"Watch Me" - Silento

Do you really need me for this review? I could just provide you with this:

and it would pretty much sum up my thoughts on this bullshit getting popular. Why? Why? Why? Why are we so reliant on Vine for our pop songs now? And if so, can we at least make them a little better than this?

All this idiot does is name-drop a bunch of dances that everyone has forgotten. THAT'S ALL HE DOES. YOU PEOPLE MADE THIS POPULAR.

No, you know what, I know when things are worth my time, and this guy clearly is not. I'm sorry, but when the charts are interested with providing me with an actual song, then maybe I'll be interested in sticking around for the review! But this?

Now watch me whip
Now watch me nae nae
Now watch me whip whip
Now watch me nae nae

What can I even say about it? There's nothing of substance here! Nothing works as a song, nothing keeps me wanting to come back, and nothing is making me want to stick around and dissect this song lyric by lyric.

Now break your legs

..."Break your legs"? Was that seriously a dance move?

That... that looks really stupid. Okay, moving on.

Now watch me

Bop, bop, bop, bop, bop...

How did this idiot become so popular?! I... I can't think of a single reason to listen to this song. It is dead on arrival; it stinks of... well, stanky leg, I guess.

Please God, stop with this trainwreck of nonsense. Put on something good!

I put in a good word with the man upstairs. If this doesn't make you want to go to church, what will? SHUT UP AND DANCE WITH ME... hey, hold on, this song is about dancing too. So... what makes this song work so well and the other work so poorly.

Well, let me answer you in layman's terms: "Shut Up and Dance" actually sounds like a song. It sounds like something you'd want to listen to. And despite my bashing of the idea, I honestly do think a song listing off a bunch of dance moves could work. But you have to put effort into it and show respect to the art form. Here, it's just name-dropping dance moves because you couldn't think of anything better to do. And that just blows chunks. So don't look back, just keep your eyes on me, and I'll take you away from the nonsense that is "Watch Me". Ugh.