CanTunes Tuesday: "Rude" - MAGIC!

This is stupid.

I mean, I hate this. I really, really really hate this. I used to weep for the Canadian music that makes its way across the border, but lately I've been realizing that the music that stays here can be just as bad, if not worse.

Well, I guess "stay here" isn't exactly accurate. The song has charted rather highly in Australia and New Zealand as well, but I really doubt many Americans know about these guys. Well, here's a little backstory: This is Nasri Atweh.

I've honestly never heard of the guy before doing this review, but apparently he's written and produced a lot of hit songs. Like this one:

Yep, you have this guy to thank for one of the stupidest songs of 2013. Anyway, in 2013 he also founded a pop-reggae band called MAGIC! At The Disco (not really, but it could get them sued, which I would be in favour of). No, the band's just called MAGIC!, but it's just as annoying. And here we are with their first single, "Rude".

Why you gotta be so rude?

Actually, that's a good point, Nasri. Why do I have to be so rude? It's just a song, after all. I shouldn't get too offended by it, should I? Well, let me tell you about a trend that needs to die off for good. Asking your girlfriend's father for his blessing to get married. That's some Romeo & Juliet shit up in there, seriously. And it's also what the song is all about.

You see, the person that is actually being "rude" is the father, for saying no, you can't marry my daughter. Hey, here's a thought. Did anyone think to ask the daughter in all this commotion?

I mean, doesn't she get a say in this matter? Is she even in the vicinity where this is happening? She pops up at the end of the video, but that's about it. Somehow I feel like it would be hilarious if the girl rejected him as well, because... well, the guy comes off as kind of a whiny douche.

Why you gotta be so rude?
Don't you know I'm human too?
Why you gotta be so rude?
I'm gonna marry her anyway

But... then why would you ask in the first place?

Knocked on your door with heart in my hand
To ask you a question
'Cause I know that you're an old-fashioned man, yeah, yeah

Okay, he's got old-fashioned values, but it still does no good to blow off his answer... wait, what's that first line?

Knocked on your door with heart in my hand

With... heart in your hand? Okay, isn't the expression "heart on your sleeve"? I just get the impression of you grasping a human heart in your hand, blood gushing down your wrist onto the poor guy's front porch. I think I'm beginning to understand why he doesn't want you marrying his daughter.

Of course, it doesn't matter what he says, because as I said before, his response is

I'm gonna marry her anyway

What's the point of this song? It's just a guy being a pissy jackoff to his girlfriend's already uptight father. I mean, if you love her and she loves you, then yes. You should get married. But this song reads like you're rubbing it in his face, and if you're not careful, it might seem like the only reason you're getting married.

I hate to do this, you leave no choice

I can't live without her

Love me or hate me we will be both

"We will be both"? Okay, quit it with these awkward phrases. No one says that, and it doesn't even make sense. I know you probably think this is how those craaaaazy reggae people talk, but they have a better grasp on the English language than you ever will.

God, this sucks. Between the faux-Jamaican accent, the passive-aggressive narrator, and the stupid, stupid wording, this just has incompetence written all over it. Also, I hate to say it, but judging by this guy's previous work, he's always kind of been terrible. Either that, or he just picks terrible artists to work with. Justin Bieber and Chris Brown? If your taste in girls is as bad as your taste in music artists, then I don't think she's worth getting into a tizzy with her father over. Also it's not worth writing a song about. Please stop writing music. Thank you!

Why you gotta be so rude?

Well, I suppose it's my calling. Sorry it had to be this way.

Monday Musings: Serious vs. Silly

Sometimes, it feels as though pop music can be divided into two categories.

Actually, I'm joking. It never feels like that. But there are certainly ways of comparing pop songs to each other (it would be awfully hard to do my blog if there weren't), and one of those ways is judging how serious or silly a pop song is. Now, it's definitely a sliding scale, and sometimes you can't even tell if a pop song is supposed to be serious or silly. Take this, for instance:

This is R.E.M.'s "Shiny Happy People". It was released in mid-1991 and was embraced as a simple, catchy pop song from the decidedly complicated band. But the joke was on R.E.M., who intended the song to be a parody of a catchy pop song, really calling to mind the oppression maintained in China through propaganda, or, as put more eloquently by the Chinese government, "shiny happy people holding hands". The band hated the song since, not including it on their first greatest hits album and rarely playing it live. It just goes to show what can happen when you don't know how seriously, or maybe ironically, to take a song.

