"Best Day of My Life" - American Authors

Hey, welcome to the new schedule! Yes, Sunday will be the new day for my current pop song reviews, and oh boy, are we ever starting off with a doozy.

Okay, okay. I'll start you off with a riddle: What do you get when you combine Owl City with Imagine Dragons, while sounding immensely more vapid than either artist? Huh? Well, if this song is any indication, you get American Authors.

I had a dream so big and loud

You had a dream so big and loud. You know what else you have? The combination of words scientifically guaranteed to piss me off. Combine that with an Owl City-like wail, and oh my freaking god, I was never meant to like this, was I?

Okay... just to clarify, there's nothing wrong with positivity. I consider myself a pretty positive person, despite evidence suggesting otherwise.

"This song sucks!"

"This is the modern-day suicide song."

"I don't like Beyoncé."

Yes, exactly that. But this is... well, what is this? Why exactly does this piss me off? I can't really say it's "lifeless"; it's got a catchy tune to it. Thanks again, Imagine Dragons!

Okay, that could be a reason that this song grinds my gears. I don't like Owl City.

I think Adam Young's got an absolutely wretched nasal voice, and he's got this aura of pretentiousness about him that I just can't get behind:

I'd like to make myself believe

That planet Earth turns slowly

You want time to slow down. Okay? Now knock it off.

Anyway, when I hear an Imagine Dragons-esque riff leading the song, I don't want to hear an Owl City-esque voice and Owl City-esque lyrics. And that brings us back to

I had a dream so big and loud

Actually, it's kind of an insult to Owl City to call this an Owl City-esque lyric. Sure, his stuff was pretentious and not my style, but this? No, this is just stupid. This sounds like a five-year-old wrote it, for Christ's sake. "Mommy! Mommy! I had a dream so big and loud!"

And that's it. It's not the unbridled optimism and happy-happy joy-joy that bothers me. It's the stupidity that goes with it. Anybody could have wrote this. Look, maybe this song might inspire optimism in people, but one thing it doesn't do is create an identity for the band, especially since they sound like two other, better music artists! Seriously, The Wiggles have more depth than these guys. Hot Potato indeed.

Oo-o-o-oo 
This is gonna be the best day of my li-i-ife 

My li-i-i-i-i-ife 

Okay, the "dream so big and loud" line pisses me off more than anything else in the song, but this lackluster chorus comes close. I say this song reminds me of Owl City and Imagine Dragons, but honestly, this is what it really reminds me of:

God, I'm really going with the children's shows angle, aren't I? Well, this is a children's song. A bad children's song at that. What am I supposed to do with this?

I'm never gonna look back, whoa

Never gonna look back at what? Your dream? That's exactly what you're doing before you spout this!

I had a dream so big a- no, we're going to stop looking back at that lyric before I go crazy.

Okay, I get that there's a place for happy songs. But do they have to be so stupid? Hell, I can think of a happy song in the Top 10 that I'd rather listen to than this. (Hint: It's called "Happy".) So, we don't need these guys! 

I howled at the moon with friends 

And then the sun came crashing in 

And then it crashed into you, destroying you all. Bye-bye!