"Holy Grail" - Jay-Z ft. Justin Timberlake

Caution, people: Bromance ahead.

Yes, it was only a matter of time before Jay-Z and JT got together to form some kind of dream team. First Jay-Z collaborates on Justin’s album, and now the reverse is true.

My opinion of both artists, coincidentally enough, is the same: good, but massively overrated. Jay-Z’s had his share of great songs, but some of the time he’s appearing on guest parts in songs and not doing much. Timberlake’s well-established in the pop world, but sometimes he comes off as too self-indulgent for my tastes (heck, that goes for Jay-Z too). So what do I think of their latest collaboration? What do I think of the lead single off of an album so monumentally great it couldn’t stick to one historic symbol for its title? What do I think of the greatest pairing in music since Lennon and McCartney?

It’s… okay?

All right, the first step you need to take to listen to this song is to forget everything you know about Justin and Jay-Z. Specifically, the fact that both of them have made fame their submissive bitch. Why? Because this song is the two of them complaining about fame, and oh God, if you can’t suspend your disbelief, you will just shake your head.

Timberlake: You take the clothes off my back
And I let you
You'd steal the food right out my mouth
And I watch you eat it

Okay, who is “you”? Are you suggesting that fame is stripping you of your basic necessities? Because I’m pretty sure the opposite is true.

Timberlake’s first verse kind of slogs along, to be honest. And even if it didn’t, it’s still difficult to believe that JT believes what he’s saying. Look at this.

You curse my name
In spite to put me to shame

JT… in a world full of celebrity scandals, hasn’t your slate been pretty much clean? Hell, I even checked to see if there was anything I missed, and the only thing I found is that some video of his was removed from YouTube for being “explicit”.  Big whoop. Don’t feed me this.

Wanna know another problem with JT’s verse? Some of it doesn’t even make sense in any context.

Have my laundry in the streets
Dirty or clean

Your laundry? Why? Why does it matter whether it’s dirty or clean?

But the absolute most infuriating thing about this verse is this mumbly sentence in the background, which I’m told is saying “Thanks for warning me.” It sounds so snide, especially, need I remind you, coming from someone who’s made fame his bitch.

This is getting more ridiculous by the second. Let’s skip to the chorus.

One thing the chorus does right is it presents both sides of fame better than the verse. There’s like, one line in the verse where Timberlake confesses his love for fame and he even says he doesn’t know why he loves it so much. I even enjoy the ending of the chorus, where he mixes the two conflicting emotions with a “Holy Grail” metaphor joining with sipping from the cup till it runneth over, which admittedly is meant as a positive expression for having more than you need, but I think it works here as a metaphor for having too much of a good thing. It’s pretty deep, and I’d argue that the chorus is the best part of the song.

But then, uh, Jay-Z starts out with this:

Jay-Z: Blue told me to remind you niggas
Fuck that shit y’all talkin' about
I'm the nigga

Okay, I spent the longest time trying to figure out who “Blue” was, then I realized it was his one-year-old daughter of all people. Not only is this baffling, it’s needlessly vulgar if he’s referencing his one-year-old. If he really wants this line, aren’t there other people he can reference? Almost anybody would be better.

Caught up in all these lights and cameras
But look what that shit did to Hammer

Okay, so Jay-Z’s afraid he’s going to follow MC Hammer’s route and become bankrupt. *snort* Sorry, I can't hold my laughter. Jay-Z… I think you’ll be okay. But just to continue along here, what other celebrities do you want to mention that have fallen victim to the cold, grasping claws of fame?

But look what it did to Tyson

Mike Tyson? Sorry, I just can’t bring myself to feel sorry for a rapist. Who’s next?

Momma please just get my bail
I know nobody to blame
Kurt Cobain, I did it to myself

…Okay, yes, Kurt Cobain has been tortured by fame. Very tortured, in fact. But could you get any more random with this reference? What does Kurt Cobain have to do with any of the surrounding lines? I mean, are you following it up with anythi-

And we all just entertainers
And we're stupid, and contagious
Now we all just entertainers

I... don’t know whether I like that or not.

I mean, on one hand, it comes out of nowhere, and seems to only serve the purpose of bringing a shred of context to the random Kurt Cobain reference. But on the other, it still seems to work with the tone and message of the song due to the way it’s presented.

So after that... moment, we have the chorus again, and then Jay-Z launches into his second verse. This is where he gets into more reasons why fame can be a pain in the butt sometimes; reasons such as

Now I got tattoos on my body

What? So? Come on, what else ya got?

Psycho bitches in my lobby
I got haters in the paper
Photo shoots with paparazzi

All right, I can get behind this. Yes, rabid fans, “haters” and the paparazzi can all be annoying collections of people. So, maybe there’s more hope for this song than I thought. Go on…

Can't even take my daughter for a walk

Yes, because of the paparazzi. Okay, I got that.

See 'em by the corner store

Yes… anything else?

I feel like I'm cornered off

OKAY OKAY I GET IT YOU’RE NOT TOO FOND OF THE PAPARAZZI IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE AT ALL

Enough is enough, I'm calling this off

Couldn’t agree more. You’re talking about this repetitive verse, right?

Who the fuck I'm kidding though?

*groan*

I'm getting high
Sitting low
Sliding by
In that big body
Curtains all in my window

Oh, looks like Jay-Z’s had a change of heart, which explains the last line. Still, it's really sudden. A pause between the transition might have been nice.

I think back
You asked the same person
If this is all you had to deal with

Okay, another problem I have with this song is this perpetual pronoun confusion. Is “you” supposed to be fame again? And if so, fame is “asking” Jay-Z a non-question:

You asked the same person
If this is all you had to deal with
Nigga deal with it, this shit ain't work
This light work

No matter how much you want it to be one, Jay, it's not a question. (Although the “camera snapping” line right after is a nice touch in line with the double meaning of “light”.)

The verse goes on to chastise Jay-Z for denouncing fame, saying that he’s faring much better than people who aren’t famous. And that helps to salvage his part, actually. Too bad the same can’t be said for Justin, who’s still complaining after Jay-Z’s verse. Christ, the bridge after the chorus is a massive chore to sit through.

You get the air out my lungs whenever you need it
And you take the blade right out my heart just so you can watch me bleeding

You don’t get much more primadonna than this. I mean, holy crap Justin, sorry to hear that fame is watching you bleeding as you enjoy a successful comeback with your new album. Give me a fucking break.

Overall, this song has its good and bad. At its worst, it’s fake, overdramatic, and irritating. At its best, it’s an interesting commentary that shows both signs of fame. At its weirdest…

And we all just entertainers
And we're stupid, and contagious
Now we all just entertainers

It’s… it’s that.

Both artists are responsible for some good and some bad, but given the reputation these two need to hold up, you’d think they would come up with a better lead-off single than this. Makes me wonder if Jay-Z’s album title deserves even one mention of religious symbolism, let alone two.

Finally, why don't I have the video version of this song? Because the remix on it is atrocious. Take my word for it, don't even bother.

Agree? Disagree? Comment below!