What if Alanis Morissette meant for "Ironic" not to have any irony in it, thereby making the song ironic? Who knows? Still hate the song.

Anyway, I suppose the degree to which you take certain pop songs seriously must come from the degree to which you take pop music seriously as a whole. I'm usually of the mind that you can't be too serious with pop music. If you had to be, then there would be no Weird Al to grace us with his formidable talent. That said, no one wants to necessarily see their sacred cows get taken down, either. As much as I don't understand Beliebers, I would understand them getting angry at me if I jibbed and jabbed at the twatsicle a few too many times. Yes, that would include calling him a twatsicle.

So when it comes down to "is this song serious" or "is this song silly", it's all very subjective. I haven't met anybody yet who feels a spiritual connection with "Gangnam Style", but if they do, then fine. More power to them. I've never met anybody who listens to "Hallelujah" for a laugh, either. If they do... uh, I don't know what's so funny, but keep doing your thing.

Overall, I guess this was more of a philosophy session than an opinion piece. But I think it's important to just back away from it all and think about why we like or dislike certain things, or why we find certain things funny, or serious. More in-depth reviews about my likes and dislikes coming this week. Stay tuned!

"Turn Down for What" - DJ Snake & Lil Jon

Someone help me. What angle do I take with this?

What do I say? What do I do? What have I gotten myself into? Ohh, brother.

All right... this is DJ Snake.

He produced Lady Gaga's Born This Way album, earning him a Grammy nomination. Not that anyone really watches the Grammys, but it's still worth noting. Somewhat.

He's also remixed quite a few songs, including Duck Sauce's "It's You" and Kanye West's "New Slaves". And today, he makes his mark on the Billboard Hot 100 with a credit to his name. Featuring Lil Jon, it's

TURN DOWN FOR WHAT?!?

Thanks, Lil Jon. Well, I guess I can start my review off by saying that this really, really isn't my style of music. Like, not even a little. It's not that I don't like hip hop or electronic music. But trap's combination of the two? It's just not my thing. Most of the time, it's too harsh for me without any substance in the lyrics (well, if there are any) or music. I mean, you remember my hatred of "Harlem Shake". My bitter, bitter, hatred of "Harlem Shake". I think I left out quite a few adjectives, actually. Well, "Harlem Shake" isn't really indicative of the problems I have with trap music. "Harlem Shake" is in a league of its own on badness. If I wanted to hear a zipper opening and closing repeatedly, I would do it myself. And don't get me started on that stupid trend. Oh my god that trend why does society hate me- *cough* Moving on.

So, back to trap music in general. If I don't think there's any substance, does that mean I think all instrumental music is bad? Well, I do usually like to have lyrics with my music, but I think instrumental can stand on its own sometimes. Hell, even silence can stand on its own sometimes. So, what's the deal here? Why can't I find meaning in trap music?

Well, despite instrumentals not having any lyrics, good ones still manage to convey a mood. However, the only mood I get from "Turn Down for What" and other songs like it are "I'M IN THE CLUB, I'M IN THE CLUB, I'M IN THE CLUUU-UB". It doesn't sound like a club I'd particularly want to go to, either. See, picture that one dickhead you know that's always going out and getting wasted or blazed, and never contributing to society. That's all I can picture when I hear this type of music.

Maybe I'm just not cut out for reviewing this song, and god damn it, that makes me mad, especially when I'm implying that Lil Jon of all people is too cerebral for my tastes.

Lil Jon is an artist I've had a tolerate/loathe relationship with. I think I can only really appreciate him if I'm in the right mood. Like, if I'm depressed, then no, Lil Jon is not going to help me out of it by screaming "GET OUTTA YOUR MIND" in my ear. But if I'm in a party mood? Yeah, I wouldn't mind him. However, I will say this: "Turn Down for What" is the worst use of Lil Jon I've heard since "Do You Remember".

Do you remember? Well, this is a song where I won't blame you if you don't. It was released by Jay Nobody and really ended up going nowhere. But the worst crime this song committed was having Lil Jon on the track. Somehow, Jay Yawn's quasi-swagger just didn't match up with Lil Jon screaming "YEAH, ALRIGHT, BRING IT BACK!" Hey, speaking of "YEAH", there was a great Lil Jon song.

