Wumbo's Bottom 10 Hits of 1978

1978! Disco reigns supreme... for better or for worse.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A_sY2rjxq6M

Now I will go on record as saying I like the 70s, a lot. But there could be an argument made that it was all... a little much at times. And sometimes not enough. We'll go into what all that means once we take a trip to the worst hits of 1978!

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Lot of easy rock this decade... some a bit too easy.

10. "My Angel Baby" - Toby Beau

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VBdDbXoKKjk

There's only so much of this I can take, and "My Angel Baby" crosses past the line for me. It's not like this is the worst song ever or anything, but it really doesn't need to exist. A plethora of songs like this exist that tug at the heartstrings more. And I can't get over how non-essential this song is to the conversation. Sorry.

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Wings were not a good band.

9. "With a Little Luck" - Wings

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qNWFhmNcNUc

1978 was just around the time the world should have started getting majorly sick of Paul McCartney's bullshit coasting off of being a member of the biggest band of all time. Because his own band was really not living up to the hype. I mean, just listen to this. It sounds like a primitive cheesy 80s track, with all those misplaced, misshapen synths. For such an uplifting and well-intentioned song, it sure sounds ugly and uninspired. And The Beatles were really that good, I stand by that. So what happened? I'd argue running out of ideas and forgetting what made The Beatles any good. And maybe Wings just weren't as good musicians, yet just as self-indulgent. Love ya Paul, but my patience has worn thin.

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I mean, she's the daughter of Pat Boone. What can you really expect?

8. "You Light Up My Life" - Debby Boone

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mmyy-Gmyupc

Yep. Just as squeaky-clean and sterile as you should expect. But what kills me about this song is how earnest it is. It's enough to make you feel bad for the girl, who likely never knew anything outside of Pat Boone's strict Christian upbringing. She's trying to be Barbra Streisand here. but can't quite pull it off. It's really kind of pathetic just how... pathetic she sounds. This song definitely does not light up my life.

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You know, I have to have some level of gratitude to Ray Parker Jr. for making the Ghostbusters theme, which remains an all-time classic. But does that mean I have to like everything he did?

7. "Jack and Jill" - Raydio

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ha1j2Gqj_xg

Raydio just does nothing for me, much like radio does nothing for anyone else these days. Ha-ha. Anyway, this is quite the simplistic song that tries to modernize Jack and Jill into some beleaguered love story. I really don't think we needed a song like this. If you're going to be silly, go all out, like the Ghostbusters theme! But this? It's just not something I can see anyone getting excited to listen to. Look, it's Jack and Jill. Only they're maybe-lovers now. This is interesting, for some reason. And I presume Little Jack Horner is a recluse, sitting in the corner? Miss Muffet is now lactose-intolerant? Any other ideas? Hopefully not.

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I don't think The Rolling Stones were even that old by this point, but this is a "fellow kids" move if I've ever seen one.

6. "Miss You" - The Rolling Stones

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KuRxXRuAz-I

Rolling Stones and disco do not go together. This shouldn't even be something that needs to be said, but apparently someone needed to stop this before it happened. The Rolling Stones are a rock band, and while I support genre mixing, disco is not a tool in their wheelhouse, particularly with Mick Jagger's ugly, yelpy voice. Not that the rest of the song works either. These harmonies are fucking terrible, and the instrumentation is all over the place and doesn't match up with the disco beat. If you wanted to make a hard rock song, do that. If you, for some reason, wanted to make a disco song, do that! But don't try both at the same time. Otherwise, you get this, a song I don't think anyone is missing.

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5. "You're in My Heart (The Final Acclaim)" - Rod Stewart

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v1qxJPzjObI

Is it fair to say that Rod Stewart is an... acquired taste? In any case, one that I certainly have not acquired yet. His croaking voice never resonated with me, like he was always trying too hard to sound soulful. And on a song like this, it's all you can focus on. Because I'm certainly not going to do anything with this production. Or his description of a "big bosomed lady"... yeah, if I don't like his voice, I really don't want to think about him having sex ever. That leads to a whole new set of nightmares. No thank you.

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The problems started before "We Built This City".

4. "Count on Me" - Jefferson Starship

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AOMuK7YYxeg

Jesus, I'm sorry. This sounds like the worst kind of 70s cheese. Over-produced, and almost daring to step into the 80s version of cheese. But at least that kind of corniness is usually fun. This is just annoying, and it's disappointing to hear this from the original band that gave us "White Rabbit" and "Somebody to Love". Change can be good, but not when it turns a band from that to this. And I'm not fan of "We Built This City" either, but I'll stand up for that song before I stand up for this white-bread garbage. Count on that.

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3. "Sometimes When We Touch" - Dan Hill

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uVf940pO5ME

You ever just... see the title of a song, think it sounds like the title of a soap opera, and know that you're not gonna be in for a good time? Yeah, this song lives up to its title's reputation. I'm sorry, I know there's a market for this kind of stuff. But I just can't do it. Not with this man's scratchy, weaksauce voice where the music never builds up to anything. Oh, it tricks you into thinking it's going somewhere. Trust me, it's not. And if you go by my soap opera rule, trust me, you'll find yourself a lot less disappointed when coming across songs like these. Nope, no surprises h-

At times I'd like to break you
And drive you to your knees

Whoa, whoa! Dude! What's your damage?

Other than that baffling, threatening couplet which he oddly puts more passion into than anything else in the song, as I said, nothing worth seeking out here.

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I know we're dealing with a global crisis right now. Justin Bieber's latest album. I get it, we all need ample time to heal from it. Remember when he was just a squeaky-clean, aggressively chipper little twerp? Yeah, they definitely weren't short of those in the 70s.

2. "Hey Deanie" - Shaun Cassidy

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GAuSM-uYWiU

I don't really care as I don't keep up with the career of Shaun Cassidy, but what the hell is this video? The Wonder Years? No, that was a decade later. The Partridge Family? No, that was the other Cassidy brother. Oh yeah, I don't care. Moving on!

This song is pretty much the antithesis to needing a rock n' roll guitar to sound like a real musician. Boy, it's trying to be rock n' roll! As gut-twistingly as it can. But you can't dress up a pig to make it look like a stallion, and it brings me no joy to say that, yes, Shaun Cassidy still gives off major poser vibes here. The biggest crime is that it's not a very interesting song. It works out to, at best, a mediocre rock song, and I can't see why throngs of girls would come screaming for that. I may not be a fan of teen idol singers, but at least play the part if you've got nothing better to offer! And trust me, he doesn't. But you know who should have this year?

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You're one of the most acclaimed guitarists of all time. What is this shit.

1. "Lay Down Sally" - Eric Clapton

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9hQqP6RNnDE

Most of these artists on this list, I didn't really have any expectations for. Hell, I don't even like Eric Clapton all that much. But I sure as hell expect a better song from him than doodling around on his guitar for this mid-tempo, barely-melodic, boring song. It's not even that the guitar work is bad, it just doesn't sound impressive at all. This feels like a demo version, and after hearing this time and time again on classic rock stations, I've just given up figuring out what people see in it. Me, I'm changing the station. Possibly to one playing better hits from this year, which we'll get to soon!