Full of love, and passion, and goodwill toward men, right? Not something to whine about, right? Well... see... here's the thing: Charity singles are generally garbage.
It's not even that there aren't good ensembles sometimes; indeed, most charity singles have great ensembles of artists. But I think The Simpsons got it right when they parodied charity singles: "Though we can't get him out, we'll do the next best thing. We'll go on TV and sing, sing, sing!"
But I have no problem with concerts being organized to bring about justice. Live Aid, Live 8, hell, even the terribly misguided Live Earth. So what is it about charity singles that drive me up the wall? Well, there is the cheese factor, which does really get to me. Singing about poverty in such a whimsical way... God, it's awful. But what really annoys me about charity singles, and this new one in particular, is the egocentric nature of it all. Watch this video.
Nothing like cutting from a shocking and heartbreaking scene to a bunch of British celebrities high-fiving each other! Give me a break.
As bad as it is, though, that moment pretty much sets the tone for the rest of the video. Ooh, look how sensitive One Direction are! Look how caring Ed Sheeran is! Bite me.
And I guess we can't talk about ego without talking about Ego-Man himself, Bono.
Well, tonight thank God it's them instead of you
That was Bono's line in the original "Do They Know It's Christmas?" song, and by god, do I hate it. Yes, that's right, Bono. This is what people are thinking. We Westerners are so hateful and selfish! Thank you for bringing this issue to the light and being the better person for it!
...He has a better line in the new version, but it's still not great.
Well, tonight we're reaching out and touching you
Eeugh! Get your hands off me, Bono. Please.
I'm sure there is some element of good intention that goes with these songs, and that's why despite my loathing hatred for them, I can't fault someone for liking them. But there are better ways for artists to go about solving social justice issues. Ones that require some degree of humility, ones that don't beg for recognition or the regaining of relevance! And I just don't get that with these songs.
And holy crap, does Ellie Goulding sound out of place or what? Listening to this song has made me realize that Ellie Goulding's appeal comes from her almost otherworldly vocals, and unfortunately these go to show how out of place she sounds singing with an ensemble.
Why am I judging this song critically? It's obviously not meant to be a good song; it's meant to be a charity song. Well, screw that! Put some effort into your damn ensemble, and then maybe I'll donate. So the Scrooging begins.
Seeya guys next week.
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