who thinks they're better than pop music, without actually being better than pop music. I don't get it, boys. Why don't you just stick to what you're good at and leave the commentary to 17-year-olds from New Zealand? When they can do it better than you, you need to step down.
Welcome to another edition of Random Thoughts! I really wish music videos were still interesting enough for Weird Al to parody. When David Lee Roth left Van Halen, both David Lee Roth and Van Halen got worse. Conversely, when Slash left Guns N' Roses, only Guns N' Roses got worse. Rush's Roll the Bones album is both their most pretentious and their silliest. If you get Beats headphones on a discount, they'll probably break within the year. I'm not sure if that's true with regular Beats as well. Seriously, whatever happened to Shontelle? Whenever I listen to indie rock, the thing that really strikes me is how many artists that are supposed to be different sound the same. The pop charts are so sluggish now that I'm not even sure what or who is supposed to be relevant at this point. AC/DC gets far too much hate. Everybody talks about how great the music in The Lion King is, but nobody ever talks about Tarzan. Creed have the best worst videos of all time. Meanwhile, OK Go simply have the best music videos. Listening to Ray Charles' "What'd I Say" alone really opens your eyes to how much influence he had on music, especially putting it into context with the other artists of that era. Katy Perry's music hasn't been charting well lately. Is her reign coming to an end? That's it for today! Thanks for reading the random music inquiries of my brain.
Jessie J. Ariana Grande. And Nicki Minaj. Together, the trifecta of female superstars in music will come together and... make a song about fighting over some guy.
Fighting over having sex with this guy, specifically. Actually, I think it's only Grande and Jessie J who are fighting in this track. Minaj references both of them with one line It's me, Jessie, and Ari If they test me they sorry and then just kind of rolls around in her own little universe. But for the other two... it's an all-out war. The way you can tell that they're fighting with each other is the last line of each of their verses. Here's Jessie J: See anybody could be bad to you, You need a good girl to blow your mind And here's Grande: See anybody could be good to you, You need a bad girl to blow your mind Yeah, so I guess the main question isn't "is this a good song?" but "who wins this fight?" Well... both of them and neither of them. Both their verses are pretty good, but Jessie J's has the problem of nullifying it with calling herself a "good girl", and I'm not sure how much I believe Grande as a "bad girl" yet. Maybe if the roles were reversed? I will give the song the chorus, because as the title suggests, it is bang bangin'. And I do have respect for all three of the artists on this track (yes, even Nicki). But I feel like this song's lyrical content should be more interesting, especially for the subject matter. I feel like this is trying to be "The Boy is Mine", but the artists are too nice to rag on each other too much. Which is weird, because their personalities have more attitude, but their lyrics don't. It's like this: She got a body like an hourglass, but I can give it to you all the time She has endearing features, but... so do I! That's the pattern for Jessie J's lyrics especially. I guess if I had to pick a winner of this battle, it would be Grande. Her lyrics are just more coherent, and it doesn't hurt that she's more relevant in 2014 than Jessie J. But the real winner is the guy in this song, for somehow making Jessie J, Ariana Grande, and Nicki Minaj all want to have sex with him. I don't know how he did it, but that's quite the feat. Anyway... pretty good song, I can overlook the weird stuff to get to the good stuff.
Hello everyone, Today I'd like to talk about Robin Williams, given his passing on Monday, August 11th. Robin Williams died of a suicide caused by depression, and it is truly heartbreaking to know that a man who made so many laugh was crying inside. Williams was very open about his depression, but this still came as a shock to me and many others. I feel like a piece of my childhood is missing. But more importantly, Robin Williams inspired me to be the kind of person I am today. He taught me that it was okay to be a goofball, to dance around and carry on like no one's watching. He taught me that normal is boring. Why be normal when you can be yourself? He taught me to go for the joke even if I'm afraid it'll bomb. He taught me that laughter and madness are key staples in our lives that we can't let slip away. And now that he's gone, it brings to mind the social stigma surrounding depression and mental illness, and the misunderstanding of what it actually is. Depression doesn't care if you're rich, or hilarious, or loved by millions. Depression is non-discriminatory that way. If we just broke down the barriers surrounding mental illness and limiting people's ability to talk about it, we could really make some progress. Please, if you're considering suicide, there is help out there. Talk to someone you love. Call a hotline. Help is out there. I'd like to say goodbye to Genie, Mrs. Doubtfire, John Keating, and many others. Rest in peace Robin, wherever you are, and know that you inspired not only myself, but hundreds of others to be themselves.
