I mean, Jesus Christ. Listen to this. If it weren't for Adam Levine's helium goose vocals, I would not be able to tell you what band this is. Maroon 5 used to sound like this:
Say what you will about the old Maroon 5, they at least had an identity back then. Forever wavering between sweet and saucy, experimenting with all types of different genres. While you could argue that "Love Somebody" is just Maroon 5's way of trying on another new skin, I don't really buy it because I don't even hear Maroon 5 on this song. I just hear Adam Levine backed up by a Kidz Bop production.
But that was then, and this is now. Let's see if Maroon 5 have any success retaining their former selves with their new album and new single, "Maps".
"Maps" starts out with... actually, it's pretty hard to tell what "Maps" starts out with because Adam Levine won't SHUT THE FUCK UP. When did the music become unimportant in music videos?
Okay, so it starts out with this guitar lick that's pretty good. Then Adam Levine overpowers the track with his... beautiful voice?
Look, I've listened to a lot of Maroon 5, and it is very easy to get tired of Adam Levine's whine, especially when he starts out the song with it. Whatever success the guitar brings to the track, Adam takes it away by projecting his... unique voice all the way up to 11.
But when Adam Levine's not oversinging, I think he's okay. And thankfully, he does tone it down somewhat when the chorus kicks in, and almost carries a melody. This is still the processed cheese version of Maroon 5, but it at least tries to disguise it. The operative word being "try". I mean, these drum beats, man. They sound like something I could produce on GarageBand, and I'm not well acquainted with GarageBand.
And as long as this video is going to intrude into the song, we may as well talk about it too.
Okay, so... Levine's going to the emergency room. Sorry, THEFUCKINGEMERGENCYROOM. Seriously, guys! He needs the emergency room! He's suffering from an acute shortage of acting talent!
Honestly, dude. If you're going to intrude on your own song in the video, then at least get some acting lessons. Look, he's swearing! That must mean he's... emoting?
...Okay, so we go from him at the hospital to... him driving to the hospital? What's the point of that? Did Adam Levine want to show off how cool his driving skillz are?
And hold on a second! Isn't that the girl he goes to see in the hospital? The one trying to fend off Creepy McJackass? And while she's doing so, she gets hit by a car, which serves as a lesson to all ladies: Just be submissive to random lechers you meet on the street. How nice.
And now they're at a party, which I guess is the setting where you discover that, yes, the other Maroon 5 members still exist! It's also yet another flashback. Sorry, guys, but I think Coldplay's got the backwards video deal all wrapped up. Also, Adam Levine gives the most awkward hugs of all time. Sexiest Man of 2013, as voted by People magazine.
Ohhh shit, he's a douchebag! Adam Levine's a douchebag! He's a two-timing douchebag! So the girl he was originally with leaves the party, and we get a flashback to her trying on clothes (...?), and then we get a recap of everything that happened. Wow... that was bad, and didn't make much sense the way it was told.
Wait, I don't talk about music videos on this blog! I talk about songs! Uh... it's pretty boring.
It's one of those "We're apart, but we should be together, because I still love you" songs. And even though the video is pretty intrusive, it doesn't take an interesting video to overpower this song. They have some good ideas in it with the guitar and such, and it is better than most of Overexposed, but there's nothing here that makes me go "wow". Except "Wow, that was a shitty video" or "Wow, Adam Levine needs to learn how to act" or "Wow, this video is at least more interesting than the song."
The song is a step in the right direction, but it's a baby step. And it's gonna take more than that for Maroon 5 to return to my playlist. How about instead of finding a map to some girl, you find a map back to Songs About Jane?
But that was then, and this is now. Let's see if Maroon 5 have any success retaining their former selves with their new album and new single, "Maps".
"Maps" starts out with... actually, it's pretty hard to tell what "Maps" starts out with because Adam Levine won't SHUT THE FUCK UP. When did the music become unimportant in music videos?
Okay, so it starts out with this guitar lick that's pretty good. Then Adam Levine overpowers the track with his... beautiful voice?
Look, I've listened to a lot of Maroon 5, and it is very easy to get tired of Adam Levine's whine, especially when he starts out the song with it. Whatever success the guitar brings to the track, Adam takes it away by projecting his... unique voice all the way up to 11.
But when Adam Levine's not oversinging, I think he's okay. And thankfully, he does tone it down somewhat when the chorus kicks in, and almost carries a melody. This is still the processed cheese version of Maroon 5, but it at least tries to disguise it. The operative word being "try". I mean, these drum beats, man. They sound like something I could produce on GarageBand, and I'm not well acquainted with GarageBand.
And as long as this video is going to intrude into the song, we may as well talk about it too.
Okay, so... Levine's going to the emergency room. Sorry, THEFUCKINGEMERGENCYROOM. Seriously, guys! He needs the emergency room! He's suffering from an acute shortage of acting talent!
Honestly, dude. If you're going to intrude on your own song in the video, then at least get some acting lessons. Look, he's swearing! That must mean he's... emoting?
...Okay, so we go from him at the hospital to... him driving to the hospital? What's the point of that? Did Adam Levine want to show off how cool his driving skillz are?
And hold on a second! Isn't that the girl he goes to see in the hospital? The one trying to fend off Creepy McJackass? And while she's doing so, she gets hit by a car, which serves as a lesson to all ladies: Just be submissive to random lechers you meet on the street. How nice.
And now they're at a party, which I guess is the setting where you discover that, yes, the other Maroon 5 members still exist! It's also yet another flashback. Sorry, guys, but I think Coldplay's got the backwards video deal all wrapped up. Also, Adam Levine gives the most awkward hugs of all time. Sexiest Man of 2013, as voted by People magazine.
Ohhh shit, he's a douchebag! Adam Levine's a douchebag! He's a two-timing douchebag! So the girl he was originally with leaves the party, and we get a flashback to her trying on clothes (...?), and then we get a recap of everything that happened. Wow... that was bad, and didn't make much sense the way it was told.
Wait, I don't talk about music videos on this blog! I talk about songs! Uh... it's pretty boring.
It's one of those "We're apart, but we should be together, because I still love you" songs. And even though the video is pretty intrusive, it doesn't take an interesting video to overpower this song. They have some good ideas in it with the guitar and such, and it is better than most of Overexposed, but there's nothing here that makes me go "wow". Except "Wow, that was a shitty video" or "Wow, Adam Levine needs to learn how to act" or "Wow, this video is at least more interesting than the song."
The song is a step in the right direction, but it's a baby step. And it's gonna take more than that for Maroon 5 to return to my playlist. How about instead of finding a map to some girl, you find a map back to Songs About Jane?
No comments:
Post a Comment