...
He... he exists! Yep, that Flo Rida sure does... exist! But other than that, what else does he do?
Yeah, not that much from what I've seen. All he appears to do is guest rap with crappy verses on songs with great choruses. Wait... he's not the guest rapper on all these songs? He fooled me.
Suffice it to say, Flo Rida has not exactly carved out a distinct personality for himself. And yet... his songs are inexplicably popular. Well, not inexplicably. You see, Flo Rida is good at one thing and one thing only: Having catchy choruses in his songs.
That's the part that sticks in your head in Flo Rida songs: the chorus. Half the time he has no part in even singing the chorus! Whenever there's a guest singer on his songs, they always outshine Flo Rida. Always.
Today I will look at Flo Rida's least popular hit, but still popular enough to be called a hit. It's called "Sugar".
No, not quite. Here it is:
Okay, so here is the catchy chorus of this song:
Da double dee double di
Da double dee double di
Da double dee double di
Rrrrrrgggghhh.... GET OUT OF MY HEAD! GET OUT!
Okay, this is just cheating. Of course a song's going to sound catchy if you use one of the most earwormy tunes known to man as your chorus!
To be fair, though, that's not the entire chorus of this song. In fact, let me post the lead-in to the Eiffel 65 rip-off, to provide a little context:
My lips like sugar
My lips like sugar
This candy got you sprung
This candy got you sprung
So call me your sugar
So call me your sugar
You love you some
You love you some
I'm sweet like
...
So... just to clarify... you're sweet like
Da double dee double di
Well, I tried. I tried to provide context, but I'm only working with the source material I have.
Okay, this went from cheating to just being lazy. Instead of finishing the chorus this time, Flo Rida just inserts the nonsense from "Blue (Da Ba Dee)" and hopes it would works. And you know what? When listening to the entire chorus... it doesn't. It really doesn't.
In fact, I actually like the chorus before it rips off Eiffel 65. Maybe if he had finished it, or hell, just ended it right there, this song would be a lot more tolerable. When the chorus of a Flo Rida song doesn't catch my ear, there are literally no redeeming qualities to the song.
But in the interest of providing a well-thought-out opinion, let's see what Flo Rida has to say anyway.
Hey, I've got a mouth full of cavities
What?
Hey, I've got a mouth full of cavities
...One line in! One line in and Flo Rida has already failed me. Bravo, sir. You've officially set the suck bar to a new low. Sorry, Chris Brown. Looks like you'll have to try a little harder next time.
Okay, so "Eric," you may ask. "What's so bad about the 'cavities' line? It's part of the sugar metaphor! It's actually quite clever!" Well, here's my rebuttal:
If you're going to use sugar as a metaphor for getting it on, then you don't mention a grossly negative thing about sugar! I mean, what was his next line? "And a bloodstream full of diabetes"? It sort of rhymes, anyway.
I look at the "cavities" line and if I see "sugar" as a metaphor for sex, or at least a descriptive word for how it feels... or tastes... then I can only assume that "a mouth full of cavities" just means Flo Rida's packed with STDs from this girl. Was that sexy in 2009...?
But the worst part about Flo Rida's verse is that this is the only thing even worth mentioning. Nothing else is worth a second look. Nothing. What a waste.
So ironic that a song called "Sugar" leaves nothing but a bitter taste in my mouth. The only thing I like about this song is part of the chorus, but I can't forgive the total annihilation of the chorus with Eiffel 65. And I don't even hate "Blue (Da Ba Dee)", but inserting it into another song immediately destroys any credibility it might have had. This song sucks a big fat lollipop. See, that's a bad thing. I tried to go with the sugar meta- oh, just forget it.
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