Rhythm & blues in the early 1960's was funky, sweet, and all-around good music. One of the artists of that era was Doris Troy, whose biggest and only hit was "Just One Look". While it is truly a great song, indicative of the era, why was it her only hit? Did Doris Troy have anything else to offer? Let's take a look. Doris Troy was discovered by James Brown while working as an usherette at the Apollo. She then worked with such highlighting stars as Cissy Houston, The Drifters, and Dionne Warwick before her biggest hit.
"Just One Look" was a modest hit in 1963, peaking at #10 on the Billboard charts. As I said, it's very indicative of the era: catchy, with a simple melody to complement and contrast the powerhouse voice of Doris Troy, much like a lot of melodies in R&B around that era. But this was Doris Troy's first and only hit, and she seemed to have the chops to produce more. So what happened? Well, after one more hit in the UK, Doris Troy changed her tune to singing backup, most notably for Pink Floyd's Dark Side of the Moon album. She also had a stage musical based around her life called Mama, I Want to Sing. So, she was still fairly successful and well-known, just not for Billboard hits. Which is perfectly okay, it's how she wanted to live out her career, and I can't condemn anybody for that. It's just a shame that she has the label "one-hit wonder" attached to her, a label most commonly associated with a pejorative attitude. She died from emphysema in 2004, but her legacy still lives on. So rest in peace Doris Troy, and may your work in the music industry entertain many generations to come.
Ever since the dawning of the Neanderthals when... wait, I think I already used this intro. I guess you could say I'm covering my own intro? Nah, that would be stupid. In lieu of a segue, enjoy this list. 10. "Teardrop" - Mika (original by Massive Attack)
I love the original version of this song, but this... this is both watered-down and over-the-top at the same time. Mika completely misses the inflections in the singer's voice that makes this song great in the first place, and nothing ends up coming together. I don't know if he's trying to sound like Marilyn Monroe wishing JFK a happy birthday or what, but the Massive Attack version is by far better than this. Mika needs to make-a his own music. 9. "Dancing in the Street" - Mick Jagger and David Bowie (Martha and the Vandellas)
This one ranks relatively low because I'm not convinced that this version wasn't just some big in-joke between the two artists. Because Jesus Christ, is it bad. I mean that by the song and the video. If you need any proof that having "moves like Jagger" is nothing to be proud of, this video is it. I think that this ensemble pretty much sums up everything wrong with the 80's: cheesiness, especially the cheesiness of artists from the 60's and 70's trying to stay relevant in the 80's. Whenever you hear this song, the time is wrong for dancing in the street. Hey, that sort of rhymed. 8. "When a Man Loves a Woman" - Michael Bolton (Percy Sledge)
How do you screw up one of the most soulful songs of the 60's? Give it to honking crooner Michael Bolton. There is just something about this guy's voice that I cannot stand, and it definitely does not stack up to Percy Sledge's version. Sucks all the soul right out of it, like an evil vacuum cleaner. Michael Bolton is the evil vacuum cleaner of the music industry. There's an analogy for ya. Use it as often as you can when he comes up in conversation. Preserve my legacy. 7. "Just a Friend 2002" - Mario (Biz Markie)
This shouldn't even really count as a cover, but if Mario is not only going to use the chorus of Biz Markie's classic song, but use the damn title as well, then he deserves my wrath on this list. While Markie's version was about his girlfriend cheating on him, Mario's whiny take on the song details a "story" about how he's trapped in the friendzone. All that's missing from Mario's version is the fedora. I don't know whether Mario missed the point of the original song or he just didn't care, but regardless, it makes for a crappy remake of a classic song, and makes me hate the year 2002, and Mario. 6. "Strawberry Fields Forever" - Candy Flip (The Beatles)
I don't know what the hell this is, but it ain't The Beatles. And when you hear a Beatles song, you want The Beatles, not... this. The problem with this cover, I think, is that's it's too sickeningly perfect. This song translates perfectly into electronic music. But it's too manufactured. The Beatles' version seemed to come from a real, tangible place, not a recording studio. Also, I hate this guy's voice. It sounds like he's struggling to breathe with every note. And I'm struggling to listen to this watered-down piece of shit. Next! 5. "Faith" - Limp Bizkit (George Michael)
