But unfortunately, today I also have to deal with another chapter in the perpetual and perplexing resurrection that is Chris Brown's career.
These hoes ain’t loyal
These hoes ain’t loyal
Oh, your "hoes" aren't loyal, Chris Brown? Your "hoes" aren't loyal? Well, I wouldn't be either, after being punched in the face repeatedly!
Okay, I tried to ignore the elephant in the room on the last review I did with Chris Brown in it, but no. This cannot be ignored any longer.
On February 8th, 2009, Chris Brown violently beat up and threatened to kill then-girlfriend Rihanna. Since then, he turned from dreamboat Usher wannabe to insufferable jackoff, never justifying why we still choose to accept him into pop culture. Look! Here he is with a tattoo of a battered woman! Here he is attacking Frank Ocean with a side of homophobic comments! Here he is being a twat on Twitter! The levels of douchebaggery in this man are endless!
Yet, somehow... he still has fans. And the fans he has deeply, deeply disturb me. But they're enough that he can still manage to get into the Top 20 of the Billboard Hot 100. So it looks like, whether I want to or not, I have to review a Chris Brown song.
I wasn't born last night
Oh, hi there Lil Wayne. You weren't born last night, eh? You could've fooled me.
Lil Wayne kind of frustrates me. He can be really talented when he wants to be, but most of the time he just goes bare minimum and starts to sound like a parody of today's rap music. Here, Lil Wayne introduces the song's thesis: Don't trust gold diggin' hoes.
Nigga, that’s that nerve
Why give a bitch your heart
When she rather have a purse?
I'm sorry, "give a bitch your heart"? I'm expected to believe that Lil Wayne is this big softie underneath it all? Well, I don't. So whatever this song is doing, it's not enough.
Lil Wayne's verse is mostly a wash, but let's see if *shudder* Chris Brown does anything to make this song better.
Just got rich
Took a broke nigga’s bitch
I can make a broke bitch rich
But I don’t fuck with broke bitches
Okay, so let's count all the things wrong with this set of "lyrics":
1. Rhyming "rich" with "bitch" with "rich" with "bitches".
2. "Broke", "bitch" and "rich" are used entirely too much as a whole.
3. You can't complain about gold digging girls if you are specifically singling out gold digging girls to date.
4. I want to punch Chris Brown in his ugly face every time I see him.
Okay, that last one strayed a bit. But there's so much wrong here, and we're barely into the song. To quote "Pompeii", how am I gonna be an optimist about this? Oh, that I were listening to that song.
Actually, that's not a bad idea. Yeah. You listen to "Loyal", then review it for yourself, while I get my faith restored in popular music by listening to a little Bastille! No? Worth a try.
Where this song fails hardest is that we're expected to sympathize with Chris Brown, Lil Wayne, and Tyga. I can't bring myself to sympathize with one of them, let alone all of them. It's just an ugly song throughout, and I can't bring myself to bother pointing out anything else about this song. I'd just like to encourage everyone to stop giving Chris Brown support. He does not deserve it. Not for his music, and not for his attitude.
Also, WHAT THE HELL IS THIS THING
Bear... head.. man? Okay, I've had enough. Bear-head-man is where I absolutely draw the line. Go die in a fire, Chris Brown.
No comments:
Post a Comment