But anyway, "Turn Down for What" fails with Lil Jon for a different reason: Lil Jon sounds like a guest on the track, rather than taking over the track, which is what he's good at. Reducing him to interjecting only every minute ruins the essence of Lil Jon and his masterful work. YEAAAYUH!

And maybe if the music was interesting, that'd be one thing... but instead of being interesting for me, it's just loud, harsh and obnoxious. It's not really changing up the music so much as tossing what's already been done into a blender. The question is: Will it blend? Well, no. No, it doesn't.

I'm done with this. If you like this type of music, I won't hold it against you. In fact, I might even respect you for seeing something that I don't. But... what? What do you see? Show me. Please.

TURN DOWN FOR WHAT?!?

Turn down for what? Turn down for some more enjoyable music, please. I'm out.

Weekend Wrap-Up (Apr. 6-12 2014): Gaga, Kanye, and Rock & Roll

We end this week with a wrap-up. A weekend wrap-up, if you will! Well, I thought it made a good title.

So, the weekend wrap-up will basically consist of news stories about music I've gathered during the week, just to keep y'all updated. Not that my blog doesn't do that already, but sometimes it's best to just get the cold, hard facts and stray away from editorials. So, here's what I've gathered this week:

Lady Gaga is teasing a Volume 2 of her less-than-smash hit album Artpop. She says she's hoping to see a release "soon", with more "experimental material". It may be slated to be released before her Artpop tour.

Acts performing in the seventh annual Outside Lands Festival have been released. Kanye West will be headlining the festival, and he will be joined by Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers, The Killers, Macklemore & Ryan Lewis, and more.

The inductees for The rock and Roll Hall of Fame this year have been released. The inductees include KISS, Nirvana, Cat Stevens, Peter Gabriel, and Hall & Oates. KISS's induction has sparked some controversy, as the organization has chosen to induct only the original members, ignoring replacement members. They have refused to perform at the ceremony, with or without makeup.

Also, Joan Jett is slated to perform with Nirvana at the induction ceremony. Should be an interesting show.

That's all I have for now, and that's the week setup! I hope you like the idea, and I'm going to continue with it from now on... until further notice.

Flashback Friday: "Celebrate" - Three Dog Night (1970)

Well, I didn't say it was all going to change, did I? Flashback Friday is still Flashback Friday! So this week, let's take another look back at 1970. This week, we're looking at Three Dog Night.

This is "Celebrate". It's not their biggest hit, not by a long shot (there's something about a Year-End #1 Song?), but I feel like celebrating after getting through the first week of blog reconstruction. And since Kool & The Gang won't return my calls, let's go with this song!

Celebrate, celebrate, dance to the music

Celebrate, celebrate, dance to the music

This is a pretty good song. It appears to be about a guy coaxing another guy to go out dancing instead of sitting at home alone. For some reason, this really speaks to me.

It doesn't age terribly well, but it does have this antique feel to it instead. 

Ready or not, gonna make it to the city

This is the night to go to the celebrity ball

Do they even do "balls" anymore? I'm pretty sure one day they all just got replaced with clubs playing dubstep.

If I want to celebrate, I wouldn't turn down this song. Three Dog Night sounds as though they're having fun with it, and while a tad repetitive, the lyrics do appeal to  fun, lively nature. So, celebrate! Everybody celebrate. Good times! Come on!

...Yahoo?

Top 5 Thursday: Top 5 Lady Gaga Videos

Welcome to Top 5 Thursday! Now I've noticed that in more than a few of my reviews, I come off as excessively negative and pessimistic. So here's a segment where I will always stress positivity! Well, not really. I could do something like "Top 5 Reasons Justin Bieber Needs to Jump Off a Cliff", but it's still a fun segment for me to do. So without further ado, let's talk about Lady Gaga's music videos.

If there's one music artist out there still treating the music video with some dignity, it's Gaga. You could argue that Katy Perry or Miley Cyrus are worth mentioning in this medium, but they still pale in comparison to what Gaga has done. Basically, what they're doing now is playing catch-up, and they've still got a lot of work to do before that happens.

Now, Gaga has good and bad videos. This week I'll be focusing on the good, but I might focus on the bad sometime later. Who knows? Anything can happen, just like... well, a Gaga video. Let's get right down to it! Here are my Top 5 Gaga videos.