What is there to even say about this cover, or Limp Bizkit in general? This cover is stunning in how terrible it is, and so is the band. I don't know how seriously Fred Durst actually takes himself, but he sure knows how to butcher a catchy 80's song with... I don't even know what he's doing here, man. He's screamo, he's rock, and he's neither. He's an enigma wrapped in a shit sandwich. He embodies the very idea of Limp Bizkit, which sounds as terrible as their name. There's just nothing to say about Limp Bizkit. Limp Bizkit says enough about Limp Bizkit. YOU JUST GOTTA HAVE FAAAAAAIIIIIIITH! Seriously though, fuck this band for ruining a perfectly good George Michael song. And a perfectly good Who song, too. God damn it, Limp. God damn it. 4. "The Boys of Summer" - The Ataris (Don Henley)
But if you need an ultimate reason to hate angsty white boys of the late 90's and early 2000's, look no further than The Ataris' version of Don Henley's "The Boys of Summer". The worst thing you can do with a cover song is act like you have no idea what the meaning is behind the original song, and that's definitely the vibe I get from this. I bet these guys heard the song and thought "Man, wouldn't it be great if it sounded more punk rock"? And thanks to this version of that song, we know that answer: N-O no. I prefer Don Henley over someone who sounds like he's choking on a screwdriver while singing. Regular or Phillips? How about both? The boys of summer are going to go and listen to the Don Henley version far before they consider this. 3. "Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This)" - Marilyn Manson (Eurythmics)
Oh boy, Marilyn Manson. Many a Marilyn Manson cover could have gone here. There was his cover of "Tainted Love", his cover of "Personal Jesus". But this one offends me the most, as a song he just took and shat all over with his lack of subtlety and overall unpleasantness. I'm not really against Marilyn Manson's shtick as a whole, but it doesn't translate well to a damn Eurythmics song, much as he tries to make it happen. That's just it: he tries way too hard, and forgets to make it sound good. "Look at me, guys!" he says in the song and the video. "Look at me being provocative!" We can see you, Manson. We just don't care. 2. "My Generation" - Hilary Duff (The Who)
I left Kidz Bop off of this list entirely, because if I didn't, all the songs would just be Kidz Bop song. But if I had to allude to Kidz Bop without actually putting them on the list, I would have to bring up this absolutely wretched version of The Who's "My Generation", as performed by Disney's Sweetheart of the Early 2000s, Hilary Duff. It sounds exactly like a Kidz Bop version of a classic rock song. (Also, if that's actually a thing, please don't tell me. I'd prefer not to know.) Not only is Hilary Duff not believable as some rebellious punk of the new generation that nobody understands, she actively tries to get away from the message of the song by changing the lyrics in the worst way possible: "Hope I die before I get old" changes to "Hope I DON'T die before I get old". I'm honestly shocked that somebody thought that any of this was a good idea, or even a passable idea. Nothing about this works. Not a single ounce of respect for the original song was put into this piece of trash, Disneyfied shitsmear... but if I had to pick one cover artist that pisses me off more than this, this would be it: 1. Anything by the Glee cast
Okay, so I allude to Kidz Bop twice. The Glee cast is like the Kidz Bop cast grown up, except because they're grown up, they should know better. But no, they insist on sucking any joy, authentic emotion, and point out of any song they can get their grubby little hands on. They are so bad that any artist that rejects their song to be covered by the Glee cast ultimately doubles my respect for said artist. Lookin' at you, Dave Grohl. Keep on being awesome. Every song cover I've heard from this awful show makes me want to stick a knife into my ear. This is the opposite of what music should be. There is nothing redeemable about this show (except Jane Lynch, because she's Jane Lynch), and I am so glad it's ending soon. Goodbye and good riddance to awful covers.
It's time to let Donald Glover on the Billboard charts.
Yeah, he's funny on Community and in stand-up. But he's also a pretty talented rapper, going under the name of Childish Gambino. How talented? Well, with almost any other rapper, I'd stop taking them seriously after this line: Girl why is you lying, girl why you Mufasa but with this guy, I don't stop.
"3005" has been out since late 2013, and it's been way too long for it to surge on the Billboard charts. I've been listening to this song on repeat because it's damn good. I think it's mostly that catchy hook. I mean, he's doing the same thing that The Black Eyed Peas did with "Boom Boom Pow", but rather than using the "thousand-years-into-the-future" thing to justify his greatness (annoying) he uses it to reassure his girlfriend that he'll always be there (sweet). Also, Childish Gambino singing beats out Fergie rapping any day. Hot 100 Success: Will he have it? Hard to say. Rap's not exactly the most popular gene right now, and this song has been hovering for awhile below the Top 50. Should he have it? God, yes. For the glory of rap music, and music in general. Til 3005 and beyond.
