This is how I roll: never wanting to hear any of these artists ever again. But what the pop charts give me, I must take. So join me on a ride through the dark underworld where these three banes of my existence can come together to create what will be, no doubt, the worst song of the year.
...Okay, it's really not that bad. But it's not good. At all. Plenty wrong with it, starting with JASON DERULO BEING ON THE TRACK.
Now Florida Georgia Line have ventured into the hip hop world before, with "Cruise"'s remix featuring Nelly. And while that song was terrible in its own right... at least Nelly didn't pretend that he was country.
My accent’s got a little twang, little thang
No it doesn't. Your accent's got the same effect to me as a can of Raid does to bugs. Whatever your accent is, it's not a "little twang, little thang".
Always make the ladies scream my...
Scream your... scream your what?
My name louder
Yeah, that's... that's what I thought. Why did you pause for that? That's exactly what people were expecting!
You guys may think I'm doing this to make Derulo look like an idiot, but he really doesn't need my help in that process. That is literally how he says that line. That's how he "rolls", I guess.
Now that we've got by far the worst part of the song out of the way, let's look at Florida Georgia's lines... I mean, Florida Georgia Line.
This is how we roll
This is how we do
We're burning down the night shooting bullets at the moon
That's how you roll? That's how you do? Shooting bullets aimlessly, possibly endangering the lives of innocent people? Nice job, boys.
Yeah we're proud to be young
We stick to our guns
We love who we love and we love to get drunk
America, before you let these songs get popular, just think for a second that these guys are representing you as a nation. This may not be how all of America rolls, but others may be inclined to think so.
I really don't even want to talk about Luke Bryan, mostly because I hate his voice and I don't need to give him a re-listen any time soon. But despite a few missteps here and there, like Derulo's entire verse, this song is more boring than bad. They sing "this is how we roll" and it doesn't sound particularly exciting. It doesn't make me want to roll with them, or anyone like them. Keep on rollin' in your boring, overdone ways, guys. Just keep your mouths shut about it. Good music, that's how I roll.
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