5. "Born This Way"

Lady Gaga's got a lot of videos that seem to be weird for weirdness's sake. Most of the time, those don't work for me. But this video works for me just because the weirdness mostly comes from the "birth" image, which works because, well, the song's called "Born This Way". This video also has a lot of dancing in it, so it had better be choreographed well. And I think it is.

4. "The Edge of Glory"

Weirdness can work just fine, but sometimes you just need a video that captures the mood of the song in a simple way. "The Edge of Glory"s video does this really well. I love the lighting, the outfit, and the setting. It doesn't hurt that I also love the song.

3. "G.U.Y."

I only looked at the shortened version of this, because after "Marry The Night"s 13 minutes of nothing, I was nearly Gaga'ed out. Thank God I stuck through it to the end, because this is a fantastic piece of work. It fits the mood of the song perfectly, for starters. Lady Gaga prides herself on being a sex queen, and this video certainly gets the job done by being sexy as all hell, providing eye candy for both G.U.Y.s and G.I.R.L.s. (I had to.) It's a good kind of ridiculous, topped off with Mr. Dreamboat in the cloud.

2. "Judas"

This video is proof that I looked at the videos for the list, rather than the songs, because I greatly dislike "Judas" the song. I think it's a bad remake of "Bad Romance" that comes off as annoying and over-the-top, and not in the good way. But I do have to give the video credit for what it is, because it does relate to the song extremely well. It has some of the best, most relevant imagery and symbolism that a Gaga video has ever had. Also, like "Born This Way", it has great choreography.

1. "Bad Romance"

To understand Lady Gaga videos, you have to go back to "Bad Romance". And to understand why I hate certain Lady Gaga videos, you have to go back to "Bad Romance". Because some videos that have tried to be another "Bad Romance" have failed, because Gaga didn't seem to understand what made "Bad Romance" work. It wasn't because it was strange; it was because the strangeness worked. In songs that are more poppy with less of a creepy edge, the creepy, strange imagery just won't work. But "Bad Romance" rocks the song to the next level. It's beautifully, wonderfully disturbing, from Gaga's bath house to the burnt corpse. Fantastic.

And that's my Top 5 Lady Gaga videos! Tune in tomorrow for a... familiar segment.

Watch-for-it Wednesday: "19 You + Me" - Dan + Shay

Hey, welcome to Watch-for-it Wednesday! Yes, the alliteration. It amuses me.

So, here's the premise of Watch-for-it Wednesday: There's a chart on the Billboard website called "Heatseekers Songs". These are songs by artists who have not yet cracked the Top 50 of the Billboard Hot 100, but are gaining in popularity all the same. Over time, many of the artists who top the charts do become popular, such as Ke$ha, LMFAO, and Luke Bryan to name a few. So as I look at the present and the past, I find it's only fitting to cast my third eye on the future of pop songs. Yeah, I have a third eye. It's fairly useful. So here's the first song, "19 You + Me" by Dan + Shay!

Oh, good. Another pop "country" song.

Okay, rant time. Let's see here: In the vast homogenization of different genres to create an eventual world where all music will sound like current Maroon 5 with Harry Styles on vocals... I feel as though country music has taken the biggest hit this. Take a look at this song that was a big contender for my Worst Of list last year.

See, why should you only take one genre into the gutter, when you can bring two along for the ride? Haha, hahahaha... fuck this song.

But despite the many flaws with "Cruise", not least of which is the fact that it dulls country music and rap music, it's not really indicative of what I'm talking about. So why bring it up? Because I just thought I'd let you know that "Cruise" sucks. But really, what I'm talking about with country music is something more along the lines of this:

This is a shit song. The reason it's shit is because of the opening lines:

I got that real good feel good stuff
Up under the seat of my big black jacked up truck
Rollin' on 35s
Pretty girl by my side

You got that sun tan skirt and boots
Waiting on you to look my way and scoot
Your little hot self over here

Girl hand me another beer, yeah!

Now, see if you can spot the three main themes of country music these days. Did you say "trucks, girls, and beer"? Ding ding ding! We have a winner!

People complain about rap music for being too generic these days, and they're not wrong, not by a long shot. But there are still rap songs that stand out today. I can't say the same for country music. Country music these days falls into three different categories:

1. Barely-country pop music sludge like "Cruise"
2. Shitty truck beer girl repeat ad nauseam like "That's My Kind of Night"
3. The sometimes tolerable cutesy love song from dreamy-looking guy(s), which "19 You + Me" falls into

Wow, that was a lot of ranting. But this is the first current country song I'm reviewing, so I had a lot to get off my chest. So, how does this song fare?

