A song where the only ironic thing about it is the total lack of irony in all of the lyrics. So join me in the bitchfest, as we count down the top ten things that are not ironic in "Ironic"!
Honorable mention (aka the lyric closest to irony in the song): "It's like rain on your wedding day"
So, let's start with an explanation of what irony actually is. The dictionary defines it as one of three things:
1. The expression of one's meaning by using language that normally signifies the opposite, typically for humorous or emphatic effect (i.e. sarcasm, and I really don't think Alanis is being sarcastic in this song at all, and if so, that would be a great irony for me).
2. A state of affairs or an event that seems deliberately contrary to what one expects and is often amusing as a result (this is most likely the one we will be dealing with throughout).
3. A literary technique, originally used in Greek tragedy, by which the full significance of a character's words or actions are clear to the audience or reader although unknown to the character (except Alanis is fully aware of what is happening in each of these situations, so just forget about it).
This one, I suppose, could be passable as irony, as per definition 2. Something about rain's sad connotation and the happiness that comes from weddings. However, rain is a common occurrence, so I wouldn't think that it would be ridiculously contrary to expecting sunshine. But this lyric is closer to irony than anything else meant to be ironic in the song, so I give it a pass. Not so for the ten to follow...
10. "It's like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife"
Yes, while finding "ten thousand spoons" is a freak occurrence in itself, it doesn't seem deliberately contrary to wanting a knife instead. It's still more "ironic" than anything else to follow, because it's at least comparing your expectations of finding two different utensils, wh.ch is at least something to work with
9. "A no smoking sign on your cigarette break"
Okay, "no smoking" signs are everywhere. Do you really expect not to see a "no smoking" sign when you're lighting one up? Do you also not expect to see a stop sign when you're driving a car? (More on driving "ironies" later.)
8. "It's a black fly in your Chardonnay"
Oh, I get it. Because a black fly is... black, and Chardonnay is a white wine. However, opposites in colour do not necessarily denote irony. It's a funny situation, but a black fly in your Chardonnay is no different than any bug in your Chardonnay. And for God's sake, drink your Chardonnay before a bug lands in it. Gross.
7. "An old man turned 98, he won the lottery, and died the next day"
HE'S NINETY-EIGHT. Are you suggesting that it's surprising that he died at age NINETY-EIGHT? Yes, it's unfortunate, but we all have to go at some point, and ninety-eight is getting way up there in years. This is the main problem with "Ironic": A lot of events are unfortunate, but they're not contrary to expectations. Old men dying is just a fact of life, Alanis! Sorry that not everyone can be a centenarian! God!
6. "It's a death row pardon, two minutes too late"
Again, this is unfortunate, but it's not ironic. It's not even very humorous: "Ha ha, an innocent man died wrongfully." You're a sick puppy, Alanis. A sick puppy.
5. That whole second verse about the poor schmuck who died in a plane crash
This verse fails so hard at being ironic that I'm beginning to wonder if Alanis is being sarcastic in this song. Let's take a look at it, line by line:
"Mr. Play-It-Safe was afraid to fly"
Sounds... reasonable.
"He packed his suitcase and kissed his kids goodbye, he waited his whole damn life to take that flight"
This might be ironic, except... come on! Give the guy a little credit! He's trying to conquer his fear, and you're mocking him for it? Of course, the "real" irony kicks in in the last line:
"And as the plane crashed down, he thought 'Well isn't this nice...'"
Is it unreasonable to assume that the guy might have been expecting the plane to crash, at least in the back of his mind? Seriously, the only thing ironic in this entire verse is his sarcasm, but it's so tame that it can't account for the rest of the verse.
Also, why is there so much death in a song that's supposed to be about life? Now that's irony.
4. "It's meeting the man of my dreams... and then meeting his beautiful wife"
Soooo... let me get this straight. This one guy is the most perfect guy you've ever met, and you weren't expecting the dreamboat to already be married? Sorry, hun; that ain't irony, that's just a result of wishful thinking. You need a healthy dose of pessimism and lowered expectations. It works for me every time!
3. "Traffic jam when you're already late"
Again, UNFORTUNATE? Yes. Ironic? NOOOOOOO-O. A traffic jam is not directly contrary to being late; in fact, they kind of complement each other. If you're not ready to expect traffic jams on the road, then get off the road.
2. "It's a free ride when you've already paid"
This line is maddening! If you paid, then... it's not a free ride. This line goes beyond not being ironic; it doesn't even make any sense. Maybe if I worked out what the hell she meant here, I could see the irony. But as of now, nada.
1. "It's the good advice that you just didn't take"
Okay, this happens to everyone. It's not ironic; it's lack of judgment. It's a mistake. That's all it is! Not irony! Not irony at all! It's an everyday occurrence! AAAAGGGGGHHHHH
And that concludes my series of mini-rants on why "Ironic" is both not ironic and ironic in the fact that it's not ironic. Thanks for reading.
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