Watchin' that blonde hair swing
To every song I'd sing
You were California beautiful
I was playin' everything but cool

Ehh, it's okay.

What can I say? They don't do much to stand out, and that's probably why they haven't quite broken through yet. I'm sure they will eventually, because they've got cute faces when they're not contorting them into squished tomatoes to belt out their vocals.

Yeah, exactly. But even though these guys seem relatively harmless... actually, no. That's the problem. They're harmless to the music industry. There's nothing new or innovative here. Look, these guys seem nice and I'm sure they'll do fine. But I just don't have any use for this song. Maybe we need more lovey-dovey country songs to pretty girls. I don't know. I'm not one. Well, maybe I am pretty. But that's not for anyone to judge. Moving on...

Billboard Success:

Will they have it?

Sure they will. 2014's been lacking in the country department so far. Maybe these guys are the second coming of Hunter Hayes.

Should they have it?

Ehh, I don't think they're anything special. This just isn't my style of music, and it doesn't have subject matter I can identify with. I'm gonna say "no". There's just not much there for me.

And that's my Watch-for-it Wednesday! Tune in tomorrow for yet another alliteratively charming name for a segment!

CanTunes Tuesday: "Crazy for You" - Hedley

Well guys, here's the deal. Being a Canadian blogger, Canadian Content laws have cracked down on me, so I need to do this segment once a week where I review Canadian hit songs.

Kidding, kidding, only kidding. I'm actually doing this out of my own free will. I'm not sure how popular it will be, as most Canadian music never really crosses the border. But I think it's important to add a little extra homegrown flavour to my blog (that's "flavour" with a "u"). And what better way to do that than to find out which acts are striking it big in Canada?

Well, uh, here's the thing: Our charts have a lot of the same songs as your charts. In fact, only two of the top ten of the Canadian Hot 100 songs are actually by Canadian artists. But they are there, so let's start things off with "Crazy for You" by Hedley.

Geeeeaaaaauuugh.

Okay, here's the deal with Hedley: They're, like, superstars over here. And there was once a time where I might have called Hedley a decent band. Kind of a less excruciating and more fun Simple Plan. But then they released their late 2013 single, "Anything".

This just reeks of sellout. That song made me question Hedley, but then "Crazy for You" just made me give up on them. Okay, to put into perspective how much Hedley has changed, here's a look at their first single:

And you know what? I like this song. It's fun, upbeat, and catchy. More importantly, Hedley had a personality with this song, something they utterly, utterly lack in "Crazy for You".

I mean, honestly. What are they trying to do here? Rip off Daft Punk? Oh my God, that is what they're doing. SELLOUTS! BAD SELLOUTS!

No no no no no. If I want "Get Lucky", I will listen to "Get Lucky". Jacob Hoggard (yep, that's the lead singer's name), YOU ARE NOT DAFT PUNK!

It's such a shame, really. I liked Hedley when they did songs like "On My Own". Hell, even when they did their slower ballads, I didn't mind it, because at least they were still themselves! Even "Anything", though it reeks of sellout, still has the uplifting message that you can do anything you set your mind to, which is part of Hedley's style. Being an individual and not caring about what other people say. This... this is painful to sit through.

I mean, I guess "Crazy for You" isn't a bad-sounding song, but it's not Hedley. It's Hedley trying to be another artist. And that doesn't sit well with me at all. I can handle it with an artist like Bruno Mars, because he's actually better at being other artists than he is being himself. But Hedley had a decent personality for themselves, damnit! And they're throwing it away, song by song.

I'm so crazy for you

Well, I'm sorry Hedley. I'm about as far from being crazy for you as I've ever been. There's no way that Hedley will go back to their old roots at this point, but if this is the path they decide to take, then I guess I can't force them to do otherwise. This isn't really a terrible song, but I weep for the death of a band's integrity today.

So, that's Tuesday for ya, eh? Come back Wednesday for yet another new segment!

Monday Musings: Review of Pharrell's G I R L

It's Monday! Time for a new segment I like to call "Monday Musings"! Now I know that everybody hates Mondays, even cats that have no reason to hate Mondays.

You don't even go to work. Shut up. Well, I hope that my musings will help you all through each dreadful Monday. These musings can be anything! Album reviews, editorials, and if I'm feeling gutsy, maybe a song parody. This Monday I'm doing an album review, and my first target is Pharrell.

I gave "Happy" kind of a middling review when I first tackled it, but since then my opinion has improved, especially after hearing much, much worse happy-happy joy-joy songs. Pharrell's got a certain groove about him, and today, I'm going to go through his latest album, G I R L, track by track, to see if he retains his groove for an entire album. Here we go!

All the songs can be found on that video above.

The album starts off with a string section, leading into the dancey yet desperate "Marilyn Monroe". What's interesting about this song is that the song doesn't glorify Marilyn Monroe. In fact, it acts as quite dismissive of the blonde bombshell. He wants "a different girl", not one who you might expect. But the search for this girl proves difficult. He describes himself as a helpless romantic. But the search is not impossible, as he finds someone, and is mesmerized by her.

Dear diary, it's happenin' again
This energy, like I'm 'bout to win
I just close my eyes and visions appear
She's everything I want, and it's crystal clear

Overall, an excellent opener for the album. And just in case Pharrell didn't convince you that he's charming, he brings in Justin Timberlake for the second track, "Brand New". Actually, can I be honest here? Listening to this song, I think Timberlake detracts from it. Pharrell can carry a song by himself, and Timberlake doesn't do much to differentiate himself from Pharrell except sing in a higher octave. This might have been better without the guest vocalist. Also, there's only so many times you can listen to this:

You got me feelin' brand new
Like the tag's still on me

before it just starts sounding stupid.

Okay, a less-than-impressive song. The next one is called "Hunter". It returns to Pharrell going solo, and he uses hunting as a metaphor for having sex. I think he goes a little too far with it.

Taxidermy is on my walls
With the full description of the killin' calls

Not exactly the sexiest of imagery...?

Furthermore, "Hunter" just doesn't seem to fit Pharrell's persona. Maybe if he used his lower register, it might have worked, but the tone and subject matter of the song don't match up. It's... it's kind of a mess. Sorry.

The next song is "Gush". The first few songs appeared to be about meeting the girl, convincing her to sleep with you, and the foreplay that ensues, and now we're into the sex phase. I'll give this album this so far: it does decide on a theme and sticks to it.

As for the song? Ehh... it's okay. It's kind of misguided with the string instrumental, which just doesn't strike me as "sexy" so much as "romantic". It's a subtle distinction, I realize, but there is a distinction. Nevertheless, the song appears to keep a steady, believable tone throughout it and it works.

So I guess after sex, there's a certain emotion you feel. No, it's not regret. It's "Happy"!

Well, I tried to make it work, but this song doesn't really fit into the album's structure. I could see this as a good opener, or even a solid finisher. But smack in the middle? No, I don't think so. It's a good song on its own, but I don't think it fits into this album. But who knows? Maybe once the album finishes, I'll see the bigger picture.

The next song is "Come Get It Bae" featuring Miley Cyrus. And you know what? Let's give Pharrell credit where credit is due; he is a great producer. I mean, you'd have to be to make Miley Cyrus sound good. This song works great with the two of them, and fits right into the album's tone.

Next up is "Gust of Wind" featuring Daft Punk. Seems only fair to return the favour, after Pharrell collaborated with Daft Punk for one of the biggest hits of last summer. This song rocks. Then again, pretty much everything Daft Punk touches is gold to me. There's something about robot voices, I guess.

Now we have a song called "Lost Queen". This song gets a little too silly at parts for me:

Get your motor runnin', runnin', vroom-vroom

You really have to listen to the song to get the full extent of the silliness of "vroom-vroom".

But the music is great, and sets the mood for an exotic place. Kind of an "Amazon queen" vibe. By the way, it's worth noting that Pharrell meant for this album to be feminist to solidify his attitude towards women. Worth doing after collaborating on a track like "Blurred Lines". So far, no song highlights this attitude more than this one. He does get a little off track by talking about how he was a "player" at points, but most of the song is just showing his devotion and worship of this woman he meets. It's not disgusting or douchey, like a lot of R&B is nowadays. It's just sweet. Good Guy Pharrell.

Next is the hidden track called "Freq". This one's interesting. It doesn't have a lot of lyrical content, and does get repetitive at times, but it does set a dreamlike mood, which both adds and detracts from the song. What I meant by that is some of the lyrics work with it, and some don't.

You see I'd rather be a freq than not bein' me
Individuality makes life better

I can see these lines having a tune like "Happy", but it doesn't really fit into this song. The other lines do, though, so the song's okay.

Now we have "Know Who You Are" featuring Alicia Keys. Now this is definitely a feminist song, and Alicia Keys being on the track is just the icing on the cake. Pharrell and Keys work magic together, and this is probably my second favourite song on the album, next to "Marilyn Monroe".

Finally, we end the album with a song called "It Girl". It's okay, but not the greatest finisher I've ever heard. Honestly, I would have preferred if this was left somewhere in the middle, and "Know Who You Are" finished the album, which is a much stronger track. Not that this is a bad song, but there's just not much here. It also doesn't help that I think of Jason Derulo when I hear "It Girl". Uuuuuugggghhh.

Overall, this is a solid album, but not excellent. For the most part, it does seems to stay true to its theme, and there are some standout tracks here. But Pharrell loses me at points by getting too silly or just not hitting the notes quite right. The guest stars work great, except JT, who honestly should have been left off of the album. I would cautiously recommend it for casual R&B listeners who are looking to shake things up a little bit. And that's that. Seeya Tuesday with another new segment!

"Best Day of My Life" - American Authors

Hey, welcome to the new schedule! Yes, Sunday will be the new day for my current pop song reviews, and oh boy, are we ever starting off with a doozy.

Okay, okay. I'll start you off with a riddle: What do you get when you combine Owl City with Imagine Dragons, while sounding immensely more vapid than either artist? Huh? Well, if this song is any indication, you get American Authors.

I had a dream so big and loud

You had a dream so big and loud. You know what else you have? The combination of words scientifically guaranteed to piss me off. Combine that with an Owl City-like wail, and oh my freaking god, I was never meant to like this, was I?

Okay... just to clarify, there's nothing wrong with positivity. I consider myself a pretty positive person, despite evidence suggesting otherwise.

"This song sucks!"

"This is the modern-day suicide song."

"I don't like Beyoncé."

Yes, exactly that. But this is... well, what is this? Why exactly does this piss me off? I can't really say it's "lifeless"; it's got a catchy tune to it. Thanks again, Imagine Dragons!

Okay, that could be a reason that this song grinds my gears. I don't like Owl City.

I think Adam Young's got an absolutely wretched nasal voice, and he's got this aura of pretentiousness about him that I just can't get behind:

I'd like to make myself believe

That planet Earth turns slowly

You want time to slow down. Okay? Now knock it off.

Anyway, when I hear an Imagine Dragons-esque riff leading the song, I don't want to hear an Owl City-esque voice and Owl City-esque lyrics. And that brings us back to

I had a dream so big and loud

Actually, it's kind of an insult to Owl City to call this an Owl City-esque lyric. Sure, his stuff was pretentious and not my style, but this? No, this is just stupid. This sounds like a five-year-old wrote it, for Christ's sake. "Mommy! Mommy! I had a dream so big and loud!"

And that's it. It's not the unbridled optimism and happy-happy joy-joy that bothers me. It's the stupidity that goes with it. Anybody could have wrote this. Look, maybe this song might inspire optimism in people, but one thing it doesn't do is create an identity for the band, especially since they sound like two other, better music artists! Seriously, The Wiggles have more depth than these guys. Hot Potato indeed.

Oo-o-o-oo 
This is gonna be the best day of my li-i-ife 

My li-i-i-i-i-ife 

Okay, the "dream so big and loud" line pisses me off more than anything else in the song, but this lackluster chorus comes close. I say this song reminds me of Owl City and Imagine Dragons, but honestly, this is what it really reminds me of:

God, I'm really going with the children's shows angle, aren't I? Well, this is a children's song. A bad children's song at that. What am I supposed to do with this?

I'm never gonna look back, whoa

Never gonna look back at what? Your dream? That's exactly what you're doing before you spout this!

I had a dream so big a- no, we're going to stop looking back at that lyric before I go crazy.

Okay, I get that there's a place for happy songs. But do they have to be so stupid? Hell, I can think of a happy song in the Top 10 that I'd rather listen to than this. (Hint: It's called "Happy".) So, we don't need these guys! 

I howled at the moon with friends 

And then the sun came crashing in 

And then it crashed into you, destroying you all. Bye-bye!